Before knocking on the door, I hold my hand out and James passes over the water bottle he's carrying. He laughs as I take a few sips before handing it back.
I give a brisk knock on the door, and hear a crisp, “Enter”. I look to James before walking in. “Wish me luck.”
“Stop stalling, Ash.”
Sighing, I push open the door to find Jude and Hollis sitting behind the desk.
“Voice off,” Jude signs.
I nod in understanding. “Okay. Everything alright?”
“Fine…if you discount the fact Roman tried to scare us all to death—again—today. No thanks to you.”
I cringe. “I'm sorry.” Pressing my fist to my chest, I let out a shaky breath before signing sorry again. “I…this was the last fucking thing I wanted to happen.”
“So what did you want to happen?” Hollis asks. “Because Lio and Roman both got hurt due to your actions, and if it wasn't for the trust between us, you'd be fucking dead right now.”
Hollis’s signs are sharp, his face stoney. I'm pretty sure, if he could, he would have murdered me with his hard, dark brown gaze by now.
“I know. But…please, believe me when I say I never meant for this to happen. I…fuck, yes, I knew Stanely wasn't the right fit. But, on average, a person can see three therapists before finding the right one. So this isn't discouraging. Just…it escalated to a point I didn't expect, and I'm sorry. I'll apologize to Roman and Emilio as well.”
Neither man looks happy, but they don't kill me, so I hope that's a good sign.
Jude waves to the chair across from the desk, and I sit before they change their mind.
“Now…I've spoken to Dr. Ranlen and Javi—I'll check in on Roman and Lio after this meeting, but I'll reassure you again, they're okay. Neither of the other doctors did anything I wouldn't have.”
Hollis lets out a shaky breath. “Thank you. I still want you to check them over. Roman…dissociating, as Javi called it, was fucking terrifying.”
“I know. But his brain was just trying to protect him. Roman has gone through a lot, not just now, but since the very beginning of all this. We all have, but you know Roman, he takes on more than most.” Part of what makes him such a good Boss and Council member is how much he cares, but it means that when he hurts, he hurts deeply.
I'm honestly surprised he's never dissociated before. Though, while he's not been formally diagnosed with PTSD or depression—yet—I can also say it's never been this bad before…but I'll leave the diagnosis and all that to Javi and his future army. I didn't follow him when our paths and specialties diverged in school for a reason. Even if having a friend would have been nice. Instead, I got stuck with fucking Murry—who probably would run away if he ever met Javi.Now there's a thought…it's been a while since I've spoken to my old “friend”.
“Javi wants to bring in his own therapists, and I agree with him. I…should have consulted with him first, but I let my own ideals get in the way.”
“We know. I've been combing through the two therapists he gave me: Connor Thorne and Anderson Hale. They're both on the up and up, though.” TheunlikeStanleygoes unsaid.
“They were both on my original list.” I don't explain why I chose not to use them; we'll be getting to that in a moment.
“Any ideas how to bring them on?” Jude asks. “From what Hollis has shown me…they have stellar reputations, waiting lists a mile long, and don't seem to be short of money…”
“No,” I agree. “Though, thanks to Leandro paying for Antonio’s surgery, that frees up some funds in our budget, so we can offer competitive compensation. But you could offer Connor all the money in the world and he wouldn’t leave. He is… Normal persuasions won’t work with him. Even if we tried to approach him the same way I did Javi, it wouldn’t work. Anderson…he could be persuaded; partly with money and partly for a good cause. But, before we dive deeper into that, I have two more names for you.”
Jude frowns, his pale green eyes going a shade darker at my news. “You really think we need not just one butfourtherapists?”
“Javi does, and given who he wants to bring in? I agree.”
“Give me their names.”
I pass the list over to Hollis, and he gives it a quick look before typing them into his computer. “Anything you need to impart before I run this? Also Reid Hale is…”
“Anderson’s husband, yes. Other than that, Reid and Ian have a practice together because their specialties can sometimes have a bit of an overlap.”
Hollis hums and starts doing…whatever it is hackers do when they’re checking up on someone. After a few minutesof sitting in silence, where I try, and fail, to not squirm under Jude’s stare—a fucking Dom with sadist tendencies is not someone I want to have the undivided attention of—Hollis snorts and looks at me.
“Sex therapy?” he asks slowly.
I shrug. “All of you are…kinky fuckers, and Ian has an innate understanding of dynamics. I don’t know him well—he’s a bit younger than me, and his specialty was outside of the scope I needed—but Javi wants him for good reason.”
