20
My assistant hands me a paperback book with three cartoon people on a hot-pink cover—a woman stands between two men scowling at each other.
“Read this!”
“Reynolds, you’ve known me since I started kindergarten. I can’t imagine what I’ve ever done to make you think I’d be interested in a book called... ” I glance at the title. “All’s Fair in Love.”
“Trust me, Liam. You want to read this. It’s about a woman who... ”
I find myself tuning out as Reynolds goes through the plot of this book that I never intend to read. Charlie and Jane’s wedding is this weekend near Yosemite. They want it to be Christmassy, like the party where they met. They’re hoping for snow, which is a bit of a gamble this time of year, but knowing Charlie’s charmed life, it will probably happen. Look at his relationship with Jane. They met at the same party I met Lettie. While my relationship with Lettie has taken several nosedives into the abyss, Charlie and Jane’s has been nothing but smooth sailing. I’m hoping some of Charlie’s excessive good luck rubs off on me this weekend and I can convince Lettie to date me. My biggest fear is that she won’t be up for a long-distance relationship. But as far as I’m concerned, we’re already in a long-distance relationship.
“So, she leaves her overbearing boss for this guy,” Ms. Reynolds continues.
“Wait—is this a romance?”
“Have you been listening to anything I’ve said?” she says with frustration. This is a lot of emotion for even-tempered Reynolds. “There’s a love triangle.”
“So, it is a romance?” I clarify.
“Yes!” Reynolds huffs.
I snatch the book out of her hand. “Sold! I’ll read it.”
“You do that. I worry that it’s going to hurt your image.”
“How will reading a romance hurt my image?”
“You weren’t listening, were you?”
No, I was thinking about Lettie and how I am going to finally see her in person in 48 hours. I’ve never been more excited or nervous.
Reynolds pulls the book out of my hand. “This is a bestseller. It is #12 on Amazon. Not #12 in Romance. #12 all around. And the villain looks and acts a lot like you. People are beginning to talk. Some say that maybe it was written by a disgruntled employee.”
“I don’t see how people could link this... ” I think through what Reynolds said of the book. “This evil avocado farmer to me.”
“He’s rich as God, handsome as the devil, and has a devastating smile with slightly crooked teeth.”
“Sounds like a great guy.” I reach for the book, and Reynolds gives it back. I scan the back cover.
“Who’s Collette Best?” I ask.
“It’s obviously a pen name,” sniffs Reynolds.
“Can we sue for defamation?”
“I don’t think so. Legal is looking at it. But we’re drafting a statement saying it’s entirely a work of fiction and has nothing to do with you. Maybe if you read it, you’ll recognize some telling details to help us find the author.”
“What good would that do?”
“It would help to have the author publicly state that the character is not based on you.”
“Of course, it’s not me. It’s a random coincidence.”
“Oh! It’s you. Read it. It’s you.”
“I thought you said this guy was a villain.”
“I’m not saying you’re a villain, but if you were to be one. Well... she captured you perfectly.”
