Reflecting back was not himself but the stern, almost-despondent faces of three people he recognized immediately.
All looking past him. Through him.
These were his trials? Men he’d already forsaken or subdued? Men he’d have no trouble striking down?
He almost laughed. He’d already won.
All right, bitch. The game is on.
Jesstin cleared their faces with a swipe of his hand and toppled into the especular. He landed on air, falling through an abyss, hurtling at speed and accepting, too late, that he’d miscalculated, dangerously intoxicated from the high that had never quite dulled after braving the Labyrinth of Deception, that she didn’t care a whit about her reputation or business because she didn’t need to.
There’d never been any test, never any reward. Only another naïve soul for the Conductor to add to her collection.
Chapter 7
A Legion of One
It felt like the screaming had started hours ago, and it wasn’t stopping. Jesstin hadn’t learned how time was read, how his papa looked at the dial in the garden and the sun hitting it and could say the time. Full ticks, half ticks. None of it made sense. He hadn’t learned much of anything yet, but he wanted to. His mama insisted he was too little, but she was gone now, and he didn’t think she was coming back. Rhiain and Emrys had said as much, and they knew more than he did.
His papa wanted to send him away. Jesstin hadn’t wanted that at all, but it sounded all right just then as he cowered in a corner while Papa yelled at Jesstin’s big brother, Emrys, about Mama and called her things even someone as little as he understood were very, very bad.
“Even you know she was a whore, Emrys!” Papa boomed. “And the boy? That boy is a bastard, and nothing, nothing can change that. She did this. Your mother did this.”
“You know he can hear us, don’t you?” Emrys screeched. “He’s always underfoot, and you never watch your tongue!”
Mathias scoffed. “He doesn’t understand.”
“He understands more than you think, not that it concerns you.”
“What concerns me, Emrys, is how my eldest son spares too many tears for a woman who put her cunt above her own children!”
“Oh Guardians, you... You did it, didn’t you?”
Mathias went quiet.
“You’re not denying it!” Emrys’s voice was strained, like he’d been crying. “Why aren’t you denying it?”
“She was a whore, and she died a whore’s death.” Mathias made a spitting sound. “And you can’t stop asking questions you don’t really want answers to.”
Jesstin rocked and rocked. He didn’t understand what they were fighting about. He didn’t understand what it meant.
“Oh, but you do, love. How I wish you did not though, my darling dearest, my beautiful baby boy. Would that I could have protected you from the worst of it forever and always.”
It was Mama’s voice, but only he could hear her. That was how he knew she wasn’t coming back. When only he could hear someone, it meant the person wasn’t ever coming back.
“You are my sweet baby, Jesstin, and you are too young for these truths, but it is too late for that. Stay clear of your papa. He’s unwell. Deeply unwell. Emrys and Rhiain will protect you.”
“Hi.” An angelic voice rang above him. The girl was older, with hair like Rhiain’s. Like Mama’s. “I’m Ellie. Do you remember?”
Jesstin did remember her. She and her mother and brother came to visit sometimes. He nodded through his tears, embarrassed by them. You were never a fussy baby, his mama used to say, but he was being fussy now.
“My mother came to collect her baking dishes, but she’s...” Ellie frowned and glanced behind her. “I think she’s made friends, because I haven’t seen her.”
“Papa is angry.”
She stopped looking for her mother and looked right at him instead. “His words aren’t for your ears, Jessie.”
“What is ‘whore’?”
