But lately, I’m just exhausted; so fucking exhausted of living like this. More often than not, I struggle to find a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other when every step seems to take me farther away from a life actually worth living.
“Excuse me, miss?” On the other side of the help desk I’m manning solo today, the metal-studded man in question half-heartedly lifts a book. “I know the other lady prefers we leave books on the carts instead of reshelving them ourselves so we don’t fuck up your system, but I feel like an asshole giving you more work. Pretty sure I can handle it if you don’t rat me out.”
Leaning forward with a soft smile, I take the book from him. “It’s fine, I’ve got it. This job is already so easy that I actually feel a little guilty for how much they’re paying me.”
My amusement tapers off into a frown as I stare down at the book before flicking my gaze back up to him. Nothing needs to be said; my suspicion and questions are written all over my face.
Shrugging a single shoulder, he tucks his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels. “I was curious what book was worth potentially breaking your neck to hold onto rather than dropping it so you could catch yourself.”
The pressure in my chest eases and I actually smile, the first I haven't had to force in ages. “And?”
He shakes his head, dark hair falling into his face that he doesn’t bother to push away. “Maybe worth a broken toe, but not a whole neck. Decent though. I didn’t hate it nearly as much as I thought I would after reading that cringey blurb.”
“Well, if you give me an idea of what you’re into, maybe I can offer some suggestions that’ll leave you thoroughly wrecked without the hassle of resetting bones.”
His lip twitches. “Dragons are pretty cool.”
Turning to my computer, I keep my expression carefully neutral. “Slaying them, or dragon rider quest sort of thing?”
That twitch turns into a full on smirk. “Definitely riding them.”
My stomach flips. “Romance alright, or are you after epic fantasy?”
He shrugs. “Surprise me.”
My fingers still on the keyboard as I stare at my screen.Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it.
Alas, I must. It’s too perfect of an opportunity to pass up.
“Be right back.”
Amara,my devil-suddenly-turned-chastity-belt warns as I leave to hunt down the book.I agree he looks like a fun night of bad decisions, but he’s a complication we can’t afford right now.
I know.Even my inner voice is a lamenting whisper.Just... what’s the point of all of this? Constantly running, fighting for every little thing? I escaped because I wanted a life, and the finish line keeps moving farther and farther away. I’m not going to sleep with him, but for the sake of what little is left of my sanity, let me pretend for five minutes. The only good things I’m able to afford in my life are daydreams. I can’t let him take those away from me, too.
As I grab the book and begin my return, my warring personality sighs in acceptance.Some new fantasies aren’t a bad idea since you’ve already used up all of your data this month on porn.
When I return, he’s leaning a hip against the front of the help desk, scrolling on his phone. As soon as he sees me approach, he tucks it away in his back pocket, giving me his full attention. Once I’m safely behind the desk, holding onto that barrier as an additional illusion of safety, I tuck my sleeve more firmly inside of my glove and pass him the book. Taking it from me with one hand, he uses the other to slide something across the counter to me, immediately withdrawing his hand.
“What’s this?”
He tucks the book I gave him under his arm. “Seemed only fair. You pick one for me, I pick one for you.”
Studying the cover closer, I snort in amusement. “Safety Tips for Dummies?” By the time I look up, he’s already halfway back to the booth he’s claimed as his, flipping to the first page without bothering to read the description on the back.
