“Yeah, you have. But there’s still time to fix it for Nelson.”
“And with you?”
“You’ll get me onside if you’re a good daddy to our son.”
“And us? If Tash and me are done. Is there?—?”
“No. There can’t be anus. I can come to forgive how you’ve treated me but I’ll never forget.”
He exhales slowly, then starts walking again. “Can I push?” he asks, and I let him take over with the buggy. “I’ve missed a whole year of him,” he says, staring at Nelson, who, unintentionally, could pull on any human’s heartstrings right now because he looks so darn cute wrapped up in the blanket Mama knitted for him.
“We’re having a first birthday party for him, the weekend after Thanksgiving, if you want to come.”
“Who’ll be there?” he asks.
“Your son.”
40
ANNIE – LATE NOVEMBER
Pressure
It’s been two weeks since what happened between Tanner and me on the sofa. Since it was quickly swept up by Auston’s surprise visit. Tanner and I never had a conclusive conversation about what it meant, if anything, because the single most complicating factor in our friendship-with-benefits was made more obvious than any words.
“Are you all set?” Tanner asks.
I nod, knocking the car into drive as he presses the controller to open his gate. We’re headed into the city because this is the experience I need in order to feel comfortable enough to apply to take my test again.
I’ve cracked the country roads and open space and with Tanner’s gentle but constant reminders of the technical points, I’m doing everything the handbook says I need to be doing. I’ve applied to retake the written exam again next week, which is no problem since I’ve passed it twice before, then there’ll be nothing standing in my way of booking another test.
This time, I really want to pass it for myself, for Nelson and Tanner and all the effort he’s put into supporting me. Though I feel the added pressure of letting more people down if I fail. It grips me now as we drive onto the highway.
Pressure is everywhere right now, as the Bears have lost another two games. The wheels have finally fallen off. Defenses have worked out Lamar’s moves. Of course, it can’t be helping his mindset, or the rest of the team’s, that the trade rumors surrounding Lamar and Auston haven’t gone away.
Naively, perhaps, I thought Auston might have seen sense after our conversation in the park and put the brakes on a trade, for now. Clearly, I don’t know where his head or those talks are at because the trade deadline is next week and there’s still a chance that Auston will be wearing a Bears’ uniform very soon. Another thing that Tanner and I have silently decided not to discuss.
“You’re crushing it, Annie,” Tanner tells me about my driving.
I cling on to that part of me that believes him as tightly as I’m holding on to the steering wheel. I hope that my examiner makes me feel as competent and safe as Tanner.
When we’ve been driving for an hour and my palms are increasingly less sweaty each time I make a maneuver across the road or deal with a red light, Tanner tells me to pull into a narrow underground car park.
“Are you kidding me? You can see the size of that hole, right? There’s no way I’m fitting this car through there.”
I’ve stopped the car in a backstreet behind a hotel – the hotel the car park belongs to. One of the finest hotels in San Antonio. I’ve eaten here once on the rooftop, the day my brother was drafted to the Bears.
“Annie Quinn, didn’t you once tell me that you pushed a bowling ball out of a pinhole?”
I scrunch my nose in response – that was before I wanted him to find me attractive. “Yeah, I said that.”
“Then by that girl math, driving this car into that garage is like riding a pushbike through a valley.”
With a deep breath, I knock the car back into drive and prepare for my latest task, mumbling, “For the record, it’s not okay to use the way a mama speaks about birthing a baby against her.”
I pretend I can’t see him smirking as I put full lock on and with surprising ease, navigate the car into the parking lot, then on Tanner’s instruction, reverse into a bay.
Which brings back to my mind the question I’ve been asking myself lately: if I pass the test, what happens after – with our living arrangements and that my legitimate excuse to be in Tanner’s life all week will be taken away? What even happens to this car? Does hefor realgive it to Darcy after this? That makes sense, obviously. It’s rational that I’d move back to the ranch full-time and commute to college and Betty takes care of Nelson at the ranch on the days I’m not around. Tanner can get back to focusing on football and Aaron will make him meals for one again.
