Silence fills my head.
“Wolf?”
“Is that what you want?”he finally asks. It doesn’t sound like areprimand. Just curiosity.“To master it? Because you told me it’s not a power you ever want to use.”
“I don’t. But I should probably learn how to control it, so it doesn’t happen spontaneously anymore. At least if I can consciously wield it, I’ll have a choice about whether to use it.”I hesitate.“Would you use it? If you could incite someone to do your bidding?”
Unlike me, he shows no hesitation.“If my life was in danger, yes, I’d use incitement. Like you did with Jayde. Kill or be killed, yeah?”
“I just…I feel like a hypocrite.”The confession slips out before I can stop it.“I’ve always told myself how important free will is, how wrong it is to incite someone, but I didn’t even hesitate to incite Jayde to shoot herself.”
“Self-preservation kicked in,”he says roughly.“It’s that innate instinct to stay alive. Most people can’t fight it.”
“I know, but that’s what makes it worse. That it feltjustified.But I still felt like a monster afterward, because even when it’s about survival, it’s still a violation. I don’t want to be the person who could do something like that.”I hate the way my voice breaks.“I never thought myself capable of crossing that line.”
“Would you prefershekilledyou? Because I sure as fuck wouldn’t. Cross as many lines as you have to. I don’t care what you need to do to stay in this world with me, Daisy.”
“But I’mnotwith you,”I shoot back.“I’m over here, all by myself. Worrying about whether your brothers are going to kill you. Wishing every second of the day that you were here with me.”I groan out loud.“The city is too dangerous for me, and the Uprising is too dangerous for you—so what the fuck are we going to do?”
“We could run,”he suggests.“Leave it all behind.”
The idea makes me laugh.“Right. Because that’s an option.”
“It could be.”
Something about his tone gives me pause.“Really. You would run away. You’d leave your mom? Your unit? Just let your brothers win this war and burn the world to the ground?”
“There are no winners in war, Dove. Everybody fucking loses. That’s what happens when the entire hellfucking world is morally bankrupt.”
I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sound so cynical. As we both goquiet for a moment, I’m unable to ignore the pang of worry gnawing at my gut.
“Areyougood?”I ask, because he hasn’t sounded right at all since I left.
“I’m fine,”he assures me.
“Where are you right now?”
“On the base. Staring at the wall. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too.”
The ache in my chest returns. Cross and I had only just found each other, realized that we were Wolf and Daisy, before I was forced to flee the city and leave him behind.
No. He lefthimselfbehind.
I gulp down the lump that rises in my throat, because it feels dangerously close to resentment. I don’t resent Cross. I’m not angry at him. Not really.
But…maybe a part of me…a tiny, wounded part of me…can’t forget that he had the chance to come with me, and he chose to stay behind.
Chapter 10
I stay in my quarters until my growling stomach refuses to be ignored, spurring me to go to the mess hall to grab some lunch. When I walk in, I find the room abuzz with the sounds of clinking utensils and loud chatter. They’re serving wild rice and roast chicken today, with freshly baked bread. I’ll never get used to how good the food is here.
I hesitate with my tray in hand, scanning the rows of tables. I spot Neema and Evlynne nearby. There are open seats all around them, but neither invites me to join them. When my gaze meets Evlynne’s, her lips tighten, and she turns away.
Okay then. I guess she’s one of the people poisoned by Fiona’s incitement fears, although perhaps not, given she wasn’t too friendly to begin with. Evlynne continues to intimidate me with her mere presence.
I feel her staring at me as I wind through the rows toward the back wall, where I settle at an empty table.
