Spinning on my heel, I move to my office, my exhaustion already settling in. With work to be done, I once again consider IV coffee; it has to be more effective than simply drinking it.
Leandro is already at his desk, and doesn’t question me when I drop two of the names onto his desk. Most people probably wouldn’t trust him after the Stanley fuck up, but he knows better. If he doesn’t want to, rightfully, be taken to task for that mess, he’ll do what I ask.
Settling in at my desk, I finish my coffee, then send a text to the kitchen ordering another pot.I really need to get a coffee maker in here.
First order of business is the child psychologist, who we, hopefully, don’t have to kidnap.Fuck my life, Jude is going to have a field day.
Standing outside the doorway to one of the guest rooms, I struggle to keep my breathing even. I’m terrified this is the wrong move. That it’ll send him back into the darkness, obliterating every inch of his recovery. Yet…I know he needs this. I twisted him into this, and the disgust rolls in my stomach for my past actions. But I will not make him suffer in silence. Not while there is a breath in my body.
When the trio turns the corner, I only have eyes for my sweet Boy. The one who brings light to my life, who healed me without either of us even realizing. The fact he still trusts me enough to call me Master… If there is anyone undeserving of that, it’s me. Yet, I have to push that guilt away. Sarah warned me this would be hard. She believed I could do it, though. And for Emilio, I will. No matter what.
They stop several feet away, and Hollis turns Emilio toward him, capturing his lips with a searing kiss, stamping his ownership for me to see and for the Boy to feel. My heart aches at the sight. There’s no jealousy in me over it. Hell, there's not even a pang of regret. All that matters is that Emilio gets what he needs. And I hope that his Angel can find himself as well.
The idea that I would have willingly shared my Boy in the past would have been laughable—yet, now, all I feel is gratitude. He deserves every drop of love that we can give him. We all have our own places, and nothing they can do will take my spot from me. I’m not foolish enough to try and take him away from them. It would only hurt Emilio, and that is something I promised to never do again.
They’re too far away for me to hear what Hollis says, but given the way Emilio smiles and relaxes, I can only imagine it’s some form of permission. Thank fuck Hollis understands Emilio’s needs, because he would worry about upsetting his Owner. Once they resume their slow trek over to me, I straighten further, a slight smile spreading across my face when Emilio gets closer.
“Sandro,” Hollis greets me stiffly, the level of distrust in his eyes weighs on my soul.
There are no words I can give him in this case. No way to lessen his hatred of me. If he could see what stains the inside of my mind, he’d realize that the fear and hatred he has doesn’t come close to what’s already there. Their hatred is but a speck, less than a grain of sand, compared to the self-hatred that eats at my own mind. Still, I incline my head respectfully, forcing myself not to fall back. Not when Emilio needs his Master, and while I may feel like I’m dying by inches, nothing will stop me from giving my Boy what he needs. Not Hollis, not Tennant, and not even the demons that prey on my own goddamn mind.
Hollis swallows as he lets Emilio go, turning to brush a kiss against Tennant’s lips before walking away. I’m not surprised when he turns back partially to catch my eye, and I can read the warning on his face clearer than any words spoken. I don’t say anything, simply take it, because that’s not what matters. Taking a deep breath, I hold out my arms, letting Emilio walk into them. For a moment, I have peace. It’s fleeting, but it’s more than I’ll ever deserve.
Forcing my arms to drop, I open the door and usher Emilio and Tennant inside. It’s not set up like the playroom. Instead, I chose to use a very minimalistic design. Thankfully, the four-poster bed works for exactly what I need.
Turning to Emilio, I command, “Strip.”
With a blinding smile, stress almost melts off him, and while he sneaks a quick peek at his Daddy, he doesn’t say a word. Tennant watches everything closely, but while he’s inherently part of the scene, this is between my sweet Boy and me. I’m grateful Tennant is here in case something goes wrong…in case I lose my sanity again. But, for now, my attention stays solely on Emilio.
He’s quick and efficient as he undresses, making sure to fold his clothes as he takes them off. When he’s standing in front of me naked, he shivers, but I know it’s not from the cold. I made sure the room was plenty warm. No, it’s the anticipation feeding him now, the adrenaline of a scene, and not knowing what’s going to happen.
“Come with me.” I hold out my hand and he grasps it firmly, without any hesitation. Fuck. It’s only the years of being forced to be someone I’m not that keeps my face blank as the doubts seep in, because while he trusts me completely, I have no faith in myself at all.
I urge him up onto the bed, having him kneel and face the backboard. It takes a moment to get him in position, as I needhim close enough to the headboard to use the ties that I already arranged together. My uncle would likely be horrified with how expensive these ties are, but I had no problem sacrificing them. Tied together, they act as a perfect rope.
One is looped around the column on the left of the headboard, and another to the column on the right. I carefully bind one to each of Emilio’s wrists, testing to make sure it won’t hurt him, even if he pulls.
“There’s no numbness, right?” He shakes his head, but that’s not enough. “I need you to give me words. I don’t want you hurt…well, not in the wrong way.”
“No, it’s comfortable,” he huffs, his body shifting impatiently. This isn’t like what we’ve done before and I don’t blame him for being frustrated. I’m changing the rules, but fuck, there’s no other way to do this.
I grip his chin tight, turning his face toward me. “You will use my title while you’re here. And while I am in control, I want you to know that you can say stop at any time, and we will.”
He growls, aggravation building, but this is too important to me. I need him to understand that while I’m his Master, and I’ll give him the pain he needs, I never want to hurt him again, not in the wrong way. I drop my hand, but don’t take my eyes from his. There’s a fight within them, and I know he’s screaming for me to just dominate him, but I can’t let that voice win. Not here. Not now. Not when it could lead to the ruin of everything.
Finally, he gives in and his shoulders slump. “Yes, Master.”
The misery in his voice has nothing on what chases through me. Fuck. How do I give him what he needs while still getting through to him that he’s the most important thing in my life?
I glance over at Tennant, the judgment in his eyes stealing my breath, and I force myself to turn away from him. Fuck. Can’t he tell I’m trying to follow his and Hollis’s rules?
Breathing out, I run my hand through Emilio’s hair, crooning, “You are such a good Boy. My sweet one. Always.”
He thrashes his head, and I let my hand pull back instinctively. Slapping his ass, I’m not sure which one of us is jarred the most. He lets out a mewl that settles me, that reinforces what I’m doing, even as I’m torn apart.
“That’s right. You don’t get to decide that. I do. Now, I want you to tell me why you’re here.”
“To be punished.” He says it with such certainty that it robs me of everything good, knowing he thinks he deserves punishment.
