“Come,sæta,” cut in Gaelfr’s voice, his hand firm against her back. “You must rest.”
And though he didn’t say it, Raye could still hear the rest of it, rippling out behind his words.You must rest. You must grow fat and hale. You must keep your vows to us. You must save him.You must seek the goddess’ blessing, and beg her to grant you a son.
And after one more long, uncertain glance up at the shining moon above, Raye nodded, and bowed her head, and obeyed.
49
Raye awoke the next morning to the weight of Svein’s heavy, squirmy body, wriggling over the fur.
“Mama!” his small voice exclaimed, close to her ear. “Papas! You’re all here! Together!”
Raye blinked her tired eyes open, while Gaelfr’s warm bulk beside her shifted to reach for the lamp. And in the blaze of light, Raye found Svein’s familiar face, beaming gleefully toward her, and toward Kalfr and Gaelfr, too. Because yes, they were all still together in the bed, and that meant — Kalfr had stayed with them, all night long?
But yes, Kalfr was still here, his long arm sprawled over Raye and Gaelfr both, and his legs were tangled with hers beneath the fur, too. “Ach, son, we are all here,” he told Svein, with a fond smile. “But will you rest with us a spell longer, and grant your mother the sleep she needs?”
Raye blinked blearily at him, because yes, it had taken her far too long to fall asleep the night before, with all those doubts and questions from the altar still whispering behind her eyes. Were they really going to have another son together? Could theyreally trust each other that much? Could she trust Kalfr, when he might still want to punish her?
But right now, Kalfr was here, and he apparently wanted to make sure she got more rest, too. And above them, Svein nodded, conceding to Kalfr’s request, and with a happy little sigh, he flopped down onto the fur between Raye and Kalfr, and wriggled up close between them. And once Gaelfr doused the lamp again, Kalfr’s warm arm settled over Raye and Svein, curling them both closer, while Gaelfr’s warmth shifted closer too, his arm sinking heavy over them all.
And as Raye inhaled deep, drinking up the beloved scent of Svein’s messy curls tickling at her chin, it occurred to her, sudden but certain, thatthiswas what she’d begged for, last night on that altar. That whatever Kalfr and Gaelfr had done, whatever they truly wanted from her, whatever they might do next — she’d never once regretted Svein. She’d never once stopped wanting her beautiful, precious, generous son. And if there was even a possibility of another gift like this — another beautiful, magical child to love, as part of her own family — then yes. She wanted that. She could do this. She would keep her vow, and they would address this, together.
She fell back to sleep then, so warm and quiet and safe, every breath full of Svein’s familiar beloved scent, and Kalfr and Gaelfr’s, also. And even her dreams were quiet and safe too, visions of thebyrgi, of the halo around Kalfr’s head, of all the promises whispering in the moonlight.
At least, until some time later, when Svein snapped awake again, squirming back and forth between them, and ended up bouncing on Gaelfr’s chest. Drawing a half-laugh, half-groan from Gaelfr as he lit the lamp again, and nudged Svein sideways off the bed. “Our son,” he murmured, toward Raye and Kalfr both, “must needs learn tosleep.”
But that fluttered warm in Raye’s chest, too, maybe just because of the companionableness of it, the shared familiarity of it. Or maybe because of the proud, possessive way Gaelfr had said,our son, and the way Kalfr was sleepily smiling and nodding. And looking even softer, his eyes warmer, the lines and shadows more faded than before.
“So what will we do today?” Svein excitedly asked. “Will we spar again, Papa Gaelfr? Or go in the garden and see the plants and Mr. Stinkles? Oooh, and don’t forget we have another reading lesson this morning!”
Gaelfr made a face toward Raye and Kalfr that Svein couldn’t see, even as he chuckled, and shoved his still-dressed body out from under the fur. “Ach, there is always much to do in a Bautul band,” he told Svein. “Now come, and we shall begin this, whilst your mother and father dress for the day, ach?”
Svein happily obliged and scampered with Gaelfr out of the room, leaving Raye and Kalfr alone in bed together, still curled together beneath the fur. And though they both twitched backwards in unison, Kalfr’s eyes were still surprisingly warm, his mouth curving up.
“Svein is such a good son, is he not?” he murmured. “The goddess has greatly blessed us.”
It was too close to Raye’s own thoughts, especially about last night. As if… maybe Kalfr wasn’t thinking about penance or punishment, either. As if maybe he just wanted another son, too. And maybe Raye shouldn’t ask, but she wanted to trust him. Wanted to hope.
“And you’re sure,” she said, tentative, “that you would still… welcome the goddess’ blessing again? Like that?”
Kalfr’s throat bobbed, his eyes suddenly wary on Raye’s face, and for an instant, she was sure he was about to jump out of bed, and walk away — yank down his power like a shield, perhaps — but he drew in a deep breath, let it out.
“As long as you welcome this, then I… I would welcome this, also,” he replied, quiet. “I know I ought not to, most of all at a time such as this. But each time I have seen my brothers’ mates grow full with their seed, or held one of their sons after, I have wished…”
He swallowed again, gave Raye a half-smile, half-grimace. And Raye wanted to crumple beneath the ache, and her smile back toward him wavered, her head rapidly nodding. “I — understand,” she said. “I know. I would have felt exactly the same. I’m sorry. Again.”
She was speaking too quickly, her mouth twisting, fighting back something too much like a sob. “And I’m sorry you couldn’t properly move on,” she added thickly, “or find someone else to have more children with, because of this… this bond, between us. I didn’t realize, I never meant to punish you that much, you deserved another son, Kalfr, and I —”
Her voice broke, because — Kalfr’s hand. Kalfr’s fingers, brushing against her lips, breaking off her words. Not unlike how she’d done it to him the night before, and when she blinked at him, he gave a small, rueful smile toward her. “Enough, Raye,” he murmured. “You have already spoken your regrets to me. And I was at fault in this, also.”
Oh. Raye’s breath caught, her eyes searching his face. Did he really mean that? He really thought he was guilty in this, too? But that didn’t mean he’d forgiven her, or that she’d made amends… right?
“And mayhap,” Kalfr continued, as his eyes flickered, his shoulder shrugging beneath the fur, “I did not wish for someone else. Mayhap I could find none I longed for more than the brave, lusty, stunning woman who had already borne me a son.”
What? Raye stared at him, struck, frozen, unthinking. He’d just said — what? Did he really mean that? He’d still wanted her, all this time?
But that look in his eyes said he knew exactly what he’d just told her, what he’d just betrayed — and this time, he pushed himself up, and out of bed. Pulling that power back down around him, but Raye couldn’t muster even the slightest offense. And she couldn’t look away from him, either, from his lean bare body swiping for his trousers on the floor, and then drawing them up over his muscled calves and thighs, his arse.
And maybe he caught Raye looking, darting a glance over his shoulder toward her as he pulled on his boots — but he didn’t look offended either, did he? Maybe because this, too, was part of his power. Part of what he needed, to find his way forward again. And Raye could understand that, she could try to trust him in that, to find her own power, too — and she slipped her own naked body out of bed, and padded over toward him.
