“Roman…what happened between Carter and I, that’s our business.”
“You told him he wasn’t my father!” I shout. I stand from the couch, unable to sit any longer. “You tried to take away the only other parent I’ve ever known. My mother abandoned me as soon as the check cleared, and while I understand that you and Ten tried your best, I was still alone for so long. Me, the nanny, and my guards. All the good memories I have of my childhood are bookended by the moments when you weren’t around.
“When Carter showed up…even though he had ulterior motives…he still didn’t hesitate to love me like I was his own. He was there when you weren’t. It may have been a job to him at first, but it never felt that way. I loved him long before you ever did. To know you tried to take that away from me? To discredit everything he’s done for us?” I shake my head, unable to hold back my emotions.
“I am the man I am today because of him. I love you, you’re my father and I appreciate the life and lessons you gave me, but Carter is my dad; he always has been.”
“I know,” he says softly. “I know. I will always regret what I said, what I did. All I can do now is be thankful he’s a better man than me, and that you have someone who treats you right.”
“He’s happy now,” I tell him. “He has Keegan, Marcus, and Cole. And I love seeing him happy. I may not have spent much time with them yet, but I will. I can’t wait to get to know my newbrother, and if Marcus and Keegan will have me, I want them to be part of my life. Not as a replacement for you, but…I want that unconditional love.”
I never thought I would see my father cry, but as his onyx eyes fill with tears, I feel…nothing. Swallowing, I have to look away, unwilling to examine the state of our relationship too closely.
“I want to trust you again,” I say softly. “I still love you, you’re my father, but…you showed me that you weren’t my dad. I’ve learned there’s a huge difference. I appreciate all you’ve done by teaching me how to lead, but I don’t need that anymore.”
“No,” he agrees. “You don’t. I’m proud of you, Figlio. Sei diventato tutto quello che speravo, e anche di più.”
I stare at him head on. “That’s the problem, Cristian. At one point, you forgot to look at me as your son, not just an asset. I killed myself, day in and day out, to be what you wanted me to be, all the while knowing I would never live up to being the type of man you expected. And I’m sorry for that. But I’m a gay, femme, polyamorous man, and I may feel too much sometimes, but that just makes me human. I won’t apologize for being who I am, not anymore.”
“I would never ask you to.”
I don’t bother wiping the tears away when they fall. “Could have fooled me. It’s…going to take time for us to find our way again. But I hope we do, one day. Because I can’t live like this anymore. I…can’t take the stress.”
“Me too, Figlio, me too. I’ll do whatever you want, anything.”
I have to swallow around the lump in my throat, unsure of what to say or do…because I just don’t know.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I hold on tight, clutching at my sides through my shirt. This would be the perfect moment for me to need my dad, but he…just stares at me, looking asbroken inside as I am…and I don’t know how we can ever cross the chasm between us.
All I know is there’s a hole in my chest where his love should be.
Entering Jude’s newest domain as one of the Council’s Voices has me feeling antsy. I want to be with Roman, but it feels right to be back at work. The only problem being my current jailer…who is very much proving the point that all physical therapists are sadists. Sadly, he’s the exact kind I like, which makes it harder to resist.
Jude gestures for me to sit as Jayden comes up behind me. He plants himself stiffly beside me, crossing his arms. “You will make sure he doesn’t overdo it. I’ll be back in an hour with the wheelchair in case he didn’t listen to my rules. For both of your sakes, the Princess had better listen. And if you finish early, call me.”
With that, he whirls around and strides out. A blush heats my cheeks, especially as Jude stares at me. There aren’t words for the swirling, confusing feelings Jayden pulls from me. Nor do Iunderstand why he’s so interested in me, especially as he’s made it clear that it’s not just sexual for him, despite his words when we first met. Regardless of the fact Roman gave permission, it’s a line I won’t cross. I can’t bring myself to do it. At least, not on my own.
With a tired smile, I greet Jude, signing as I do. “Hello. The triplets are teaching me to sign. May I practice? I’m sorry for any mistakes.”
Jude raises an eyebrow, shock momentarily crossing his face before his expressionless mask drops back into place. “Of course. Is there a reason you’re learning?”
I sigh, grateful that he’s carefully and slowly signing as he speaks. His confusion, however, escapes me. Trying to be careful of my body language, I attempt to solely sign this part so he can understand. “You’re important to Roman, which means you are just as important to me. Roman loves you, and I’ll do everything I can to foster a relationship of my own with you.”
A brief smile is there and then it's gone, but he takes a moment to fix my fingers on the wordrelationship. The trips have thrown so many different variations and types of signs at me that, even though it’s not a complicated sign, I still mess it up. Thankfully, Jude doesn’t make an issue out of it. Although I quickly go back to speaking at the same time as signing.
“I wasn’t given much information. Can you tell me what you need my help with?” I ask, waiting patiently.
Jude grimaces as he mutters under his breath, his fingers working too fast for me to follow, but I’m fairly certain I can make out the meaning of those signs, and he is not thrilled. With a deep breath, he starts again, this time speaking directly to me as he signs. “Javi and Doc want two therapists brought in. The other therapists agree that they are at the top of their field. However, for different reasons, both seem…unlikely to want to work with us.”
Sitting back, I relax in my seat, finally understanding why they need me. I tended to be in charge of…acquisitions for the Martellis. “Kidnapping or blackmail?”
His sneer is there and gone quickly, but it hurts my heart. I know what the Amatos think of us, but fucking hell. This was my job—and it’s one I was good at. It wasn’t something to argue over at the time. And right now, if we’re being told these two therapists are necessary, then fuck yes, I’ll get them here.
Still, Jude scrubs his face in frustration, before saying and signing, “I can’t find anything to be used as blackmail.”
“Alright then, kidnapping it is. I can’t do the initial stalking. Jayden won’t let me out for fieldwork yet. Would Antonio be able to help?”
“He’s supposed to have surgery soon for what that bitch did to him.”
