I don’t have time to fall apart.
When I glance down at the screen, a message from River pops up.
River: Hey, I know this is a stupid question, but how are you both doing? Is there anything I can help with? Hell, is there anything anyone in the family can do? I don’t mind staying in the waiting room for as long as you need me, but fuck, say something, Miles. None of us can even begin to imagine what you both are going through and we don’t want you to go through it alone. You have us. All of us.
I huff out a little laugh as I read River’s message. Trust my grumpy-ass brother to sound threatening and supportive at the same time.
Before I can think too hard about it, I fire off a quick reply.
Miles: Thanks, man. I really appreciate it! You can go home. I have a feeling this first week is going to be a blur for Penny and me, and there’s no reason any of you should put your lives on pause just to sit with us. I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.
River: You know the family won’t stay sitting around while you and Penny need us.
Miles: I’m telling you, there’s nothing any of you can do. Penny is trying to get her milk flowing so she can feed Millie and I’m trying not to lose my shit seeing my woman so fragile. And my daughter literally fighting for her life.
River: Shit. Okay. Love you, man. Just keep us posted.
Fuck. I didn’t mean to go off on River, but I feel like a ticking time bomb. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep all this shit inside for my girls’ sake.
I look at her sleeping, her eyes moving wildly behind her eyelids. She’s so restless.
Even though I’m tired as fuck and would love to stretch out in our bed and hold her tight to me, I’ve been sleeping onthe couch in the hospital room. I can’t bring myself to leave her alone.
I’m just tired from stress and lack of sleep.
Penny went through a major surgery, gave birth seven weeks early, and now she’s trying to recover while pumping milk every few hours and walking back and forth to the NICU.
And she still keeps going.
It’s been hard as fuck not bringing Millie home. Hard not being able to spoil Penny the way I pictured. Taking night shifts so she could rest. Changing diapers while she took a break. Falling asleep together with our daughter between us.
Fuck.
I scrub a hand over my face before the tears can fall again.
“Miles?” Penny’s groggy voice snaps my attention her way.
I blink quickly to clear any moisture left in my eyes before standing from the couch.
“Yes, boss?” I ask, trying my best to sound normal.
“What time is it?” she murmurs. “Do I need to pump again?”
I glance at my phone.
Six twenty-eight in the morning. She woke up two minutes before the alarm.
“Just about,” I say softly. “I’ll get everything ready for you.”
I lean down and give her a soft kiss, but just as I’m about to walk away, her hand fists around in my shirt.
“Stay with me for a few minutes,” she whispers.
I don’t even think before slowly climbing onto the bed beside her, terrified of hurting her without meaning to.
When she folds herself against me, I wrap my arms around her and hold on tight.
“I’m so tired, baby,” she whispers against my throat. “I’m so fucking tired of not being able to sleep in the same bed as you. Not having my bathroom and my things—our things. Tired of not being home with you and Millie.”
