While wrapped in Allesandro—Sandro’s—arms…my Cuore…the patch that holds my shattered soul together, I feel lighter than I have in a very long time.
When I pull back, Sandro moves his chair until he's sitting in front of me, his legs spread around mine. Leaning forward, he holds my face in his palms, his fingers brushing away my tears.
“I think you’re right,” I tell him, my voice unrecognizable even to my own ears. “I think I need to talk to Javi about seeing one of the therapists he’s bringing in. I…I can’t keep living like this. It’s unfair to you, and to Roman.”
“It’s unfair to yourself, Dolce Cuore,” he says softly.
That stupid nickname brings a soft, barely-there smile to my lips. Him and Roman…they are the only bright spots to my cold, endless, and lonely days. But…I know I need more. I need something to keep me going, otherwise, what’s the point of it all?
“You really think it’ll help?”
“Yes, I really do, Sweetheart. I haven’t started yet, but the meds they’ve given me… I didn’t know I was living in such a fog before. I didn’t realize the things I experienced were weighing me down that much. I want you to feel as…free as I do. Is it easy? No, not at all. But I’m getting a chance to explore a side of myself I haven’t in a long time. I think that’s something you need too. Something that doesn’t hinge on waiting for your son to forgive you.”
I let out a shuddering breath, knowing he’s right. The problem is, I never had that. No aunt to teach me to bake. I had my uncle, the abusive piece of shit that he was, and Tennant, the only one who kept me sane. The best friend who, in order to protect everything we built, left me out in the cold. He was right when he told me he was saving our Family. He was saving my son from me. And isn’t that a fucking kick to the heart? If Roman was supposed to be safe with anyone, it should have been me. I fucked that up.
I know why Roman is upset. Not because of anything I did or said to him, but because I hurt Carter. Roman is protective of those he cares about, more than anyone else, and the way I hurt Carter? There’s no excuse for that.
The divorce papers Sinclair prepared are sitting in my room, ready for me to either contest or sign… Every time I look at the envelope, my stomach churns, but I know I need to get it over with. For Carter’s sake, if not my own.
He’s happy now, I know that. And Iwantto be happy for him. I want him to have everything he’s ever dreamed of…more children, a partner to love him the way he should be… But him having that with someone that's not me… It’s going to take some time. More than anything, losing him is the biggest regret I will carry for the rest of my days. But…he’s happy, and I can’t begrudge him that. Even if seeing him with Keegan and Marcus kills me.
Staring at Sandro, seeing the way his bright blue eyes bore into mine, full of love and patience I don’t deserve…I say the only thing I can. “I love you. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“Never, Sweetheart. Never. I told you. Insieme. Simpre. Whatever happens next, you don’t have to be alone.”
Taking a breath, I nod then lean forward, kissing him so softly I’m not even sure it can truly be called a kiss, but it’s a connection we both desperately need. And I finally am starting to believe that maybe we can get through this…together.
“Love, you don’t have to dress up if you don’t want to,” I whisper into his hair as he bites his lip, staring at the closet with growing panic.
“This is the first family dinner in a long time. I want to look presentable.” Stepping even closer until our skin touches, since neither of us has gotten dressed yet, I hold him tight, trying to soothe his worry with my steadiness. With a huff, he turns his head and lightly kisses me before saying, “I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”
Being a wise man, I don’t agree. “No, you’re worried, and that’s natural. But…while this is the first family dinner, that’s exactly what it is:family. Not the Martellis. Not the Amatos. Our family, the one the Council has brought together.”
A smile finally breaks loose, and I almost sigh in relief. I was almost at my breaking point between dealing with his stress and missing Marcus.
Speaking of Marcus, I almost drop to the floor in relief when he enters our bedroom. His eyes appear tired, and grief ravages his face, even though he tries to grin through it. I turn our Love to face him, so I can open my arms wider, showing my Tease there’s enough room for him too. My heart carries space for them both, and from the brief flash of gratefulness on his face, my Tease must have needed that reassurance.
“Oomph.” Carter laughs as he embraces Marcus with me, both of us barely staying on our feet from the force of my unruly submissive’s exuberant greeting.
“Have you come to get dressed?” I ask as I firmly steer Carter back to his task, slapping his ass for good measure just to see him jump. The giggle he gives me is worth it.
Marcus’s tired grin holds some of his old cockiness, and it’s enough for now. I tuck it inside my heart, a reminder of what we fight for every day. “I suppose getting dressed is the better option if we actually need to show up…”
“Alright, troublemaker, no joining forces against me. If you both behave, I may let you have a special treat tonight.”
Marcus’s grin disappears as he steps away from us, his arms wrapping around himself. “Javi wants me back…there…after dinner.”
My heart thumps hard as I mentally curse myself. Fucking hell. Of course. Before I can do anything, Carter swoops in, opening his arms as he steps toward Marcus, who stiffly allows himself to be held.
Clearing my throat, I join them. With a rough voice, I say, “Tease, it doesn’t matter where you are. Whether you’re in the medical wing or in this bed, your place is always in our hearts. And we’ll be here for you every step of the way. I promise.”
A sob catches in his throat, but he pushes it down, refusing to give in to the tears as he leaves our embrace. He forces a tight smile, and it breaks my heart, but I let it go…for now. Carter and I will be there for him—we’ll all be there for each other, because that’s who we are now.
“Alright, let’s get dressed and go enjoy the family dinner. Did Cole already eat?” Marcus frowns at the clock, as the family dinner is set for far later than Cole’s usual dinner time.
“Yes. In fact, he just went down for the night.”
Marcus nods, but doesn’t say anything, wariness rolling off him. With a heavy sigh, I reach out, touching Marcus’s arm in silent encouragement, wishing there was more I could do. Fucking demons. I’m impatient for Brannigan to get here, because while the medications seem to be helping Marcus, they’re not going to be enough in this battle. And what I wouldn’t give to fight it for him…
