‘Don’t apologise. It helps me know you, the real you.’
‘What was your relationship with your parents like? I know your mum is no longer with us. But I don’t know much else.’
‘She died when I was nineteen, I was heartbroken. The three of us were very close and after she died that brought Alex and I even closer. My dad wasn’t on the scene at all. Another dad who didn’t want to be a parent. He walked out on us when Alex was two months old. I was not even two so I have no memory of him at all. We never saw him again. I have no idea if he’s still alive.’
‘I’m sorry about your mum and that your dad missed out on knowing how amazing you are.’
She smiled. ‘Thank you. I think family is important and, while my parents are no longer in the picture, Alex, my niece, Zara and now Quinn are very special to me. When I had a brain injury, Alex looked after me and I’ll never forget that.’
He frowned. ‘I didn’t know you had a brain injury.’
‘Oh yes, many years ago, before Zara was born. I think I was twenty or twenty-one. I fell off a horse and, well, it made a bit of a mess of my brain. The frustrating thing was on the surface I was fine. I could walk, talk, seemingly everything was fine so people never took my brain injury seriously. But it was simple things like not being able to do the buttons up on my shirt or tie my shoelaces or remember how to make a cup of tea. Doing your buttons up is such a simple, automatic thing, you could read a book or watch a TV programme and do it at the same time without any thought at all. But for me the part of the brain that was responsible for those kinds of actions was damaged and so I’d hold the edges of a shirt together and the message from my brain to tell my fingers what to do just wouldn’t come through. It led to a lot of tears and frustration, I can tell you. And it wasn’t enough that someone would show me how to do it, multiple times, because I just couldn’t get my fingers to work like that.’
‘Wow, that sounds difficult.’
‘It was. I mean, the easy answer is don’t wear a shirt, or pull the shirt over my head, but I wore a shirt every damn day and tried to do it up every single day. Sometimes I could get one button done and that was enough, sometimes I’d get a few more done, sometimes it wouldn’t work at all. But I wasn’t going to let it beat me. The brain has a tremendous ability to heal itself and if the parts of the brain responsible for something like tying shoelaces is irreversibly damaged then the braincan find a new route around the damage. It takes time and I needed a lot of neurological physiotherapy to improve my mobility, strength, balance, co-ordination and to slowly teach my brain to do these things again. It was a long road.’
Xander looked at her with admiration. ‘It sounds like dogged perseverance and determination played a big factor in that too.’
‘Yes, it did.’
‘I admire you so much for that. It would have been so easy to just accept your lot – like you say, stop wearing shirts, wear Velcro shoes, give up tea – but you fought to get back to some normality. You should be proud of yourself for that.’
Immy bit her lip as she remembered. ‘So many doctors told me that these issues were likely to be permanent, but I didn’t accept that. Then I found one doctor who talked to me about neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself, to rewrite those neuropathways so I could find a way. He was the one that referred me for neurological physiotherapy and suddenly I had hope. The worst thing you can do is take away someone’s hope. But he told me there was a possibility that my brain could adapt. So I did those exercises every damn day and I could feel myself getting stronger again, until slowly those problems went away. It took a long time – even a year or two down the line I could do those little things like tying my hair in a ponytail or tying my shoelaces most days but then some days the block would just come back forno apparent reason. It very much felt like one step forward, three steps back.’
‘And everything is OK now?’
‘Yes, mostly. The damage that affects my fine motor skills, the small movements in my fingers needed to tie my shoe laces is still there, but the brain has found a way round it, it’s found a new path so I can do those things again. But very occasionally, especially if I’m really tired or really upset or stressed, I’ll have a little blip. I guess because of the stress I’m under my brain starts trying the old path instead of the new one. I might stare at the buttons on my shirt and just forget how to do them up even though I’ve been doing them just fine for years. The last time was a year ago when I was really ill with the flu. The time before that was about two years ago when Jacob’s brother died. I grieved so hard for him, cried non-stop for weeks, and that was it, the block came back. I think it will probably always be there lingering in the shadows of my brain, and if I get really upset over something I’ll just forget how to do it all over again. But normally, once I’ve calmed down or had a break from trying, it comes back.’
Immy pushed her hand through her hair, it had been a long road. ‘Learning to do these things again taught me about my limits too. Yes I did the exercises every single day, yes I tried to do the buttons on my shirt and tie my shoelaces every day, but sometimes it wasn’t going to happen and I had to accept that. Sometimes it was enough to just watch Alex do my buttons for me, slowly, because watching was a form of learning too.And sometimes you just need to have a break from trying. I did a lot of painting during that time, a lot of work with clay too. Having that creative outlet was really important.’
Xander nodded. ‘Yes, I’ve heard that. Quinn and Alex work at the Wonky Tree Studios and they do therapeutic art workshops to help those with brain injuries.’
‘Yes, I’m so proud of her for being involved in that. But that’s why when I run the Easter egg hunt all the money goes to brain injury charities like Headway as they do a lot of rehabilitation workshops. Meeting other people who were in the same boat as me really helped. I also donate the proceedings to stroke charities because a stroke can cause damage to the brain too. Alzheimer’s and dementia are also connected to the brain and, while they involve a different kind of damage that can’t be cured, there are things that can help so we’ve given to them over the years too.’
‘That’s wonderful. I can see why you’re so passionate about it now.’
‘Yeah, we have to make sure the Easter egg hunt goes ahead this year, in some capacity. Even if the shop isn’t ready, the hunt still needs to happen.’
‘We’ll make sure of that.’
‘Thank you. So, are you not close with your brothers?’
‘I am and I’m not. I love them all dearly. Growing up with no parents, it made us stick together, look out for each other. We give each other hell and take the piss out of each other but it comes from a place of love.’
Immy laughed.
‘I’m closer to Logan and Jared, as they are nearer to my age, Logan was born the year before me and Jared a year later. Then there was a bit of a gap where my dad was clearly behaving himself, then Ryker was born two and a half years later, then Max the following year, then Archer a year later. Logan is… difficult. As the oldest I think he felt responsible for us. He would always protect us so fiercely growing up. That hasn’t really changed now and consequently he seems to take everything so seriously. I can’t even remember the last time I heard him laugh out loud at something. I don’t see Jared that often because he works so damn hard, although we all keep in touch via a group text chat when we can. Ryker does a lot of travelling around the world as part of his job. He loves it but part of me thinks he’s just running away from the loneliness that we all felt growing up. Max, as you know, has more jobs than you can count but as we both live in the same town, I see him all the time, which as you’ve experienced tonight is not necessarily a good thing. Archer is so laid-back he’s practically horizontal. He’s an artist so he definitely has that chilled-out vibe.’
‘I know Logan, Archer and Max, I don’t know the others.’
‘They were all there at Violet’s Big Christmas Day lunch last year,’ Xander said, referring to his aunt’s Christmas celebrations that the whole family was invited to.
‘Yeah, I only had eyes for you at that party,’ Immy said.
He smiled. ‘Same. You looked ravishing in that red velvet dress.’
‘And you did ravish me in that dress later that night. You were like a wild animal. I barely got through the front door of your flat and you had me pinned up against the wall. Best sex ever.’
