“Yay, breakfast death instead of sleep, my favorite,” she mumbles, taking it from me and stealing a bite. Groaning, she shoves it back into my face. “Oh fuck, you have to try this.”
Some of it ends up in my nose, but I hardly care at this point. After several sleepless nights and then the police station bullshit yesterday, I don’t think I’ve ever been more exhausted in my entire life. By the time we got home, Damian, Slade, and Bo needed to shift, worked up after everything. And even though Sabrina kept trying to doze off against a tree, the three of them were relentlessly annoying. As soon as she tried to go inside, though, they lost their absolute shit and busted down the patio door, so the least I could do was suffer with her in moral support.
I’m magnanimous like that. Not at all conniving like she thinks my wolf’s bitchass is, and I hope to prove it to her sooner rather than later. It’s the only way I can get through to Reid, make that dumbass see sense. I don’t really want to shift either, but we all have to do shit we don’t want to in this life. I’m cool with killing people now, but I wasn’t in the beginning. Sabrina doesn’t want to deal with all of this drama, yet here we are; a handful of despised criminals tempting this embodiment of an angel that we’re worth putting in her mouth.
Fuck, I need a nap. My thoughts aren’t even making much sense anymore.
“That is fucking delicious,” I concede around a mouthful of muffin, still not lifting my head.
“Right?” Snagging it back, Sabrina finishes it off while we wait for Slade to show up to the impromptu meeting he called. “Talk about putting your money where your mouth is, Kaige. I stand corrected.”
Slipping a dollar out of her pocket, she passes it his way. I cock my head, finally looking up, yet out of the loop of whatever bet they had going on, and it’s another stab to the chest. Rather than get into it, I close my eyes and zone back out. I’m already struggling with the way she flat out refused to let me shift, trusting one of the alphas that came to fucking kidnap her more than me. I can’t help wondering if it’s some sort of punishment because of my twin, even if it’s subconscious on her part, but whatever the reason behind her objections, it’s seriously messing with my head. The lack of sleep isn’t helping matters either, though, and the last thing I want to do is put any more distance between me and my mate by saying something stupid when I know I’m not in a good place to bring any of it up yet.
Scooting closer, Sabrina uses my arm as a pillow, trailing off her conversation in favor of dozing. A violent lurching in my chest has me coughing, caught off guard, and I try not to jostle her awake as I get ahold of myself.
I’m a self-centered jackass. She came back; was going to even before the house was attacked. She’s not really pushing me away. If anything, she’s more open with her affection than before.
I both love and hate her for it. It’s been nearly twenty years since I gave a shit about what anyone else thought, and now here I am again, the pathetic fucking kid chasing after someone for a scrap of attention. Wondering what I’m doing wrong that keeps them from loving me, desperate for them to tell me that they’re proud, yet always coming up short no matter what I do. I hate how time hasn’t done shit to dampen the sudden toxic onslaught, but I hate myself even more for letting the weakness slip through the cracks to begin with; I thought that part of myself faded away decades ago.
When we traded places, I thought he’d laid down and died in that cage so I could take over his life for good.
Maybe while we’re busy slapping stickers on wounds and calling them bandages so that we can keep trudging forward, our other halves are quietly infecting us from the shadows, taking over while our guards are down.
Silently, I press the tip of my tongue to my incisor, counting to ten.No, he just flipped a switch instead of dealing with things and constantly blames our cursed blood for all ofhisproblems. Yet I can’t fault him trying to fight his way to the surface when Sabrina is on the line. She’s... everything.
No, she’smine, and he can’t have her. This is my family; I’m the one that’s put in all of the work to get us here, the one that made the hard choices that he couldn’t. I fought when he wouldn’t, and he doesn’t get to swoop in and steal the fruits of my labor.
As someone steps into the kitchen that doesn’t smell like my brother, I jerk upright, pissed off at myself for taking a trip down memory lane and wallowing in self-pity. There’s an obnoxious crinkling of plastic, and it takes a few blinks before I place the half-naked guy across the room.
Bellamy... Thatcher? My sister’s-
Oh. Ohfuck no.
He gives me this fuck-boy chin jerk as he hoists the case of bottled water onto his shoulder and leaves without a word. That bite of breakfast threatens to resurface as I gag, not wanting to picture why my sister’s harem has to rehydrate and we’ve barely seen them since they moved in.
It’s not too late. I still have time to shove her in the safe room in her closet, kill them all, and pretend that she’s a virgin until the day she dies. She could live out a happy life in there; I’ll send snacks and books through the air duct or something. Then she’ll remain the little girl that came to me when she skinned her knee and needed help braiding her hair forever.
Only Sabrina keeps me from losing my shit, tilting her head to blink up at me and biting her lip to hold in her laughter. “You okay?”
Clearing my throat, I take a few deep breaths to center myself before plastering on a smirk and grabbing her hand, moving it down to rest on my thigh. “Could be better, not gonna lie. You let me steal you away from this impromptu meeting so we can get some fucking sleep, I’ll show you how much I appreciate you being my buffer to get out of the punishment for ditching.”
She snorts. “You get me to a bed and away from any wolf drama for a while, I’ll rock your damn world. In like... twelve to fourteen hours. And after a shower.”
We both ignore Hunter’s growl; the guy has a stick shoved so far up his ass that it’s no wonder he’s always leaning against a wall scowling at somebody. Bo sits on the barstool on her other side while Kaige and Damian are locked in hushed conversation across the kitchen island that I can’t muster the energy to eavesdrop on, even knowing full well that I should. They’re threats, outsiders. But Sabrina dragged Damian into our band of merry men, so I have to at leasttryto keep the peace so I don’t cause her any more stress after the bullshit Reid pulled. Add in the pressure she’s under for work, the way her mates shift into hellish beasts, the constant threats the surrounding packs present, and her fathers that we’re going to visit so that they can kill us and auction her off to the highest bidder?
I’d be an asshole to give her a hard time about... anything, honestly. Especially over claiming Damian, though, because since Sabrina called dibs on the bastard, the other two interlopers have backed off showing any real interest in her out of respect for their friend, so I suppose I owe the guy a fruit basket or something.
Nah, I’m still going to put itching powder in his socks.
“Sorry, I got held up.” Slade strides into the room, sounding distracted.
His gaze immediately lands on Sabrina, softening before flaring in anger, and I don’t think anyone in this room is so stupid that they’d assume it’s directed at her. It’s at himself, because she looks completely burned out, and it’s abundantly clear that we’re not taking good care of her. He attempts to absorb the full weight of our failure, because as alpha, everyone is his responsibility, butespeciallyhis mate. Glancing over at Damian, I find him unable to meet her eyes, mentally beating himself up as he slowly clenches and unclenches his fist, so I suppose that answers that question.
We don’t have three alphas to share the burden of responsibilities, we have three people on the brink of collapse.
Each of them would prefer working themselves to death over asking us for help, their fear of being considered a burden to the people they care for too ingrained into their personalities. I’m not going to count Sabrina’s request yesterday as an exception since she asked for help learning how to handle shit in order to take better care of us and herself so that she wouldn’t bother us with her needs forever. I may hate being stuck on the outside looking in, but the position provides a pretty clear view.
Meeting my brother’s hostile glare without flinching, I roll my eyes, even though I’m as upset right now as he is. But better he’s pissed off at me than himself; then he’ll be able to think clearly instead of spiraling, and find a way to fix this mess. If he starts second guessing his choices, the pack will fall apart, and now that we have Emmy’s mates and Sabrina, we actually have a shot at reviving it. Wolves need the feeling of safety that comes with having a strong leader that they can depend on, one whose decisions they trust. I may not be good for a lot of things, but the one thing I actually thank the universe for in this miserable existence is that I wasn’t also saddled with being born at the top of the hierarchy.
