Sonny offers us a glass of his finest bourbon when Annie comes back downstairs. I refuse on account of not really drinking during the season. “The older I get, the more I have to look after myself,” I tell them.
“Tanner, you’re thirty-four years old. You’re still young,” Annie tells me.
“Says the spring chick in the room,” I say, chuckling. “I know I’m not old outside the game but I don’t have too many playing years left and if I can look after myself, maybe I get an extra season or two.”
“Wise man. The Bears need you, son,” Sonny tells me.
I’m glad he turns away to hand Annie a drink because his words lodge themselves in my throat. It’s not like I’ve never been called son before. Coach Roy has called me son sometimes, as have the other coaching staff. But there’s something about Sonny saying it, in this place, while we’re sitting around his lounge, that makes me feel invited and welcome, and part of the Quinn pack.
I’m not an overly emotional guy, so his words bring with them a hefty dose of discomfort. I’m grateful for Annie slumping down on the sofa next to me and curling up her feet as she steals the television remote from her dad.
“Darlin’, if you think we’re watchingGilmore Girls?—”
“Oh, Daddy, come on, you and Tanner are talking football anyway.”
He gives her the death stare, making Annie laugh, and instead of theGilmore Girls, she finds a rodeo, which we can all agree on. “Hey, Daddy, did you know that Darcy Pace is Tanner’s sister?”
“Well now, I did not, but I know how much you and your mama love to watch her ride.”
With Annie next to me on the sofa, close but not touching, we watch rodeo and talk about my sister’s status as number one, until Sonny calls it quits and goes to bed. Again, he gives me thedon’t you darestare right before heading up the staircase and I give him a subtle nod. I know the boundary line. I won’t so much as peer over it, let alone step cross it.
With Sonny out of the picture, I take hold of the controller and hand it to Annie. “Don’t tell anyone but I’m good with an episode ofGilmore Girls. It’s one of my guilty pleasures when I’m having a salt bath after a big game.”
Annie laughs so hard I end up covering her mouth with my hand to stop her from waking Nelson, and it does stop her from laughing. In fact, it stops us both from doing anything as her gaze pierces mine and I realize my fingers are pressed to the lips I’ve looked at and wanted to taste too many times tonight. As my hand lingers and I helplessly run my thumb across her bottom lip, I’m mesmerized by the flicker of candlelight in the blacks of her eyes.
I suddenly, thankfully, snap to.
I’m Tanner Pace. Veteran. Teammate. Bachelor.
Despite the comfy mattress on the Quinns’ guest bed, I can’t get to sleep, because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here. This was a bad idea. I’m thinking about Annie tucked in her bed, yards away from me, and I know I can’t. I shouldn’t be picturing her in bedever. And I shouldn’t be here because that move on the sofa, my thumb feeling the softness, the warmth of her lips… that was seeing the line and powering right over it.
This is the one and only time I will stay over at Sunshine Ranch.
Since I’m lying awake anyway, when I hear Nelson cry in the early hours of the morning, I go to him to let Annie sleep.
“Hey, buddy,” I whisper. “How’re you doing?”
He pulls himself up to stand in his crib and holds up an arm to me. Fuck me, this kid is a heartbreaker already.
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to lie him back down, stroke his hair and shush him back to sleep, or pick him up and give the kid a cuddle. Hell, I’m not sure if I’m even supposed to be speaking to him but he wants me and I’m not going to refuse a chubby little face like that with his mama’s big, beautiful eyes and a button nose. So I reach down and pick him up onto my chest, taking us both to sit in the rocking chair.
I kick my feet up on a stool and lie back, listening to Nelson’s breathing calm and trying to slow my own to encourage him back to sleep. It’s like having the warmest soft toy in the world comforting me during my restless night. I lean my head back and close my eyes, serenaded by the soft snores of a baby boy.
14
PACE – LATE SEPTEMBER
Counting Chickens
To add to my DOMS from Monday night’s game, I wake with agony in my neck. I fell back to sleep with Nelson in the chair with my head crooked for hours.
It’s light out but there’s an orange, pink hue glowing around the edges of the blackout blind. My best guess is it’s sometime before seven. My moving stirs Nelson and when I look down to him, he’s smiling exactly like Annie does, a little lopsided, deep dimples.
It throws me back to last night and what in hell I’d been thinking when I ran my thumb over her mouth.
It was the candles. The talking. The laughing and joking, even the way she took care of me. I don’tneedtaking care of – I have an agent, a chef, a cleaner, more coaches, physical therapists and medical staff than I can count – but damn it was nice to be looked after by Annie.
Maybe it was hard to unwind after our chat about Auston and the overwhelming need I had to take care of her, too. To protect her and shield her fromhim, as she let it all out in the car.
