“Of course not.” His features soften. “I’d take you in a heartbeat. But it’s not up to me. If it were a two-man mission and I was lead, sure. But the other leads have voiced their reluctance, and the Authority heeds what the majority wants.”
His answer brings a rush of unhappiness. Later, when I’m in bed trying to fall asleep, I can’t stop agonizing about it. I’m hurt, damn it. I feel like I’ve done something wrong. Like I need to constantly apologize for being able to incite.
I feel like I’m…chasing redemption, when there’s absolutely no reason for me to redeem myself.I’mnot a traitor.
I’m not my mother.
I’m not my father.
I didn’t get those Mods at Valterra Ridge killed.
Yet they’ve left me this legacy of shame, and I can’t rid myself of it, not until I create a better legacy.
But how will that ever happen when nobody here is even willing to give me a chance?
I’m still moping about it the next morning, and since there’s nothing to do at the range, Xavier drags me out of our room and convinces me to take a walk on the mountain. We’re only about ten minutes downthe trail when Cross surprises me by reaching out. He hasn’t been around much lately, and the silence has been wearing on me.
“You good, Dove?”
“Not really. You’ve been ignoring me.”
“I’m sorry.”I hear the regret in his tone.“I’m not doing it intentionally. I’ve been at the house with my mother.”
“How is she doing?”As Xavier walks on, I hang back and perch myself on a nearby boulder, wanting some privacy.
“The same.”There’s a beat, and I can feel his rising tension.“My father’s here, too. We had to restrain him last night.”His next pause is tinged with sadness.“It’s so fucked up, Daisy. My parents are gone. They’re both still alive, but they might as well be dead. Sometimes I want to take my mom and disappear into the woods. Or get on a plane, a boat, go down to Tierra Fe. Fly to Carora and see what the hell is down there. Just get her out of this city. But then I think, what’s the point? She’s not even here. Her body is, but her mind is lost. My father’s even worse.”
And both their minds were corrupted by Adrienne.
I almost blurt it out, reveal that Adrienne is also responsible for his mother’s corruption, but I curb the impulse. He’s suffering enough right now. I don’t want to make things worse.
“Running won’t solve anything,”I say instead.“The Company can’t remain in charge, Cross. Mods will never be safe as long as they are.”
“And if the Uprising is in charge? Will Primes be safe? Because there are more than a million Primes in this city and across the wards. Mods make up a fraction of the Continent’s population.”
“Whose fault is that?”I shoot back.“It was your father who orchestrated the Coup and the Silverblood Purge. At least when Severn was alive, both sides were living together.”
“You can’t actually be defending Severnism.”
“I’m not,”I say, frustration building inside me. I don’t want to argue about politics, about which oppressive regime is less oppressive.“Life is shit, okay? I just don’t enjoy hearing about your little brother beating a Mod to death at a labor camp.”
Cross’s sharp expletive echoes in my head.“When?”
“Last night. He killed someone at the salt mine.”I can’t stop the accusation from sliding out.“You said you would try to control Roe.”
“Can’t fucking do that when I’m cut out of the loop. I didn’t know about this.”He curses again.“I’ll speak to Travis.”
My anger fades.“I’m sorry. I thought you knew.”
“Well, I didn’t.”I don’t miss the hard edge cutting into his voice now.“I’ll see what I can do about controlling Roe.”
Then he’s gone.
Teeth clenched, I rise and go find Xavier, who chuckles at my thunderous expression.
“I assume that was Cross you stopped to talk to?”
“Yes, and I don’t fucking get him. I don’t understand why he won’t just join the Uprising and leave his psychotic family behind.”
