My head is swimming, but some of the agonizing pain has begun to dissipate.“Everyone keeps waiting for me to mess up, and I didn’t let them down.”
“You’ve done nothing of the sort.” He steps into the apartment, and for the first time all day, it doesn’t hurt to take a deep breath. “Did you attack Fredrickson when he cut his hand?”
“No.”
We enter the bathroom and he gently sets me on the counter. Palm skimming the underside of my leg, he works his way down to my ankle before gently probing. My eyes fly open with my hiss of pain just in time to see him frowning down at my purple ankle.
“Even hurt and overwhelmed, did you hurt anyone?” He grips the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head.
“No, but-”
“So how is that messing up?”
His eyes flit down to where he bit me, staring for several heavy seconds before he flicks open the button of my jeans, acting like I’m made of glass as he maneuvers them down my hips while gently lifting me up. When he’s down to my bad ankle, he concentrates hard enough that I remain silent, watching him lengthen a single claw to cut through the fabric so that he doesn’t have to pull it over my swollen flesh. The second they fall, his nail returns to normal with a satisfied smile, but it falls away as he looks up.
“Gah, stupid, not the time to be proud of pulling off a partial.”
A dull ache forms in my chest that wasn’t there before.“Itwaspretty impressive.”
His eyes widen. “Fuck. Give me a sec; I’ll get a better hold on my mental block.”
Rather than stop him, I give him that time, since I need a minute to acclimate, too. With a trembling hand, I skim my fingertips over the indents in my shoulder from his teeth, tracing the crescent outline. I freeze when I touch something damp, scared to go any further to inspect the damage. Looking at Kasen instead, my stomach flips when I see all of the blood on the collar of his once pale blue shirt, smeared over his neck.
As if he can sense my train of thought, he reaches behind him to grip his shirt before pulling it over his head, using the wadded up fabric like a rag to hastily wipe off his skin. Tossing it in the corner of the bathroom, his jeans follow next, leaving him in his boxers. His eyes darken as he takes in my ravaged throat, at odds with the gentle way he captures my wrist and guides it away.
Keeping his movements slow and predictable, he grabs a washcloth and sets it on my lap before lifting me up, walking to the bathtub and climbing inside with me. Adjusting our position so that I’m settled on his lap, he frees up one hand to turn on the faucet, but doesn’t set the drain plug yet. Once the water’s warm, he holds the washcloth beneath it until it’s soaked, using a single hand to wring it over my neck.
Pink water trails down my chest, my underwear drenched by the third round. I sit silently as he carefully tilts my head to the side to reach the highest wounds, staring down at the tinted water swirling down the drain, the color growing fainter as the minutes tick by. Only after it’s clear does he set the plug, letting the water fill the tub.
“We’ll have to wrap and ice your ankle as soon as we get out, but I think you need a few minutes to soak in your happy spot first,” he says softly.
Reclining against him, I close my eyes, doing just that. My insides feel battered and bruised, I have a splitting headache, and my eyes are swollen from crying, but I canbreathe.The only scents are that of the familiar soaps sitting beside the tub, the fabric softener on the fresh towels across the room on the shelf, and Kasen. Even when I extend my senses, all I get are traces of Beck and Malcolm throughout the apartment. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have the mental space to hold a sensory block in place; not when I’m home.
“It’s messing up, because they’ve been waiting for me to crack and show that it was all just an act, that there’s no way vampires can be anything more than psychotic monsters. I didn’t even make it a week before proving them right.”
Banding an arm across my chest, Kasen strokes his thumb over his mark on my shoulder as I clutch his arm like it’s the only thing keeping me from sinking beneath the water. “If anything, you proved them wrong.”
Eyes popping open, I scrunch my face up in confusion. “Wha-” I break off with a grimace. The word feels like broken glass being dragged through my throat.“What are you talking about?”
At the sound of my voice, his other palm settles on my stomach, pinning me against him. “They saw you being undeniably human. One every shifter and mage in this building can relate to.” Resting his chin on the top of my head, he sighs. “This world is many things, but kind isn’t one of them. Sure, it’s better out here than back home, but it’s not perfect either. It’s hard being us sometimes, too.”
Not sure how to respond, I settle for leaning on him, both literally and figuratively. We stare out of the glass wall into the bright afternoon sunlight in amicable silence as I try to wrap my head around everything. After this past year, I despised being forced to hide in the shadows, scared of the dark because I now know exactly what sort of things are hiding in it; people like me. But now, I simply stare at the sun making the ocean positively blinding and can’t help but think it’s mocking me. I wanted people to see that despite everything, I was still me. But the second I had their undivided attention to prove it, it became clear that I’m... not.
I may not be a monster, but a part of me died that day that I’m never going to get back. Nothing’s going to go back to normal if I just try harder, and the only thing I’m doing by pretending that it ever can is killing the last piece of myself that I managed to actually hold on to.
“Can you... can you try saying something? Like this, I mean.”
He hesitates for a fraction of a second before saying,“Thank you for trusting me enough to let me help you. I’ll work on my mental block so that I don’t startle you in the future, but, Scarlett?”I squeeze his arm in encouragement in lieu of answering.“You know that not only is it impossible for me to control you, but even if Icould,I’d never do that to you, right? Worst thing that can happen from a pack link is someone speaking when you aren’t expecting it, but that’s the same thing as if you were sleeping and someone in the living room shouted at a game and scared you awake. Well, or catching some stray thoughts you’d rather not have heard.”
Wetting my lips, I mull it over before admitting,“I think I built this up too much in my head because I was scared. But it really is like Beck said; similar to wearing a headset. You don’t need to kill yourself trying to solidify your mental shields, but I really would appreciate if you didn’t try to surprise me. I can already picture Beck shouting ‘Boo!’ and trying to jump scare me at Halloween, and I will legitimately punch the nearest person and not talk to anyone for a week.”
“Deal,” he agrees quickly. “And I’ll forewarn Beck, but let me selfishly suggest you take some time acclimating with just the two of us for a while before giving him the go ahead.”
A genuine smile twists my lips.“I can get behind that idea.”
With one more squeeze, he reaches forward to unplug the drain. “Come on, let’s dry off and I’ll wrap your ankle.”
As he stands up and pivots me for a better hold, I wrap my arms around his neck to free up one of his hands so he can climb out without us wiping out. Grabbing a stack of towels, he gently eases me to stand on my good leg and helps me out of my drenched underwear before wrapping me in a towel. Setting me back to sit on the counter, he strips off his boxers and wraps a towel around his waist, tossing a couple on the puddles on the floor.
