Goddess damn him, with all his pretty words, his clear explanation, his request for trust. And with how he’d maybe even planned this, how he’d just made himself vulnerable, shown his trust toward them in the most raw, visceral way possible. As if he’d known he would be asking for this in return, and it stung behind Raye’s eyes, clutched in her throat. What the hell were they supposed to say to this, what could they do…
And when she glanced toward Gaelfr, she could again see her own struggle in his eyes, could almost hear his voice speaking.Together, we shall address this, and help him, and heal him. We shall guide him back to who he ought to be.
But what if this was the cost? What if it meant still losing Kalfr to their enemy? Did they trust him that much? Could Raye afford to trust him that much? What if she made the wrong decision? What if she failed? What if they all failed?
But then Raye’s eyes found Kalfr’s again, searching his earnest, sincere face. He was — offering them this. Asking. Meeting them, trusting them. And in it, he was giving Raye back that power, too. Being honest with her, and offering her the chance to choose, this time. Maybe even to refuse, to walk away, to reject him forever…
But — no. She couldn’t. Because deeper than all the rest, she’d still sworn that vow, hadn’t she? And she’d meant it.I’ll do whatever it takes.
Gaelfr still wasn’t arguing either, and the resignation in his own eyes glittered brighter. He would do whatever it took, too.Even if he had to follow Kalfr to the ends of the realm, and kill everyone in his path. And Raye could trust him, too, right? Right?
So she sent up another silent, helpless prayer, and squeezed Kalfr’s hand. And she smiled, even with the water still prickling behind her eyes.
“We trust you, Kalfr,” she said thickly. “And we’ll support you in this. No matter the cost.”
56
The rest of the evening was a haze of plans and preparations, extending late into the night.
Their bandmates had still been eating and chatting and laughing together by the fire, but when Kalfr called for their attention, they all gathered around at once. And then, with Raye and Gaelfr staunchly flanking him on each side, Kalfr told the band of his plan to meet Sybil, and seek to negotiate.
“Ach,negotiate,” Skirvir said, with a nod, and a knowing smirk. “And mayhap grant her the strong orc ploughing she longs for, also.”
Gaelfr replied with a furious muttered curse, while Fengr swiped for a large yam from the counter — a leftover from supper — and hurled it with impressive accuracy toward Skirvir’s groin. And as Skirvir yowled and hopped about on his good leg, Kalfr informed the rest of them that they would be taking every precaution, and that they would ask for support from the mountain, as well.
“We have no wish to launch us all into more war,” he said firmly. “But if this meeting might help avoid the coming attack, and gain our safety, then I wish to attempt this. We will seekto surprise them well away from ourbyrgi, so they do not have time to plan an offense, and we will only meet in a safe place, also.”
Left unsaid were the many, many ways this could go wrong, or the fact that Sybil still wanted to trap Kalfr, and hurt him, andkillhim. But clearly the rest of the band’s orcs knew that anyway, judging by their uneasy exchanged looks, and the way they shifted on their feet.
“But what of all other plans here?” Egil asked. “And our defenses? Will we keep readying these?”
“Ach, we will,” Kalfr replied. “We must still be ready to face this attack, if this meeting fails. We will thus split our band — a group will come with me, and the rest will stay.”
The prospect of splitting the band curdled in Raye’s gut, but no one protested, and Olarr stepped forward, and clapped Kalfr on the shoulder. “I will come,” he said. “Who else?”
“I will,” Gaelfr replied, flat and decisive, and though that shouldn’t have been a surprise — of course he would want to go — it twisted Raye’s dread deeper. Because it meant at least one of them would need to stay behind with Svein, and it would need to be her, and what if Kalfr and Gaelfr were both attacked, brutalized, killed, while she was left behind alone again?
“I ought to go, also,” Skirvir cut in, still wheezing, and glaring toward Fengr. “In case this pretty woman decides she wishes for —”
“No, Skirvir,” Kalfr snapped. “You will stay here, and guard Raye and Svein. Egil and Othan, I wish you to come with me also, and Soren and William, in case we need a safe place underground to meet. Eyolf, Iyolf, I wish you to run and fetch Joarr at once, for I am sure he shall wish to join us — and with any other help the mountain sends, that ought to be enough.”
But Raye’s thoughts were again swarming with danger, with death, and she clutched at Kalfr’s arm. “Shouldn’t Rurik go with you, too?” she rasped. “Just — in case?”
Kalfr’s glance toward her suggested that no, he hadn’t planned for that, but after another long look at Raye’s face, he nodded. “Ach, Rurik, you come also,” he said, “and Julian, should you wish. The rest of you will stay.”
But the dread coiled even tighter in Raye’s gut, and she could scarcely hear the rest of the conversation through the ringing in her ears. Kalfr and Gaelfr were really leaving, leaving her and Svein behind, going off to meet with another woman. A beautiful, alluring, dangerous woman, who’d sent Kalfr that portrait, and what if some part of him still secretly wanted her, what if he decided it would just be easier to —
No. No. He wouldn’t. And this was an appalling thing for Raye to think, Sybil had hurt him, and Raye trusted him. Shedid.
But even so, it felt as though she was swimming through mud for the rest of the discussion, her dread and fear wrenching stronger with every breath — and she flinched at the sudden appearance of Svein, looking wide awake as he edged into the room in his sleeping-clothes, clutching Mr. Snuggles to his chest.
“Svein, love!” Raye exclaimed, attempting a smile as she lurched over toward him. “What are you doing up here? You ought to be asleep.”
Svein’s bottom lip jutted out, and he cast a mutinous look toward Kalfr and Gaelfr and the band. “What are you all doing?” Svein asked, his voice small. “Are you going toleave, Papas?”
Raye exchanged a look with Kalfr and Gaelfr, and together they ushered Svein back downstairs, into his room. And once he was safely settled in bed again, Kalfr explained their plans for the meeting, choosing his words with care. “So there is naught to fear, son,” he said once he’d finished, squeezing reassuringlyat Svein’s shoulder. “We shall only meet in a safe place, and Egil will help us scent for any danger. I am sure our mountain will send help, also.”
But Svein didn’t look convinced, biting his lip, squeezing Mr. Snuggles tighter. “But that bad lady made you sad, Papa,” he whispered. “She wants to hurt you, and make you sad again.”
