Exhaustion hits me, and I slide down the bed because for the first time ever, I’m talking about Levi Scott and my feelings toward him. Every single time I see him, I push thoughts of him away, but how much can one run before it’s impossible to hide?
My heart’s dirty secret has slowly grown into an unhealthy obsession.
What do you mean by unbearable?
It’s complicated.
You seem to love that word.
His sarcasm is valid since I’m the one who raised the subject in the first place.
My brother is engaged to his sister, and they’re in love. But their story started…complicated.
From now on, you aren’t allowed to use that word.
I laugh, and some of my nervousness vanishes. I’m starting to see the appeal of this friendship.
I think he still holds a grudge against my brother about the past and hates me by association. He’s been rude, cruel, and…well, there was an incident that embarrassed me, and I’m still shying away from public gatherings because of it.
I prefer not to share what happened right now, as it might be too personal and, as such, make me easily recognizable should this story ever see the light of day.
Sounds like an asshole to me.
A smile curves my mouth.
Yeah.
I understand his resentment, though, and I hate it.
Why?
Because he put his hands on me today to draw a point, and while the action didn’t pain me…it scared me and confused me even more. I should hate his guts and speak about this with my brother.
It’s normal to be scared when someone wants to physically hurt you. If you can’t retaliate yourself, you should let your brother handle it.
I rub my throat, remembering Levi’s touch.
They have a good relationship. I think he hides his resentment well from his sister, who he loves very much, and I admire him for it. I don’t want to ruin their relationship.
Typing this lie is easy, well, it’s a partial truth anyway, but I still can’t admit to a stranger that a certain part of me welcomed his brutal touch because, for a moment in time, it wiped away all the thoughts from my head.
And the fear I felt under Levi’s grip was coated in excitement that’s foreign and interesting at the same time to me.
They awaken the need to explore the darkest parts of me, and it’s something I can’t ever do. At least not with Levi.
You don’t want to ruin their relationship, or are you afraid your brother won’t take your side?
The questions push through the barrier protecting my heart from all the pent-up emotions that exist there for my siblings.
Such a simple question that has no definite answer.
He’ll always be on his woman’s side. A fallout between her future husband and her brother would upset her, so I would understand if he didn’t want to rock the boat. Like I said, he loves her very much.
Admitting it out loud doesn’t lessen the hurt, one of the reasons I’m always polite to my brothers’ women and don’t get too close to them. My brothers can be vicious when protecting who they love most, and how can I form any kind of friendship with them if I have to watch my every word around them?
I don’t have much experience in that department, but based on all the research I’ve done…all friendships experience turmoil, and I’ll be left all alone in mine.
No, thanks.
