“With Brianna and Chloe, sure, they're not perfect people. But at least I know where I stand with them. With you...” She shrugs. “You're always one foot out the door. Ready to bail.”
“I'm sorry,” I whisper, the full weight of it hitting me. “I've been a shitty friend to you, haven't I?”
Lacey looks surprised at my directness. “I wouldn't say?—”
“No, I have.” I sit up straighter, needing to face this. “You've always been there for me, and I've kept you at arm's length. I don't return your calls half the time. I bail on plans. I'm... I'm really sorry, Lacey.”
She shrugs, a small smile playing at her lips. “It's fine. I've been busy anyway with Carter and everything.”
“No, it'snotfine. You deserve better.”
“Del,” she says, squeezing my hand. “Listen to me. I don't expect you to be anyone other than who you are. I know you're not the type to text every day or do weekend brunches or whatever. That's okay.”
I’m confused by her easy acceptance. “You're not mad?”
“Honestly?SometimesI get a little hurt. But then I remember that's just you. You need your space. You're independent.” She nudges my shoulder. “I accepted that a long time ago. I love you as you are, not as some hypothetical best friend who acts exactly how I want.”
The simplicity of her acceptance nearly undoes me again. “I don't deserve you.”
“Enough of that,” she says firmly. “I choose my friends. I choose you. End of story. And I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, Del. I'm saying it because I think maybe it's a pattern. And maybe understanding it will help you figure out what to do now.”
I wipe at my face with the sleeve of Troy's hoodie, breathing in the fading scent of him.
“My mom,” I start, then stop, not even sure what I'm trying to say. “She was never reliable. Is never reliable. Always promising things, then disappearing. I guess I just... got used to not counting on people.”
“That makes sense.”
“And Troy, he was trying so fucking hard.” My voice cracks. “He kept showing up, no matter how much I pushed him away. And it scared me, because what happens when he stops? When he gets bored, or tired, or realizes I'm too much work?”
Lacey shifts closer, our shoulders touching. “Can I ask you something?”
I nod.
“Has he ever actually given you a reason not to trust him?”
“No.” The answer comes instantly, surprising me with its certainty. “Not once.”
“Maybe he's the real deal, Del.” She says it softly, like she's afraid of spooking me. “Maybe some people actually stick around. Or, maybe he’s not. Maybe he will break your heart. That’s life though. You have to let people in far enough so you can enjoy the magic but then you also risk them hurting you. But you can handle it, babe. You’re so strong.”
I think about Troy—bringing me coffee in the morning, listening to my ideas, respecting my boundaries until I all but forced him away.
“I think I love him,” I whisper, and saying it out loud feels like jumping off a cliff.
Lacey doesn't look surprised. “I know.”
“And I've completely fucked it up.”
“I don't know about that.” She grabs her phone from her pocket. “What exactly did he say?”
I recite his words back to her.
She makes a face. “Okay, that's not great. But it also doesn't sound like he's writing you off forever. He's hurt. He needs space. That doesn't mean it's over.”
“What do I even do now?”
“Well, first, you're going to shower. Because, sorry babe, but you're kind of ripe.” She wrinkles her nose dramatically, and I laugh despite myself. “Then we're going to order food, and you're going to tell me what you want to happen. And then we'll figure out how to make it happen.”
“That simple, huh?”
