Chapter 25
Risa
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“There you go,” Zanepraises as I brace my hands on my knees, sweat dripping onto the mat beneath us.
The furniture in the living room is pushed against the walls as the four of us finish up our daily workout. While the exercise is a small part of it, the real point is running though countless self-defense maneuvers, always planning for the worst. While Zane may have convinced himself that his enhanced strength dubbed him the protector of his remaining family to the point of crazy obsession, he’s paranoid enough not to coddle any of us into becoming even easier targets.
Not like he lets any of us out of the underground bunker, but if the tragedy in all of our lives has taught us anything, it’s that the best laid plans go awry. You can never account for every variable, so I have to give him at least a little credit for trying. He’s fucking nuts, and has no problem convincing himself that knocking my ass out if I try to leave is the right thing to do with his twisted logic, but he doesn’t lord his power like a threat.
He’s stronger than all of us combined and it terrifies him, because there are much bigger monsters out there than him.
“Dibs on the first shower,” I pant, exhausted.
Addie and Hunter collapse on the mat, trying to catch their breath. Their clothes stick to their skin nearly as badly as mine, but they don’t fight me for bathing rights, happy to not have to move for a little while.
“You’re getting faster,” Zane compliments, beaming. “Would’ve broken my nose if I’d hesitated.”
Legs like jelly, I walk past him towards the bedroom hallway. “Who knows, maybe another few weeks and I can join you on a supply run.”
I know the hope is dead on arrival, but I still toss it out there simply for the sake of preserving the illusion. Hunter and Addie have made their peace with this being their life; after the things Hunter went through, all while managing to keep a toddler alive while being a kid himself, I can’t fault him for choosing to hide. But I’m not going to spend the rest of my days letting my soul wither away as I cower away down here. There’s being safe, and then there’s waiting around to die.
“Risa,” he starts, a warning edge to his voice.
Sighing, I shake my head. “I know, forget I said anything. It’s just been a hell of an adjustment over the last three weeks.”
Without looking back, I lock myself in the bathroom. It wouldn’t hold up against him if he chose to storm in here, but he has no reason to. Hewantsme locked away down here; it doesn’t matter which room that’s in.
I thought that I was suffocating when I lived with Blake, but it’s nothing compared to now. While the company is better, the result is worse. Zane has the best of intentions, goes above and beyond to make sure the three of us know how to protect ourselves, and brings back gifts for the kids to keep them occupied and happy. But this time, I find myself in the position where I don’t hate looking at myself in the mirror anymore. I hatehimenough that it’s spreading through my body like a poison, eating away at the little humanity I’d managed to hold on to after being bitten.
Stripping off my sweaty clothes, I pull the shower curtain back, the star and moon pattern mocking me. Keeping the temperature lukewarm to save some hot water for the others, I close my eyes, soaking up the brief peace. Mentally, I count down in my head, and when I feel a small fluttering in my chest, I choke on a sob.
This. This is all that’s keeping me going when everything feels so damn impossible. Over the next few minutes, the bond strengthens, and the rush of the guys’ relief presses down on me like it’s my own. It’s followed by the familiar blip of fear before they squash that back down, morphing into the usual angry determination. It’s got to be killing them imagining every worst-case scenario in the book, unable to find me, so I give them the only thing I’m able to right now; a sense of calm, trying to let them know that I’m okay. I’m alive. And I know they’re coming for me.
Like clockwork, every night at dinner Zane gives me another shot. It suppresses the sire bond, which is apparently why it took him so long to grab me in Kingstyn. As soon as he realized my connection to the guys, he knew that they’d just track me down, compromising the safe house, so he needed to get set up with a stockpile before making a move. Most shifters only turn their mates, but there are enough exceptions that it’s a common drug for people waiting down the clock for the bond to wear off naturally after a decade.
But I’ve spent my entire life building up a tolerance to drugs.
This past week, it’s been wearing off a little sooner every day, giving them a few, brief moments to figure out what direction to head. Those seconds have since turned into several minutes, enough that after this many days, they’ll have a good idea of where to go until the next day when they correct their course, getting closer. Today, though?
Dinner’s not for an hour.
Finishing up, I drag my feet as I dry and dress, not ready to go back out there. Running a brush through my hair, I stare into the mirror above the small sink, blinking back the tears making my violet eyes swim in my reflection. I don’t have long with them, and I don’t want to waste it being sad.
I might not be able to talk to them, but this is enough for now, just knowing that I’m not in this alone. It has to be enough, because I have nothing else, not even hope. I have the three of them, and I don’t pray that they’ll come for me.
I know they will.
