It isn’t intended to be romantic or leading; it’s a friend, putting an arm around another friend, trying to tell her that she’s tough, and this will pass. But I can’t deny how nice it feels to have her curl against my side, her hand on my stomach as we watch the rodeo.
Like chanting a mantra on repeat, I keep reminding myself of the list of reasons I can’t let myself fall for Annie.
We’re a half hour into the competition and my sister hasn’t ridden yet when Annie blurts out, “Auston messaged me today.”
How’s that for a timely reminder not to fall for this girl? I’m starting to think Annie enjoys me choking on her words.
I’d like to say,Why?OrHe’d better have been fucking groveling,but I’m not sure either is the correct response, so I wait for her to tell me more, actively unfurling my fists.
“He apologized,” she says. “His changes of direction give me whiplash.”
“What did you do?”
“So far, I’ve dealt with the issue like a grown-up.”
“You’ve ignored him?”
“Yep.”
She pushes up from my chest and tucks her legs beneath her. I shift until we’re facing each other, elbows resting on the back of the sofa, hands propping up temples – a mirror image of each other. “He said he wants to try again. To meet Nelson and me. But I think he probably wants to reset the narrative in the media ahead of the game. I’ve tried to tune out the noise this week but I know how much negative attention he’s getting.”
“Deservedly so,” I can’t help but say.
“Do you think I should meet him? Give him one last chance? If I do and it ends up the same again, do people say I told you so or call me a bunny boiler, again? If I don’t, then what, am I taking away the opportunity for Nelson to have a daddy?”
It takes all my willpower not to reach out and touch her but that’s not what she needs when she’s talking about a guy screwing her over. The very last thing she needs is another one who shouldn’t be trying to get into her head. But there’s a very real voice in my head, a devil on my shoulder, screaming jealous thoughts.
I don’t want Annie to have anything to do with Auston because… I can’t stand the thought of her going back to him. But he’s a man she once loved, the father of her child, the reason above all others that Annie isn’t free and single, available.
“No one can make this decision for you, Annie. Not me, or Colton, not your daddy or even Auston, and not a bunch of people you’ve never met. You’re shouldering the weight of the world. A little boy’s life. Only you know what to do for the best.”
I hesitate as my next words form, questioning my motive.
“Someday, Nelson will use all this in an argument against you, and you’ll have to put your shoulders back and cry on the toilet seat behind the bathroom door. One day, you’ll wonder if he’d have been different for the better if he’d had his dad around, and you’ll have to accept that you’ll never know. But for what it’s worth, I’m sure I turned out better for not having my dad around.”
I watch her shoulders sag, wishing I could make this easier on her. “Annie, if Auston can’t see what’s on offer, he’s an idiot.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. At some point a boy becomes a man and no matter what’s gone before, a man decides his own future. No excuses. This is all on Auston. His failings. His poor decisions. Don’t let him treat you badly because you think you ought to for the benefit of other people. You’re worth so much more than some dumbass jock.”
She’s silent for a while, reading me like a book, I fear. But I didn’t say any of that for my own benefit. I want what’s right for Annie. I know that’s not me but I’m damn sure it’s not Auston Rogers either.
“Thank you,” she says eventually. I’m not sure which part she’s thanking me for but she leans back into me, curling into my side again and holding on to me.
Friendly. Friends do this. Last season, I’d sit on the sofa and let Sas flop her feet over me or vice-versa while we talked or watched something on TV.
It’s the same thing.
“Ah, here’s my girl,” Annie says, patting my stomach when Darcy comes onto the screen, sitting atop her mare, cowgirl hat in place and the belt buckle that I know is engraved KTD Pace – Kelsey, Tanner, Darcy Pace – the three musketeers. We never needed a deadbeat dad. We turned out okay.
Darcy ropes like the champ she is and right after she wins the night, I message her to tell her that. Then she reminds me of her meet in Dallas in a couple weeks, which happens to coincide with the Bears’ bye weekend and I take every opportunity I can to see my sister in action.
It gives me a great idea to surprise Annie.
First, the Bears have an important game to get through this coming weekend.
23
