As Tanner reaches the end of the team’s guard, the cameras close in on him, so close it’s as if he’s staring right into my lounge. Then he holds up a gloved hand and winks right at Nelson and me as he waves.
I’m sure it’s a well-timed giggle but the sound Nelson makes reflects perfectly the flutters in my stomach and chest.
Last out of the tunnel, Lamar Taylor runs onto the field. Despite everyone wishing that Tommy Thieriot was out there, the crowd gets behind the quarterback for his first ever start in a Bears’ jersey.
I’m so giddy for kick off, I forget how awful these kid chips are and shove one in my mouth, right as the broadcast flips to another game – the St Louis Archers at Pittsburgh Pythons – and those teams run out.
I darn near choke on that anti-choke melty stick when Nelson’s daddy appears on the screen. In that way he’s always had the ability to do, he takes the air right out of my lungs. I’m winded. By his whiplash. By the fact he exists even though he hasn’t so much as messaged me about Nelson since the day our baby was born, or the six months before that when he knew I was pregnant.
I’m so busy forgetting how to breathe that it takes me a beat to register the chorus of boos coming from the Pythons’ home crowd.
“Auston Rogers is even receiving boos from the Archers fans who’ve travelled,” the broadcaster says.
“I’ve rarely seen anything like it,” another says. “Even his own team can’t get behind him and I’ve got to say, with everything that went down with Colton Quinn’s sister, it’s hard for anyone to support him, right?”
My body stiffens involuntarily. I’ll never get used to the fact my dirty laundry is being broadcast to millions. Mybaby’sbusiness, that he hasn’t chosento make public. Neither of us did.
“We’ve got to separate the game and the personal. We don’t know Quinn’s sister, or the circumstances. What matters to me is whether Rogers can get the Archers in a position to challenge for trophies this season.”
“Of course you don’t care about anything other than the game because you’ve got a dick between your legs,” I mutter, chin resting on Nelson’s head and my arms wrapped tightly around his chubby little waist. “You never repeat that word, baby, it’s nasty.”
But so is what his daddy has done to him.
I pick up the controller, about to turn over the channel, when the focus switches back to the Bears’ game. We have possession and our center snaps the ball back to Lamar to get our first drive of the game underway.
For the first set of downs, I fall into a familiar rabbit warren –how on earth am I supposed to explain to my baby one day that his daddy didn’t want us?
Iwill notcry. I draw my shoulders back and straighten my spine like I would sitting on my mare.
Screw Auston.Nelson and I arefine.
We’re even better when Tanner Pace runs the football right into the end zone for the first touchdown of the game.Go, Bears!
And they do go… on to win.
They defeat Tampa Bay by two points. It’s scrappy. After his first touchdown, Tanner spends most of the game blocking. Colton struggles to get free – a response by the defense to how well my brother ended last season and how great we know he can play at his best – but he does score a touchdown and gets over a hundred yards. The rest of the offense is hit and miss. The special teams deserve a lot of credit for the win. But the real worry is that Lamar throws multiple interceptions and the Bears are indebted to the defense.
Still, a win is a win.
6
PACE – MID-SEPTEMBER
Fine Eyes
It’s Annie’s first driving lesson with me today. We’ve been driving around the ranch in her dad’s rusty old truck that looks and rides like a sentimental heirloom.
She isn’t a confident driver and it’s hard to differentiate between the bumps in the uneven surface and her fighting with the clutch but put the girl in a straight line and she’s notthatbad.
Is she likely to kill someone? No.
Seriously injure someone? Well, there’s potential because…
“You need to check your mirrors from time to time,” I tell her.
“Why? So I can see the huge black rings under my eyes?”
“You have fine eyes, Annie Quinn.” I immediately search my mental cogs for a take-back button because my words and my tone of voice sound like the exact opposite of what I’m permitted to do here today. They sound like flirting. Unintentionally, for the record. But I know they hit home because Annie’s smooth cheeks flush red beneath her freckles, as I envisage her brother coming at me with a meat cleaver.
