“How is Marcus?” I ask, my voice wrecked from my emotions and sleep.
Keegan sighs, lines appearing around his mouth and eyes as he stares down at his love. “He had to be put under. Doc says he doesn’t normally push a full syringe into those he drugs. He’s only done it to Lio, Benjamin, and now Marcus, because they all proved to be a danger to themselves. I want to disagree with the decision, to say he doesn’t deserve to be drugged, but…”
“I know,” I whisper. “After…after Amy…”
Keegan nods. “His fight with Antonio probably isn’t helping things either. The wound is still raw.”
I wince. They might have made up, but words have the power to be more devastating than a knife to the back. Look at what happened to me and Cristian. It all started with him tearing me down in the most efficient way he could, and he never had to lay a finger on me. Hell, I’d take being thrown into the torture chamber a hundred times over being told I’m not a true father to my son.
That thought, of course, brings me back to the current situation. Carefully, I sit up in bed, getting Keegan’s attention again. “What are you doing? You should be resting.”
I shake my head, looking down at Marcus, sorrow filling me that I have to leave like this, but it’s for the best. “I need to see if Tennant’s back. He…from what I can recall, he was sent out to survey the scene—to make sure the cops didn’t fuck up Jenna’s body removal, clean up, and searching the area.” It’s the only reason he wasn’t around when Keegan and Marcus returned. Otherwise…I don’t want to think about what would have happened to Marcus for going after Leandro. “Has there been an update from Hollis?”
“Not yet. Leandro is trying to get in touch with his contact, but he’s gone dark. He’s trying to reassure me that it probably means he’s doing what he can for Cole, but…”
I nod in understanding. It’s hard to trust when it’s your son that was taken. I know the feeling well, from when my brother took Roman in order to lure me out. The difference is? This time, I can’t give myself up in order to save him.
“They’ll find him. I know you don’t have a high opinion of Leandro, and I don’t blame you. He’s a lot of things, a sneaky little shit for one, but he would never put Cole in danger. Ever.” I hesitate, unsure of how much to reveal, but decidefuck it. If Leandro wants to be upset with me, so be it. “My brotherkilled his mother in order to have the boy. Leandro may not have normal processing like everyone else, but he was fourteen when it happened, young enough that it made an impression on him. Trust me when I say, he wouldn’t want anyone, especially someone as young as Cole, to go through anything like that.”
“I do trust you, Love. And…I believe Leandro when he says he had nothing to do with it.”
“Okay, good. Thank you.” Leandro and I might not have…a traditional relationship, or much of one at all, but I still care for the boy. Enough to not want the men I love to hate him forever.
I go to stand and stagger on my feet, my head swimming from the lingering drugs and emotional exhaustion.
“What the fuck are you doing? Lay back down.” Keegan’s words are firm, and there’s a part of me that wants to obey his every word, except I can’t… I don’t deserve to.
“I need to go check in with Roman and Lio?—”
Keegan is suddenly in front of me—I didn’t even know he had moved—and he grabs both of my hands in a firm grip. “Everything is under control. They’re back in their room, under the doctors’ supervision—which is progress. They realize they need help in managing this situation. Hollis and Leandro are working, as I said, and if there’s an update for you, everyone knows how to get a hold of me. You’re not going anywhere, Love.” I flinch and try to pull my hands from his, but he holds firm. “What’s going on, Carter? Why are you trying to pull away when we need you the most?”
I meet Keegan’s eyes and lick my dry lips. My heart is in my throat, and I don’t want to confess, but after everything he and Marcus have done for me, they deserve the truth.
“How could you want me? Trust me? I was supposed to be with Cole… I…I was supposed to protect him.” My voice breaks and tears blur my vision. “After the meeting…I checked in with Lio and Roman, making sure we were still all on the same page,that we were happy with the reactions we got…and then I went up to get him…and h—he wasgone.”
I shake as I start to sob. Keegan wraps me in his arms, and I’m powerless to stop him. I am selfish enough to soak up his touch, even though I know I don’t deserve it.
“Shhh. It’s not your fault, Love. It’s not. From what Hollis says, he was taken just as we were finishing up. She played her part very well… Knew the exact right moment to sneak him out.”
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“Stop.” Keegan’s voice is firm, commanding. He doesn’t raise it, but he doesn’t need to in order to get my attention.
My breath catches in my throat, his command rolling over me, hitting something I didn’t know existed.
“Breathe, Love,” he says in the same tone.
I manage to suck in some much-needed air, and he reaches up to grab the back of my head, his fingers firmly tugging at my hair. I gasp, letting the breath whoosh out of me.
“I warned you, if you kept taking the blame for something that was not your fault, I’d redden your ass. Is that what you want, Love? You want to be taken over my knee, and your ass spanked so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week?”
I whimper. The idea shouldn’t be so fucking appealing, not when I’ve never done it before.
“You listen to me, Carter Amato, and you listen well…you are not responsible for Cole’s kidnapping, no matter what this pretty head of yours thinks.” I open my mouth to protest and he gives me alook, and oh fuck, thatdoesthings to me, too. “You are not to take this misplaced guilt onto yourself. Not when it’s that bitch’s fault. Her and the Senator are the ones who took our son, and wewillget him back. Once we do…we will raze everything he ever built to the ground. Cole is going to need us, all of us. He’ll need his daddies to remind him he’s safe and loved, and that includes you.”
I try to shake my head, but his grip on my hair prevents it. “I don’t deserve to be his father,” I whisper. “I failed him. Just like I failed Roman when he was a kid. My brother used him against me, and now that bastard is using Cole against you. I…I can’t do this, Keegan.”
Acid burns in my throat once more, and I fear I’m going to be sick again. Keegan must see something on my face because he urges me to my knees, telling me tobreathe, that I’mgoing to be okay, he’s got me.
