Levi rips his mouth away and rests his forehead against mine, his thumb brushing over my pulse point as he whispersagainst my lips, “My whole life, I thought I was incapable of loving anyone because such love and obsession made me vulnerable. And vulnerabilities are always exploited. To be weak again…I could not allow it.” My heart squeezes at the pain still ringing in his tone, and I can’t blame him. To see where he used to live with his biological mom would damage anyone, and I would break just thinking about what could have happened to him if the Scotts hadn’t adopted him. “Moy cvetochek,even the greatest resolve was powerless against the beauty that’s you. You challenge my mind and calm the chaos constantly raging within me in ways no one or nothing else can. My love is not pure. In fact, I think it might be a curse because I won’t ever let you go. You’re mine and mine you’ll stay because without this darkness of mine, there's no light. And your light is the one thing that keeps me sane in this world.”
A raspy breath escapes me, and I grip his shirt tighter, basking in this moment and wondering if all the suffering I endured led me to this.
Complete happiness.
“I love you too.”
Once upon a time, two lonely and scared kids prayed to a mighty god many people had forgotten.
And he listened.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“Mother.
One single word that has such a deep meaning.
For some, it’s associated with happiness, acceptance, love.
For others, it’s pain, suffering, isolation.
No matter our feelings, though…when we lose them, we grieve them all the same.
And that’s the kind of wound that doesn’t heal with time.
Instead, it becomes something you learn to live with.”
Levi
Levi
I park by the gates, exhaling heavily and leaning in my seat while gazing into the distance, when a soft hand touches mine on the steering wheel. “Are you okay?” Lavender asks, her sweet scent calming the inferno awakening in my heart and threading my fingers in her hair, I drag her closer to me. “I can go with you.”
Pressing my lips against her forehead, I murmur, “I’m good. Don’t worry.” I cup her cheek, rubbing my thumb over her skin and hating seeing the stupid cast on her leg. I despiseany reminder ofhimhurting my woman. “Stay here. I won’t be long.” Giving her a soft kiss on the mouth, I open the door and get out, allowing for the light breeze to wash over me as the sun shines brightly on me.
I walk toward the gate and enter the cemetery. Countless headstones greet me, covered in flowers, creating a beautiful and depressing picture. A sense of loss and grief fills the air, casting shadows all around me.
I head toward a farther corner, closer to the massive oak tree where my mother’s headstone lies, covered with orchids and lilies.
They used to be her favorite flowers.
Her stone is gated with a small bench in front of it.
Dad promised to bury her right, and he did, giving her the grave she deserved and somewhere I could always visit. Uncle Arson practically ripped her away from me and told me to go to Lavender and they’d handle it.
To them, no matter what I do, I’ll always be a child they swore to protect.
“Zdrastvui, Mama,” I say hello to her, coming closer and dusting off the stone. “Ya prishel.” I tell her that I came to her and stand still, pondering on the words while an onslaught of emotions hit me from every corner, not letting me focus on any of them or rest. The utter chaos within me for the first time cannot be controlled, and I struggle for breath. “I’m sorry it took me so long to find you. I miss you, Mama. I missed you so much every day.” I swallow and sit on the bench, resting my elbows on my knees while staring at her grave.
Just a name.
Anastasia.
“I escaped that hell,Mama. I survived for both of us and tried my best to become a man you’d be proud of. A man who would have saved you. I did everything I could to live up to thename and your sacrifice.” Another gust of wind caresses my skin, like the softest of touches, and increases the pressure on my chest. Why is this so difficult?
I withstood some horrendous things in life, yet facing my mom’s grave transforms me once again into a six-year-old who watched her die.
As if her soul is really here and could listen to me.
