‘And… I can’t be near you,’ I add.
There’s a muscle in his jaw that pulses. He keeps his eyes down, then wipes his hand over his head to remove his cap. ‘In my head, I had this all figured out,’ he says. ‘I hoped you wouldn’t be able to resist me, and we’d come up with some kind of… I don’t know. There’d be some way we could see each other in secret. But, hey, guess I gotta accept that I’m not that irresistible.’
He’s smiling, but it’s a sad smile. Guilt washes over me.
‘I hope you know I’d never try to get you into trouble. I know what being in the CMC means to you.’
‘I know. And I’m grateful. If I wasn’t a CMC, I’d say yes in a heartbeat.’
Except he wouldn’t know the truth.
‘You would?’ He smiles and suddenly my cheeks feel warm. ‘How ’bout I quit the NFL? What then?’
I laugh because the idea is too crazy. Now our situation just feels impossible.
‘Maybe Lemon’ll turn out to be a real nice girl,’ I say.
He looks miserable. ‘Lemon isn’t who I want.’
The sun has dipped on the horizon. It’s getting dark and the breeze rustles in the long grass.
‘Take me back to the diner?’ I ask lightly.
He nods. ‘Sure.’
By the time we’ve packed up, darkness has fallen, and it feels like the right time to leave the lake. We complete the ride back to The Bounty mostly in silence. Jake parks the truck in the farthest corner of the parking lot so I can see inside the diner windows. It’s a slow Friday night, one of the waitresses is leaning up against the bar studying her nails.
He kills the engine. I’m still wearing his varsity jacket, so I wriggle out of it. Even the tiniest sound is amplified inside the cab. It’s hard to make out Jake’s expression in the shadows.
‘I’m sorry if I wasted your time,’ I say after a moment.
He looks to me then shakes his head. ‘You haven’t wasted my time. I’m just happy that I got to spend some time alone with you. And I respect your choice. No matter how much I wish that clause in your contract didn’t exist. If it didn’t… I’d be asking you to be my girl right now.’
Something stirs in my chest. If that clause in my contract didn’t exist, I’m pretty sure I’d be saying yes to his offer.
‘I don’t mean to pressure you or anything,’ he continues. ‘I just meant that… I think… I think you’re really something, Serenity. And I can’t get you out of my head.’
His fingers brush up against mine on the leather seat. The sensation causes me to catch my breath. I’m caught up in an overwhelming desire to kiss and be kissed by him.
In the shadows, he holds my gaze. It’s so quiet inside the cab, I can hear us both breathing.
‘Can I kiss you?’ he murmurs.
I can’t say yes. I don’t want to say no. When he leans closer, I don’t move. He lifts one hand, the backs of his fingers brushing my cheek in a feather-light touch.
The seats crunch underneath him as he moves closer still. My heart races. I know I should leave now, before things get complicated, but I’m anchored, caught by his gaze and the way he’s bearing down on me.
I swallow. I want to tell him that this has to be a kiss goodbye, but I’m craving it, now that his mouth is inches from my own. I want his lips on mine.
‘Serenity—’ he whispers, and the ache in his tone obliterates the last of my resistance. I nod my head and lean into him, just as my lips part. His fingers slide into my hair at the nape of my neck and in that moment, I’m crying out on the inside for him to lay claim to my mouth. Finally, when he lowers his head, his lips touch mine and I realize the extent of my denial.
I’ve wanted this. I’veneededthis.
I’ve made out with guys before. In high school, I had jocks yank me into their laps then slam their mouths into mine and call it kissing. I’ve been on dates with guys who only want to get to third base, mostly bypassing the foreplay. So much that I think that, until this moment, I don’t think I’ve ever really beenkissed.
Jake’s big hands are at my waist, easing me closer. The altered angle deepens our kiss. His tongue tastes mine, and it sets off a spark, underneath my skin bursting into flames.
Heat surges through me. He gathers me up, and his low moan into my mouth tells me he wants this as much as I do. In the silence, the noises our kissing makes are broadcast around the cab: every slick peak as we break apart, every trembled breath. His hands are on my thighs. My intimate muscles are taut, and I can feel myself getting wet for him.
