My jaw drops. “You ran a paternity test without telling him?”
“Needed to be sure.” He doesn’t sound at all repentant.
“Have you told anyone who I am?”
“If I had, you wouldn’t have been allowed at the Dagger.”
“Because my parents were traitors.”
His lips curl slightly, and I sense his disgust. “Yes.”
As my anxiety rises, I start to pace the small space only to realize there’s no room for that. So I lean against the wall and slide down until my ass lands in a heap on the dirt floor. I pull my knees up, wrapping my arms around myself.
“I only found out recently,” I say, tilting my head toward him. “Jim never told me who they were.”
“You don’t have any memories of them?”
“Not really. My dad died when I was four, and my mom gave me to Jim when I was five. It’s mostly just fuzzy images.” Pain slices into me. “I don’t even know what they look like. There aren’t any photos of them in the Company public database or on Nexus.”
“Intelligence would’ve scrubbed them for security reasons.”
“Jim told me that my mother sent me away because I incited her. She realized how dangerous it was for me to remain in the city, so she asked him to protect me.”
Kallister scoffs before shifting his gaze away.
“What?” I push.
“Nothing. I won’t speak out of turn.”
“No, please do.”
There’s a long pause, then, “I don’t know if your mother ever protected anyone other than herself.”
His blunt words stab me in the heart. Somehow, I manage to keep a brave face, but Kallister just voiced the fear I’ve been battling since I read Uncle Jim’s letter. That my mother’s actions had nothing to do with my safety and everything to do with some unknown nefarious motive.
I’m questioning everything now. Every single thing. And I fucking hate it. I feel like my own mind sprang a trap for me, and like a fool I walked right into it. I allowed myself to craft a heroic backstory for my parents, based on the meager details Uncle Jim provided over the years.
He said my mother was brave, and my mind thrust her into the role of valiant warrior.
He said my parents loved each other deeply, and I conjured up a couple whose transcendent love helped them fight together against oppression.
Hearing Kallister call her selfish feels like a rug being pulled out from under my feet. In my mind, my mother was selfless, fearless, clever. She possessed unshakable strength and not a single weakness.
She was perfect.
I suppose this is what happens when you place someone on a pedestal where they can do no wrong. When you don’t acknowledge they might have flaws and contradictions and deep-rooted insecurities. Now that I’m learning all these new details, the perfect image I created is fading by the second.
I set her up for failure the moment I idealized her.
“He told me the truth in a letter,” I say miserably, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “One of those in-the-event-of-my-death letters. That’s where he revealed their real names,myreal name. He said they were responsible for the bombing of Valterra Ridge.”
“Yes. They were.”
“But why? She was a Mod.”
“Marina was…a complicated woman. But now probably isn’t the time to get into everything.”
I capture the inside of my cheek with my teeth, gnawing on it. “Are you going to tell anyone who I am?”
