“You wouldn’t, but I’m asking anyway.” I push.
His eyes crinkle at the corners as he studies me for a moment. “Nothing you ask will change what I’m going to do to you. I won’t take it easy or make it fast. I’ll drag it out and send pictures and videos to your family of you screaming and begging for mercy, and if I’m feeling generous, I may even send that cunt Meekan a piece of you.” He reaches up and brushes his thumb along my lips, spiking my pulse and making my breath hitch at the feeling of his hands on me. “But these, they will be my reward. I’ll hang them above my bed and look at them every day, knowing I won the war because they will never get over knowing I fucked their princess and tainted her, lulled her into a false hope of surviving, only to be the last thing she ever sees before she takes her last breath.”
How he can make murder and dying sound so beautiful is a fucking mystery to me. His words have the fear leaving me. It’s fucking sick that I’m not scared because he just vowed he would be the last thing I see. His face shouldn’t be the last thing I wantto see before I join Kenna and Em, but it is. He was kissed by the devil and wrapped in darkness yet I find beauty in it.
“Will you let me see the necklace one last time?” My request has his brows smashing together and his face contorting. He stands there stiff as a statue, staring down at me like I’m a complex Sudoku puzzle he can’t solve. I remain silent and don’t avert my gaze from his. This is the most brazen thing I have ever done with my life and I won’t cower in the face of death. I will meet my end with my head held high. I just wish I could have said goodbye to Carn. I know me dying will affect him the most.
“Your last fucking wish is to see the damn necklace I gave my sister–the necklace you fucking stole?” His tone is edged with outrage and malice. If I was clever I would lie and take back my request, but I never claimed to be smart.
“I never meant to steal it. I just…borrowedit until I could return it to the intended owner.”
Those gray eyes drink me in. It’s then I realize why I’m finding comfort in him being the last thing I see. It’s the eyes. They are hers and if I fool myself hard enough, I’ll be able to picture Emery when my final moment comes.
I’m surprised when he reaches up and pushes his hand inside the neckline of his hoodie and pulls out the pendant. My mouth parts on a silent gasp at the sight of it.
The gold looks polished. Without thinking I reach up and clasp it in my hand. A smile tugs at the corners of my lips at the feeling of it in my hand again. The whorls of vines around the outside stand out now that it’s been cleaned, but it’s the single rose in the center that steals my focus. I brush the pad of my thumb over it and smile. That pendant brought me such comfort and kept me sane while I navigated my way through SU when I first arrived. It helped me when I thought all hope was lost.
That necklace gave me a chance to live.
It helped me heal wounds I didn’t know I had.
I close my eyes and just hold it for a long while as I allow myself to relive the memories of my time at Walter House with Em. I know she wasn’t really there and the truth stings, but I refuse to allow the truth to tarnish the memories I have of her. She was my solace in my darkest days.
When I slowly blink my eyes open, I find Xaden staring down at me with a strange look but I don’t try to decipher it. I press two fingers to my lips then press them against the rose as my goodbye.
“Win your war, Xaden. Make them pay for what they took from not only you but for the life of my best friend who was innocent.” Tears cloud my eyes but I blink them back, refusing to allow them to fall. “Find peace in the victory that awaits you.” I release my hold on him and drop my arms back to my sides and inhale a deep breath. “To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.” I whisper the phrase aloud one last time.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
XADEN
She isn’t fighting. She’s willing to meet her maker without begging or pleading. She’s braver than a lot of men I have encountered at just the thought of me ending their life has them screaming and begging for mercy. Their pleas fall on deaf ears. I’m not the motherfucker to ever grant some cunt a merciful death. I am the motherfucker you call to extract intel and prolong the inevitable. Never before have I encountered a person willing to die.
That’s when it hits me.‘Do it, end it all. You’d be doing me a favor.’That’s what she said to me the day I took her to the cemetery.‘My soul is rotten. Take it, it's yours.”Death is a mercy for this fucked up bitch. She would rather die than live because it’s easier for her that way. She won’t have to wake up each day, knowing she is alone, unloved and unwanted by everyone.
I want her to suffer and living would do that, but I can’t allow a single Kellar to survive this war. I reach into my waistband and pull my gun.
I’ve dreamed of all the ways I can make her scream for months, yet the fact she hasn’t cowered or begged has me feeling inclined to grant her a quick death. I’m showing a tremendousamount of restraint by not cutting her lips from her face while she is breathing. I lift my gun and press the barrel against her forehead. Her eyes close for a second before she opens them and flicks them up to meet my own. Tears shine in her eyes but I feel no pity, her and her cunt of a family destroyed mine and turned me into the monster I am today.
She reaches out and grips the front of my hoodie, clenching the material in her fists. She tries to lock down her emotions but I see the fear in her eyes and relish in the sight of it.
“Try not to hate me when you figure it out,” she whispers.
“Nice knowing you, Tink,” I say, then flick the safety off and move my index finger to the trigger.
“Stop!” I jerk my head to the side to see Kellan-fucking-Kyle at the edge of the rink, gripping the guard rail with a panicked look on his face as he looks at us.
“Leave,” Toren says. I spy her out of the corner of my eyes shooting her ex lover a pleading look.
He shakes his head. “Fuck off, Toren. I’m not letting that cunt kill you.” He pushes the gate open in an attempt to enter the rink. I’m about to shift my gun to him, but suddenly Cas steps out of the shadows and has him halting his movements when he presses his gun to the back of his head.
“Stay out of it,” Cas warns.
Kellan glares back at him over his shoulder. “Not even you can hate her that fucking much, Caspian,” he yells.
“It’s got nothing to do with me,” Cas answers sternly, then pushes his gun harder into the back of the cocksucker's head.
“Of course it fucking does!” Kellan roars, then spins to face his old friend. Cas doesn’t give the cunt a chance to speak, he cocks his free arm back and punches him. He sails backward and lands on the ice with a grunt. I see the look in my friend’s eyes and know Kyle isn’t walking out of here tonight either. Caspian has given into his bloodlust. He stows his gun in his waistband,then charges forward and drops down on Kyle. He grips the front of his shirt and begins raining blow after blow into the cunt’s face, he doesn’t even have to defend himself or block it.
