16
cole
Walking away from her was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but it’s for the best. I did the right thing. She’s better off without me. One of these days she’ll meet someone good, someone whole she won’t have to worry about piecing back together, and she can be happy knowing they can love without conditions.
These are the lies I’ve been telling myself for the last forty minutes as I drive down this desolate back road. Myheart, on the other hand,keeps telling me to stop being an idiot.Go back to her. She needs you. You need her. You love her.
Well, fuck you, heart. You’re the one that got me into thismessto begin with. I was doing just fine in Colorado, and then you had to go stirring up those feelings I’d locked away for good. And look where they got me.
Look where they got me indeed.
I was happy. Reunited with friends and family I’d missed severely. I was home. But most of all, I finally had the love of the woman I’ve wanted for years … and I just threw it all away.
Jesus. Iaman idiot.
“What am I doing?” I mutter to myself as I stare out the windshield into the vast darkness that surrounds me. Am I really giving up this easily? We had one small situation—okay, maybe not asmallsituation because I lost my temper and she ended up getting hurt as a direct result of that unfortunate incident, but still. Do I really want to throw away what could be the rest of my life—the rest of our lives—because I’m too much of a coward to stay and face my problems?
I slam on the brakes, screeching the tires against the asphalt and causing the back end of my truck to fish tail. The truck skids to a stop, and I sit there breathing heavily as I grip the steering wheel. Thoughts swirl in my head, mixing with memories and promises I’ve made throughout the years. I promised Jenna, my parents, and Emma that I’d come back safely from the war. Promised I keep my friends safe while we were away. I promised myself that I’d fulfill Adam’s dying request to take care of Jenna. And I promised her just a few short hours ago that I was done wasting my life on wrong decisions.
Pulling a U-turn in the middle of the road, I push the gas pedal and floor it back toward the lake house. I may not have been able to come through on all of those promises, but, so help me God, I’m going to keep the ones I still have a chance at.
I’ve been sitting in the driveway with the truck off for about ten minutes as I contemplate going to the house now or just sleeping here and waiting until morning to fix my mess. All of the lights are off, but Jenna’s white sedan is still parked in the same spot as when I left, so she has to be here.
Fuck it, I decide, and I grab my keys as I step out of my truck and make my way up to the house. Time to suck it up and stop running from my problems. I stop at the door, pausing with my hand raised as I take in a deep breath and knock. Then I wait … and wait some more. I knock again and look through the glass panes, trying to see any movement on the inside.
Nothing.
Okay, maybe sheisn’there.
My shoulders slump as I release a defeated sigh. There’s a good possibility that she called Emma after I left, and the two of them are together somewhere. But she has to come back sometime, right? I make the decision to just wait here on the steps for her, but after five minutes of drumming my fingers together, I change my mind and decide to wait inside—wanting to wash up a bit change out of these clothes that have Mark’s blood on them before seeing Jenna again. Grabbing my bag from my truck, I cross the porch and give the door handle a turn. It’s locked, naturally.
Reaching in my wallet, I grab my credit card and work to jimmy the door open—making a mental note that I really need to ask my parents where they hide the spare key. The door pops open and I pocket my wallet before walkingintothe pitch black space and dropping my duffel bag on the floor. Shutting the door behind me, I go to reach for the light switch—
“Jesus Christ,” I shout as the lights come on. I’m startled into stumbling backward, hitting the end table and knocking the lamp over at the sight of Jenna standing there armed with a frickin’ baseball bat. “Where the hell did you get that?”
“I found it in the closet after the first time you broke in here,” she tells me, her expression flat as she keeps her stance, ready to swing any second.
My heart is hammering against my ribs as I hold my hands up, showing her I’m not a threat. “Baby, can you put the bat down?”
Her eyes narrow and she tightens her grip on the handle. “What are you doing here, Cole?” she asks me. “I thought I told you to leave.”
“You did,” I say, and I take a cautious step toward her. “But I came back because I need to talk to you.”
“We have nothing to talk about,” she tells me with her chin held in defiance. “You made your decision. Now leave before I swing this thing around and hit you with it.”
“Do it,” I say and keep moving toward her. “Aim for my head. Maybe you’ll knock some sense into me.”
“Not funny.”
“I’m not trying to be.” Closing the distance between us, I hold her gaze and slowly reach for the bat. My palm curls around the barrel as I urge her to lower it, bringing it down by our sides. “Can we please talk?”
Tears spring to her eyes as she glances over my face. “You left me,” Jenna says, her voice soft and wobbly. “You just walked away. How could you do that to me?Again?”
“I don’t know,” I answer her honestly and meet her gaze. “This wasn’t in my plan. I never meant to hurt you. I’ve only ever wanted to just be with you and take care of you. Keep you safe.” Tentatively, I raise my hand and brush a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Keep you happy. And for the longesttime,I thought the only way I could do that was if I stayed away from you. But Jenna, I don’t want to stay away from you. I can’t stay away from you.” I grin and let out a soft, short chuckle. “Hell, I tried it for years—tried to lock away the feelings I have for you—but look what happened: I’m back in Virginiabecauseof you. To be with you.” Slowly, I pull the baseball bat from her loosened grip and let it fall to the floor before interlocking my fingers with hers. “I know I’m not perfect. The things I’ve seen and the things I’ve done have made me half the man I used to be. And I can’t stand here and promise you that I won’t makemistakesbecause I’m sure I’ll have my fair share of them.”
A tear slips down her cheek, and as I gently stroke it away, she closes her eyes and nuzzles into my hand.
“I love you, Jenna. I’ve loved you for years—even when I wasn’t supposed to love you.” I cup her jaw in mypalmand turn her face to mine as our eyes meet. “I can’t offer you perfection, but if you want it, you can have what’s left of me.”
Seconds tick by and anxiety builds in my chest as I wait for a reply—anyreply.
“That,” she says, releasing a cross between a laugh and a sob, “is the speech you should’ve given me two hours ago.”
A smile tips my mouth as her hands lay against my chest. “I’m still hurt, and I’m still angry that you just walked away, but … I love you too, Cole,” Jenna says, her voice soft and warm as she tilts her head to the side and looks up at me with those mesmerizing green eyes. “Don’t ever walk away from me again. Please. Losing you once was bad enough, and thinking I lost you again …” She pauses and takes in a settling breath. “I don’t want perfect. I just want you.”
“You have me, baby,” I tell her, and I lean down to press my lips against hers for one slow, sweet kiss. “For as long as you want me.”
“Is forever too long?” she asks with a soft laugh.
I smile and pull her into my arms, lifting her so her arms and legs wrap around me as I carry her to the bedroom. “Not long enough.”
