I want to go further. To tell him that being intimate with himmeantsomething to me. But how can I do that when everything is such a mess? Whywould I do that? I’ve had enough rejection to last a lifetime.
Right after the best orgasm I’ve ever had, we slept in different rooms. And yes, I said we ought to but I was only beating Tanner to it. He was about to let me down gently with a line he’s probably used a hundred times before. His own take on “it’s not you, it’s me”.
I couldn’t bear to hear it. Not from him.
“See you soon, then?” he asks as I take a step back out of his hold and nod.
I raise a hand as I walk to the house, feeling like the weight of the world is crushing my chest.
“Annie!”
I turn to face him.
“I like you.”
I scoff. “I like you, too, Tanner.”
“No. Ilikeyou, Annie. I know that isn’t much of a commitment, and that I have the worst timing in telling you. I know all the reasons we can’t do this or shouldn’t get into something. I understand everything is fucking complicated and so far from orthodox, but…” He holds his hands out from his sides. “I likeyou, Annie Quinn. I’m not sorry about last night, even if it’s fucked up today. I’m not asking you for anything, I just need you to know that if there’s part of you that likes me back, then?—”
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
I shrug. “Then what, Tanner? You heard how many caveats you gave your feelings, right? How would you see mutuallikeplaying out between us?”
“I don’t know.”
I try to smile but I know it only tugs on one side of my lips. I’ve wanted him to want me, now he’s saying maybe he does, but?—
My phone chimes, startling me. I glance to it and see Auston’s name on the screen.
Auston
Because I want to be in Texas. Close to you and Nelson.
There on my screen is another thing I’ve wanted for so long.Be careful what you wish for.I leave the phone in my bag and look back to the man in front of me. Sweet, kind, protective, funny. Mr. Right at the wrong time.
“Have a good rest of your day, Tanner Pace.”
His chest visibly rises and falls with his next breath. “You, too, Annie.”
I head into the house and watch him drive away, then go in search of my baby boy. The love of my life, who I need to put first in all this mess.
34
PACE – EARLY NOVEMBER
You’ve Been Making Eyes at Her All Day
Darcy
Have you heard from Annie yet?
Me
You mean since you gave me the worst advice ever and I spilled my guts to her and terrified her? No.
Darcy
The play was the right one, it was the execution that let you down.
