“Kodi-”
“Whatever else happens, we’ll deal with it. Just like we did today.” I swallow. “We can spin the narrative. Instead of shifters not being dangerous, we can write off all of the destruction as us hunting down some that went rogue, and-”
“Kodi,” she interrupts, covering the back of my hand and squeezing gently. “It’s time to go home.”
I can barely hear anything above my thundering heartbeat. Eventually, I rasp out a broken, “But... we need more time.”
Twisting in my lap, I’m forced to see the sad look in her eyes, and it shatters any hope I have left. “If you really think the only thing keeping me here is a mark, we have bigger problems than either of us realized.”
“That’s not it, I just-” cursing under my breath, I run a hand through my hair in frustration. “While you were gone, all I could do was imagine the horrific things you were going through. Then as soon as we get you back, you want to sever the visible connection between us that proves I’m yours.” My voice comes out as a rough croak. “It’s brought a lot of old memories to the surface that I’ve tried my damndest to forget, but I’m struggling more than usual. So just… just be patient with me, okay? I’m not in a good headspace right now and having trouble dealing with this, but I promise I’m trying.”
Turning around completely, she straddles my lap with a deadly serious expression and captures my face between her hands. “I’m not self-sacrificing, Kodi. I’m here because I want to be, and I know that the best place for me is with you three, even if I hate being your Achilles’ heel. The only reason I had one foot out the door in the beginning is because I was trying to protect myself. Until you three, I was the only person I could ever trust. It’s why I held off on sex for longer than I’d have liked. I knew you guys wanted forever, and I wasn’t willing to cross that line until I was sure.”
Lightly kissing my lips, she carries on, “Was I pissed you guys kept that theory about Malcolm to yourselves? Abso-fucking-lutely. Was I going to leave you over it? No, because as much as I hate to admit it, I understand your reasoning in trying to fact check first so I wouldn’t freak out and carve a chunk out of my arm. But I expect complete honesty from here on out.”
She rests her forehead against mine with a soft sigh.“So you can’t see how amazing you are yet; that’s okay. Until you do, I can love you enough for both of us, because I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes close as a shudder snakes down my spine. I tighten my grip on her hips, holding her firmly on my lap and reminding me that she’shere.The sweet scent of elderberries and the crackle of energy like the air right before a thunderstorm brands itself on my lungs as I breathe her in, calming my racing heart. Amara doesn’t even have to lift a finger to leave devastation in her wake. She’s all-consuming, and I can’t fathom how she thinks removing her mark will change a damn thing. People can’t help but be drawn to her.
“In the spirit of honesty then, I should explain why I’m struggling with this so much.”
She pulls back slightly, furrowing her brow. “You don’t need to tell me now. Especially sober.”
“Seeing Stone like that today messed with my head too,” I admit quietly. “It brought up some shitty childhood memories anyway, so it’s okay.”
Adjusting her on my lap, I tuck her face into the side of my neck so I can rest my chin on top of her head. There’s no way I’ll be able to get through this story if I have to see her face.
“I was abandoned as a baby. They couldn’t even be bothered to drop me off by the door out of the rain; left me at the bottom of the steps of the village church in the middle of a bad storm. One of the nuns found me the next morning, soaked through. Apparently I’d given up on crying by that point, and they thought I was dead at first.”
She tenses in my arms. “Maybe your mom didn’t want to give you up, but was desperate. Hide you from her abusive husband or something.”
I kiss her hair with a sad smile. “I used to think that too, until I made the mistake of telling Sister Margaret. She destroyed that fantasy by admitting I was already around six months old when they took me in.”
“I’m so sorry, Kodi,” she whispers.
With a shrug, I admit, “I've lost count of how many theories I've come up with to try and make my peace with it, but in the end, it doesn't really matter, you know? Whether she didn’t want me anymore, or wanted to save me, I still ended up in Hell.”
Amara tenses, sensing how much worse it’s going to get from here and I hold her tighter, as much for her sake as mine.
“I’m sure you can imagine how well it went once I started coming into my abilities. Naturally, they assumed I was possessed by a demon. Which, I suppose, is technically true, but I obviously didn’t know it at the time. Fuck, nobody had any clue that shifters even existed. They stopped looking at me as a living, breathing child at that point, and started treating me like this unwantedthing.”
Blowing out a heavy breath, I plow on. “Beatings, starvation, and exorcisms; it was a vicious cycle. The more they tried to drive the ‘demon’ out of me, the more my dragon rose to the surface to try and protect me. Slitted pupils, black patches of scales, razor sharp teeth, and making the metal shake or fly around the room?” I huff out a humorless laugh. “I don't even blame them for being terrified, honestly. I was freaking the fuck out too, hating myself for being a monster, and it being my fault that nobody wanted anything to do with me.
“So I tried to learn how to control it so they’d think they had finally succeeded in ‘banishing the demon from my soul’ and I could just pretend to be normal. If I could control my abilities, then nobody had to know I was an abomination, and when I was old enough, I could escape that place and start over somewhere nobody would recognize me.”
Amara starts slowly stroking her thumb over the back of my hand but remains silent, giving me time to collect my thoughts.
“It took years, but I finally was able to keep every reaction on lockdown when they’d hit me. Eventually, the priest deemed me cured, and I was given more freedom, but the other kids that grew up in the church orphanage with me still avoided me like the plague. No one spoke to me or made eye contact, but I could still hear every cruel thing they said; the kidsandthe adults. As soon as I was able to, I tried to get a job, and the only one that was willing to take me on was a blacksmith, but even he barely tolerated me. I got all the grunt work and was barely paid, but still, it was a reprieve where he left me alone for the most part.”
A rustle to the left has me pulling a knife and half on my feet before I sink back down onto the log with a sigh of relief. “Hey, man, how’re you feeling?”
Stone attempts to run his fingers through his hair and grimaces at the matted blood. “Like shit.” Rummaging around in one of the bags, he pulls out a bottle of water and a comb. “But we’re not talking about me right now.”
Knowing he’s not going to let me get away with changing the subject, I sigh in defeat. “You might as well pick up where I left off since it’s where you come in anyway.”
Pouring water over the worst part of his hair, Stone takes a seat on the other side of the fire and starts in on the mess of filthy tangles. “I was passing through his village and stopped by the blacksmith’s to get new daggers.” The corner of his lips twitch with amusement. “You can imagine my surprise when I saw a scrawny kid in the back so focused on inspecting a sword his master had left out, he didn’t notice me standing there as he fixed the imperfections with a few waves of his hand.”
The tension starts to bleed out of my stiff muscles now that the worst is over and I chuckle. “Scared the shit out of me when I looked up and realized what I’d done.”
