ChapterOne
RAIDEN
Isurvived nine days of Hell on earth once. Not sleeping, fighting day and night until my muscles gave out, then still found a way to push myself harder, to be better. To be the leader my soldiers needed, a solitary pillar of unyielding strength and determination standing between a squadron of men and their graves.
And I lost them all anyway.
Thatpain I barely survived, and will carry the guilt for the rest of my days, yet it doesn’t hold a candle to the misery that has me in a chokehold.
Amara’s visceral reaction to my fucking stupidslip of the tongue will be forever burned into my mind. Every time I blink, I see the light dulling in her golden eyes as I obliterated her trust in me, her skin paling before she ran out of the room to throw up. Hear her trembling voice as she tried to consolemebefore shutting herself away in her room for the rest of the night, not even opening the door when Kodiak came tentatively knocking.
All I’ve ever wanted was a mate, and I’ve fucked up with her at every turn.
It’d be one thing if I was the only one suffering, but with that single accursed word, ‘darling’, I might have also cost Kodiak and Stone their one chance at happiness.
“I can fix this.” My haggard reflection stares back at me, not buying it for a second, but I have to believe it’s possible. If Amara leaves… I’m not sure any of us are strong enough to survive it. “Iwillfix this.”
Heading for her room, my steps falter at the sight of the tray of food Kodiak left outside her door last night, guilt twisting violently in my gut.
She’d been hungry before getting sick thanks to my stupid fucking mouth. Without something to settle her stomach, she's got to be feeling even worse this morning.She’s sufferingagain,but this time, it’s at my hands. After I promised to take care of her, asked her to take a chance on me.
No amount of apologizing will repair the damage I’ve done, but maybe groveling at her feet will slow her down enough when she tries to walk away, that my brothers have a chance to pack their bags before following her.
With a deep breath, I rap my knuckles against the door. “Amara?” A minute later I try again, then wait. And wait. And wait.
Of course she doesn’t want to see me.
But this will only get worse if we let it fester between us and turn into something more toxic that it already has, spreading to poison the entire legion. Heart in my throat, I sink to the ground, back against the door.
“I know I’m the last person you want to talk to right now, so all I ask is that you listen, okay?” Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I thump my head back. “Sorry doesn’t even begin to cut it, dragonfly. I fucked up; badly.” I rake a hand through the tangles in my loose mass of dark hair in agitation. “But Ineedyou to understand what you mean to me.
“You’re everything, Amara. Everything I didn’t even know I needed, and now can’t imagine living without. Last night threw a wrench in plans I’d already struggled to create in the first place. Add that bastard showing up, and on top of that, not having access to my abilities?” Shaking my head with a horrified shudder at the remnants of vulnerability still clinging to me like an oily, second skin, I sit a little straighter.
“I don’t blame you if you want to take a step back in our relationship, but please… don’t shut the others out. It’s not Stone or Kodiak’s fault, and they’re going out of their minds knowing you’re in there hurting and alone.”
Waiting for any sign of a response, I sit until my leg falls asleep, my ass not far behind.
Slow, deep breaths. Patience.
Grabbing the tray, I rise to my feet, wavering a bit as blood prickles painfully back into my numb leg. I knock, then again. More crickets, and I waver in my conviction. Finally, I squash all of my doubts and press my thumb to the scanner to allow me access into her sanctuary, gently pushing the door open.
“Amara,please.You don’t have to suffer in silence anymore. If you want to send me away, fine, but at least let me see that you’re okay after last night, or I can get one of the others if you’d prefer not to see me right now. Just let me know what you need so I can-” my voice cracks “- so I can fix this. I can’t stand knowing you’re hurting because of me.”
Stepping into the dark room, I set the tray of crackers, individual baggies of carrots and apple slices, and bottled water onto the foot of the massive bed. My brow furrows as I look at the unmade, empty bed. Turning to the bathroom door, I find it open, and the room dead silent. Heart stuttering before plummeting into my stomach like a rock, I step inside the bathroom, but there isn’t any steam in the air, the shower tiles dry, and the room is completely devoid of any trace of my mate.
No matter how I’ve been spiraling, afraid she’d decide to leave, I never imagined she’d slip away in the dead of night without a word.
My voice is a broken whisper. “But… she promised.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I’m sprinting out of the room and into Kodiak’s. My legion brother is draped sideways across his bed, head hanging over the side and looking so fucking dejected, it’s another stab to my already bleeding heart. I vault over his listless form to the laptop on his desk, flip it open, and let my fingers fly across the keyboard, barely breathing.
Kodi sits up and rolls across the bed to look over my shoulder. “What’s going on?”
“Did you get a security alert on your phone last night?”
I can feel his scowl on my back, but we’ve been brothers in arms long enough that he doesn’t interrogate my every word, snatching up his phone and bringing up the app. “Highlights.”
“Amara’s gone.”
