“I got a little carried away,” he said with a smile that was almost sad. He seemed to go somewhere else.
“I have other clothing in my satchel. Let’s just go to bed.”
Jesstin kissed the top of her head and gave her shoulders a spin. “Get yourself into something dry, all right? I’ll be right back.”
“You’re not really going across the road? Now?” Her body was still coming down from the incredible high as she, in puzzlement, watched him walk away.
“I won’t be long,” he said and left still wearing his soaked clothing.
Jesstin searched until he found a private nook in the near-empty tavern under the inn and sank into a chair. His mouth was still full of the taste of her; his thumbs prickled with the imprint they’d left on her thighs. And his heart... his heart...
He bent over, buried his face between his knees, and quietly wept.
Chapter 9
Obliteration
Elloven bathed in the morning’s first light with a satisfying stretch, ending the first full night’s rest she’d had in the Infinitum without her draught.
As she yawned and sluggishly rolled to the side, her face bumped Jesstin’s knee. She opened her eyes and found him sitting on the bed with his legs crossed.
“Sleep well?” Jesstin’s halfhearted smile was pointed at his hands, wrung tight in his lap.
“Better than I have in a long while.” Something was wrong. “Did you sleep at all?”
Jesstin shook his head. He hadn’t looked at her.
She deflated against the headboard. “Ah.”
“No, no, it’s not that. I... I loved that. So much.” He unwound his hands long enough to give her leg a brief, almost brotherly squeeze. “We have to get out of here, but first we really need to talk.”
“That statement rarely leads anywhere good,” she said lightly, hoping to bring forward a smile that might ease her fear, but he was no less distant.
“I wanted to tell you sooner, but I needed to wait until we were together. Really together, not in the Night Soul. This is a thing you do face-to-face.”
Elloven pulled herself into a fully seated position. She knew he’d been keeping something from her. “You’re scaring me.”
“I met your Shioven the night I arrived in the Infinitum. Your mother.”
“What?” What remained of her peace evaporated. “How?”
“She was expecting me.” He recommitted to his lap-gazing. “I should have told you last night. I started to—” He sighed. “I just wanted you to be happy for a few hours.”
“So that’s why you...” She didn’t dare finish, not even in thought.
“I made you come, Elloven, because I wanted to. I enjoyed every—” He made a bracing sound and cleared his throat. “I would do it again and again, but this has been hanging over me since I met her, and it would feel... It is dishonest to go any further without just telling you what she told me.”
Elloven was relieved and scared in the same breath. “Why do you sound so... Was she a monster?”
Jesstin sanded his hands. “No, not at all. I wouldn’t be here now if she hadn’t saved my life.”
“Then what?” Elloven readied herself for the worst.
“I understand now why the curias have been so obsessed with you. Our time in Rivenholde finally makes sense. Taven’s role is clearer too, though I doubt he knows even half of what she told me. Estelar and Acheron’s ambitions make Ryquin’s seem...” Jesstin’s mouth creased in disgust. “Insignificant. My memory of that first night...” He massaged his neck. “Everything in the Infinitum has felt like dream after dream after dream, all right, so please let me finish before you ask me anything because some of it is already fading, and I don’t want to get sidetracked. I don’t want to forget. I can’t forget, and you need to know. All right?” He nodded to coax her answer.
“I guess I don’t have a choice,” Elloven said. She was relieved his grim mood wasn’t a consequence of the night before, but she wondered how he’d kept his concern so buried until the morning. She’d clocked his distractedness, but this was another man altogether.
“You always have a choice with me.” Jesstin’s gaze was solemn. “Know that.”
