Back then, by the end of senior year, despite my crush, I’d convinced myself that I hated him. Until the moment Amber Bradshaw pushed me into her parents’ walk-in closet with him at the graduation party, I was still mostly convinced. That is, until a blindfolded AJ pressed his lips to mine, and all my ire evaporated when I kissed him back.
Watching him blatantly French kissing Amber Bradshaw afterward, in front of everyone, it hurt. I didn’t have the confidence to walk over and tap him on the shoulder and ask if he knew it wasn’t Amber he’d been kissing before she’d declared to her party guests that it was. Yet afterward, I’d asked myself whether it was Amber he’d been wanting to kiss all along. That one kiss may have been mind-blowing for me but run-of-the-mill for him. The following day, I flew back to England. Until three nights ago, that was the last time I saw AJ.
Nothing has fundamentally changed since that night. Other than he still doesn’t know it was me he kissed. It almost feels too late to tell him now. Like a moot point. A footnote that nobody reads.
Nobody hangs on to their high school crush.Literally no one.
So why can’t I seem to get rid of mine?
I leave the restroom. Pay for some snacks and drinks, and an extra bag of chicken nuggets for Noah, then head back outside.
As I approach, I spy AJ, leaning on the hood of my car. His legs crossed at his ankles, the zipper on his leather jacket hanging open, he’s eating a burger. I find myself looking away, because watching him gives me butterflies. The same feelings I’ve always had are still there.
Ugh.
But being in his constant presence, those same old feelings are becoming impossible to ignore.
Chapter Eleven
AJ
I exit the building at the truck stop and head back over to Hollie’s car. Noah’s sulking in the back seat with his feet up. I toss a grease-stained McDonald’s brown paper bag into his lap through the open window, and he brightens, digging into French fries and nuggets within seconds, slurping iced Coke through a paper straw.
I lean on the door frame and tuck my head inside the back seat. ‘Now’s the part where you thank me, dipshit.’
‘Jeez,’ he says with his mouth full. ‘Thanks already. Hollie’s getting me snacks too.’
‘She tell you that?’
‘Oh, she told me a whole lotta things.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Means she told me what you guys put her through in high school. You guys were assholes. Hollie’s a good person. She didn’t deserve any of that.’
I straighten. Something twists in my gut because, despite blanking a whole lot of it out of my brain, I remember some of the things I let Chase get away with in high school. Some of the things I laughed at that weren’t even funny.
‘What did she say?’ I ask.
‘She told me about the condoms in her locker… the time you guys spliced her head onto a porn star’s body and turned her into a poster girl, the time you sent her to the party where nobody else was at… You’re all fucking losers.’
I tense my jaw.
‘You owe her an apology, man,’ Noah says between mouthfuls.
I walk away, lean up against the hood and unwrap my burger. When I sink my teeth into it, I realize I’m not all that hungry.
Noah’s right. I should say sorry for some of the shit we pulled back then. Some of it wasnotcool.
When Hollie walks back out the building, I pretend not to look. Focus on eating my burger, which now tastes bitter in my mouth. But I’m watching her, out the corner of my eye. She’s removed her sweater from first thing this morning. She wears boots and a pair of denim cut-off shorts, a baby pink tee with a sunshine logo that matches the shade of her hair. Maybe it’s the way she walks that’s different, like she’s more comfortable in her own skin, in a way that she never was in high school. I can’t exactly put my finger on it.
I finish my burger. When she reaches me, I straighten. ‘Noah said you were talkin’ ’bout… us bein’ in high school.’
She holds my gaze for just a moment. Her eyes are hazel with flecks of green in them. I don’t think I ever really looked at them before. ‘We should probably push on,’ she says, and whatever jackass apology for the past I was about to offer up gets shot down. ‘Get back out on the road.’
For some reason, I don’t answer right away. Guess I was tryna make conversation, only every time she talks with Noah, she gets all weird with me. ‘Right,’ I say. ‘You’re right.’
I watch her open the rear passenger door and hand a load of snacks to Noah. I hear his jubilant reaction too. My mom always spoiled that kid, in a way that me and Logan never got spoiled. Maybe that’s why he thinks he can do what he wants and get away with it, and why we’re in this goddamn situation. Mom never told him ‘no’. Seems like Hollie’s not gonna either. It’s like they’ve got this cutesy little soft spot for one another, and I’m not invited to their little fan club party.
