Everything hinged on the conversation they were about to have with Etta. If it went well, that was at least a start.
Xander switched off the TV and turned to his daughter.
‘We have some exciting news for you,’ he said.
Etta’s eyes lit up as if her dad was about to tell her that he was taking her to Disneyland and Immy cringed. She appreciated the positive angle he was trying to take with his daughter but he didn’t have to look like he’d won the lottery, although that did make her feel warm inside.
‘What is it?’ Etta said.
‘You’re going to be a big sister.’
She screwed up her little face in confusion, probably trying to work out how her deceased mum was going to have a baby.
‘Immy’s having a baby,’ Xander quickly explained. ‘My baby.’
Etta looked at her. ‘There’s a baby in your belly right now?’
Immy nodded. ‘Yes, he or she is very small, probably the size of a plum.’ She showed her with her thumb and finger.
‘And Daddy put it there?’
‘Yes, sort of. He gave me a seed called a sperm and Ihave an egg and when the two combine they make a baby.’ She knew Etta had a basic knowledge of how babies were made, Xander had tried to explain it to her before when Etta had been upset and confused that he might not be her dad. Immy had looked up online how to explain the birds and the bees to children and there was a lot of advice about using the right words.
Etta’s little nose wrinkled with confusion as she turned back to her dad. ‘But in the books you gave me about how babies are made, it said that when two people love each other very much they might decide to make a baby. Do you two love each other very much?’
‘Umm…’ Xander looked at Immy, his eyes soft, and she willed him not to say yes. Not because she didn’t want to hear those words but because it wasn’t fair to give Etta false hope or lies about their relationship. It was still so early for them, she had no idea if this thing would work between them. It was clear, no matter what happened, he wanted to be part of the baby’s life and that meant that Etta would be too, so Immy had no problem talking to her about the baby but she didn’t want to dress it up with false promises.
‘Welikeeach other very much,’ Immy interrupted before Xander could tell Etta they were getting married and would live happily ever after. ‘And that might mean that sometimes we kiss and cuddle each other.’
‘And sometimes sleep in the same bed,’ Xander said.
‘But you don’t love each other?’ Etta asked.
‘Love normally happens when you get to know the person really well,’ Immy said.
‘You know each other well enough to have a baby but not enough to love each other?’ Etta asked, as if she was twenty years older.
Immy bit her lip. Of course, Etta was right. Immy had all these silly ideas about a happy ever after with Xander and, while she knew she had started to fall in love with him after the first time they’d slept together, she knew she needed to get to know him more before she started believing in that future. She didn’t want to start imagining her wedding day, Etta as a flower girl, Xander looking devastatingly handsome in a suit as he waited for her at the end of the aisle.
She rubbed her chest a little because that image made her heart ache. The way she was feeling tonight, if Xander had proposed again, she would probably have said yes. She needed to claw back some of her reservations, be more sensible about her decisions. She needed to keep her heart locked away, not give it to him so freely just because he was being so sweet and lovely right now.
Etta was still looking confused and Xander was clearly trying to decide how to tell her the baby was accidental.
‘Sometimes babies are made because two people decide they want a baby and sometimes babies are made and it’s a wonderful surprise,’ Xander said. ‘Something that wasn’t planned but is exciting and brilliant news. You were a surprise baby and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t tell you how happy I was when I found out you were on your way.’
‘Even though I might not have been made with your seed?’ Etta asked.
‘I loved you when you were still in your mummy’s tummy. I loved you even more when you were born and I got to hold you for the first time. That love got bigger and bigger over the years as you grew up into this brilliant, funny, kind little girl. That love will never go away and it doesn’t matter if you were made by someone else’s seed, I will always love you. You were the best surprise ever and Immy’s baby is also a wonderful surprise.’
‘And the baby was definitely made with your seed, not someone else’s?’
‘Yes,’ Xander said.
‘But how do you know if you don’t remember giving her the seed?’
‘I remember giving her the seed.’
‘Then why is it a surprise?’
