‘A lot of men wouldn’t take that position,’ she said.
‘How could I not? That love doesn’t just go away because technically she is someone else’s. Anyway, they left and I had the aftermath to deal with. Etta crying non-stop because her mum had left her, because Mummy hated her, crying because I might not be her dad. And I have never felt so much hatred for a person in my entire life. For Brook to leave was bad enough but for her to destroy Etta so easily and vehemently was unforgivable. Five days later she was dead.Uncle Nick,as it turned out, was a pilot but not a particularly good one. He took Brook up for a little spin in a two-seater plane and crashed five minutes after taking off, killing them both. Apparently he was showing off with some kind of badly handled stunt and lost control. And I guess there is supposed to be a part of me that should be sad about that but all I could think was that she could never hurt Etta again. And at least I would be spared the mess of a divorce.’
He sounded bitter and angry and rightly so. How could anyone do that to a five-year-old child?
‘Etta kept asking me if Uncle Nick was really her dadand whether she had two dads. She was so confused and unsettled by it. I had to get a book out the library to try to explain how babies are made. Unfortunately there didn’t appear to be one that explained that while I might not be her biological dad she was still my daughter. So I explained that it’s possible that Uncle Nick might have provided the seed that helped to make her, but that I will always be her dad. I told her that when she’s older we can find out the truth, if she wants, but that no matter what, I will always love her.’
Immy wanted to cry for him, and Etta. ‘I’m so sorry, I had no idea.’
‘No one does. My brothers know she left me, but only Logan knows about my questionable paternity. But after the dust had settled I vowed that from here on in it would just be me and Etta, that I would never have a relationship and that way I would never put her in a position to be hurt and betrayed ever again.’
She sighed. That wasn’t any way to live but at least now she understood why Xander kept pushing her away. ‘While I do understand the need to protect Etta, she’s been through hell, I also think it’s important for her to see a healthy, loving relationship. You and Brook never had that. Being in love with someone, being loved so completely and utterly, is a wonderful, incredible thing and I’m sad you’re never going to have that. Wouldn’t it be better to date someone, not necessarily me, away from Etta and once you know it’s something serious and they seem like a good, kind decent person, introduce them to Etta then?’
‘I thought the way I was living my life worked fine. Me and Etta against the world and, now and again, when Etta was with her grandparents, I’d find someone to spend the night with. Nothing serious, just some fun and definitely no relationships or attachments – that way no one could get hurt. And then I met someone I wanted more with. I was determined to protect Etta but I couldn’t stay away from this woman who filled my every thought.’
Her breath caught in her throat. Was he talking about her?
He looked at her. ‘And then at Christmas, when Etta nearly caught us, I panicked about how she would take it, whether she might feel pushed out if she knew I was with someone or scared that I might leave her too. So I pushed you away when that was the very last thing I wanted. I was an idiot and I’m sorry.’
‘You’re not an idiot… well, maybe a little one.’
He smirked at that.
‘You were trying to do what you thought was best for your daughter and after what she went through I’m not surprised you feel so protective of her.’
He took her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb which sent tingles through her body. ‘Is it too late to start again?’
Immy let out a heavy breath. ‘I don’t know. It has been the longest, weirdest twenty-four hours. I found out I was pregnant, my shop and house caught fire, I went to hospital, went through a ton of tests, saw my baby for the first time on the ultrasound, which wasbeyond emotional, you’ve proposed marriage and now this. My head is buzzing.’
‘I know, sorry, this is terrible timing. I had no intention of landing this on you. But when I thought last night that you were pregnant with another man’s child and you were going to go off and get married to him, I thought I’d lost you and I realised what a complete idiot I was pushing away the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. But you’re right, we can talk about this another time.’
She sighed because hearing all this did make her determination never to do anything with Xander again soften. The walls she’d built around her heart to protect herself from him were starting to crumble. He had hurt her but now she knew why. It wasn’t because he was an asshole, he’d been trying to protect his daughter and she couldn’t hate him for that. In fact her heart broke for him.
‘It’s not a no. I just need time to think about it. As much as you hate to admit it, you’ve been broken by Brook’s behaviour too. You were lied to, for five years. You would never have got married if it hadn’t been for the lie and then she betrayed you while you were at work, multiple times, over many years. And what she did to Etta was unforgivable. I think you need to have some time to work through those scars and decide if a relationship is what you really want and if I’m the one you really want that with. And for my part, my pregnancy hormones are causing my emotions to be all over the place. My fragile heart couldn’t take it if you gaveme hope that this was something serious and then pushed me away again when you got scared.’
‘That won’t happen.’
She was silent for a moment. ‘I think I’d just prefer to be friends for now.’
He nodded. ‘I understand.’
God, she didn’t want that. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to hold him after what he’d just told her. She was kidding herself if she thought she could just be friends with this man.
He stroked her face, sending tingles of pleasure through her body. His brow creased in concern. ‘You look exhausted.’
‘I feel like I’ve run a marathon.’
‘You had a hell of a day yesterday. Maybe you should spend the day in bed.’
The way he was looking at her made her think he had alternative plans to sleeping.
She laughed. ‘Stop looking at me as if you’d like to do wicked things to me.’
‘Oh, I definitely want to do wicked things to you.’
Her heart leapt at that thought. She couldn’t turn this man down, no matter how much her head told her it was a bad idea. Her body was already starting to hum with just the memory of the last time they made love.
‘But if you want to just be friends I will respect that. And I think a day of rest will probably be more beneficial,’ Xander said. ‘I can stay with you, bring you meals and hold you in my arms and stroke you while you sleep.’
