Need to be careful with this one. Where the others go out of their way to assure me they’re safe, this one screams trouble and poor decisions.
“Scarlett Anderson.”
He beams with the declaration, and I falter momentarily at his enthusiasm, reminding myself that we were raised very differently. He soaks up my name like it’s a gift, gaze roving over me like he’s memorizing my features. It’s a far cry from the men that only learned it long enough to grunt it with their release before moving onto the next thing that caught their eye, and still a hell of an adjustment for me to be the center of so much genuine attention. Beckett looks at me like there’s no one else in the world worth seeing and it makes me feel as trapped beneath a microscope as I do with Malcolm.
My uncomfortable squirming ceases as I turn my attention to Kasen, his presence dosing me in ice water. “What did I do to make you think you had to lie to me?”
He’s before me in an instant, cupping my cheek with a stricken expression. “Oh, sweetheart, that’s not it at all. I just,” he trails off, looking distraught.
“You thought I wouldn’t want you,” I whisper, voice seeming to echo around the penthouse, and every ping hurts me more than the last.
Cringing, he nods, and my heart squeezes for him, but so much heartache could have been avoided if he’d just spoken up, and the bravado that I’d only begun to gather starts to crumble. The longer that I stay trapped in my head, alone with my thoughts, the more it hurts; everything from the last few days playing on repeat. Realizing that I’m on the cusp of drowning if I let myself continue, I scramble for a life raft, turning to Malcolm with a pleading look.
“I don’t know how to fix this.”
With an ungodly amount of patience he walks up to me, palming the back of my neck and batting Kasen’s hand away so he has my full attention. “My love, there’s no fixing anything. You either accept them or you don’t, but it’s not your job to manage their feelings on the matter.” Scowling, he throws another barb at them over his shoulder with, “They certainly weren’t trying to protect yours by bombarding you like this.”
Flicking my gaze back to Kasen’s face, pinched with pain and looking as lost and desperate as I feel, I lick my lips. Rather than comforting, Malcolm’s words only serve to make me more uneasy, though they do help snap me out of my wallowing. I’m not the only one that was hurt by how things played out. I was practically mashing their faces together like a couple of dolls, and they rolled with it rather than risk freaking me out, giving me time to adjust and the tools to manage my sensory overload.
Kasen chose to suffer in silence because he was more concerned with keeping me safe and happy than he was with chasing after his own desires. I may not be in charge of how these two respond to my decision, but Iamresponsible for how I react to their claims. Looking between Beckett and Kasen, they stare at me like I’m everything, when I feel more like a dollar store edition of a coveted toy.
Malcolm wraps an arm around my waist, pivoting me away from both of them to face only him, the wall of windows at his back. “You are so worried about everyone else that you’re neglecting yourself. Forget them for a moment, love. Hell, forget about me! What doyouwant?”
Closing my eyes, I rest my cheek on his chest, absorbing his scent and inhaling deeply. With each breath, I don’t feel like I’m falling apart, I feel like I’m being put back together. I nearly burst into tears with how unsettling it is to be that dependent on anyone, let alone three people. It’s as terrifying as it is thrilling, but so was cementing my bond with Malcolm, and he’s quickly become an unshakable pillar of support in my life. With as uncertain as my future is... I could use a little more of that; a solid foundation and a sense of belonging.
Tipping my chin up, his lips brush against mine as he quietly follows along with my emotional processing through the bond. “Do you want me to send them away?”
Bristling with the suggestion, I blurt, “No!”
He gives me a half smile, kissing me once more. “Can I at least smack them around a little? I know I’m supposed to be supportive in all things, but I’m pretty pissed off at Kasen for acting like a jackass after I went out on a limb and vouched for him.”
As ridiculous as it is, I burst into laughter, his declaration enough to uncoil some of the tension in my chest. “Maybe order something for dinner instead? This discussion is going to take a while if I had to wager, and I think a distraction might help get us all through it without anyone losing an eye.”
***
Seated around the smallkitchen table, I pop a french fry in my mouth, curbing the cravings that being surrounded by these three brings. To my right, Kasen hasn’t eaten a bite, merely poking at his food and shooting frequent glances my way. Once the worst of the impulses ebb to where I don’t feel at risk of pouncing on one of them, it’s easier to think clearly and I grab a napkin, confident that I can tackle this head on now that I’ve psyched myself up for the last half hour.
“I get it. I don’t like it, but I do understand.” Kasen’s head whips to mine, neglected food completely forgotten to give me his full attention. Swallowing in the face of such direct, optimistic scrutiny, I relent, “I can't one hundred percent say that I would have reacted well to the news before I got the chance to know you.”
“And now?” he asks in a whisper, like he’s afraid to hear the answer.
I pointedly ignored the heat creeping into my cheeks. “I think I made it fairly clear on the beach that I was interested. Pretty much threw the door wide open for you to start this discussion, and you slammed it in my face instead.”
As if he can’t help himself, he reaches for me, grabbing my hand and running his thumb over the back. “I was two seconds away from sinking my teeth into your shoulder and coming in my jeans like a horny teenager; there was no way I was stringing enough logical words together to make a damn sentence, let alone a conversation. I was ashamed of my lack of control and the only thing I could think about was protecting you from me. I know full well that I fucked up, but,” he hesitates before admitting, “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
A dangerous sound escapes Malcolm that surprises me, not realizing his patience was that close to its end. “You fucking-”
Throwing his hands up in surrender, Kasen explains in a rush, “I would rather live with hurting her feelings than have her looking at me like I was no better than the monster that ripped away her humanity.”
My mouth parts in surprise before pressing into a firm line.He’s right. If he’d claimed me in the heat of the moment, he’d have bound me to him for the rest of our lives. My life was already torn apart by a bite once; how would this have been any different? No matter how I felt about Kasen at the time, when the lust wore off and I realized what he did, ripping the choice out of my hands?
“I’d have hated you for it,” I admit quietly. “You’re right. That would’ve been a real dick move expecting me to just deal with it when there’s no supernatural divorce option. I don’t have to like it, but you made the right call.”
His eyes are blazing at this point, shining with remorse, “That's why I brought Beck; I was coming to explain everything and apologize.”
Confused, I look across the table at the man in question. “You knew he was my mate too? What the hell, why am I always the last to know? Are you guys holding anyone else out on me that I should be aware of?”
Beckett pauses eating to beam at my declaration that he’s my mate while Kasen clarifies, “No, I was trying to show you that I was all in.”
