Hesitantly, he watches my face as he reaches forward, like he thinks I’m going to take a step back. When I don’t, he presses three fingers into the same place that Bane did. “Stories make it seem like we’re two beings inhabiting the same body, fighting for control. It’s true to a degree, but there’s no voice in the back of our heads; just a sort of tight anxiety that lives right here. Each form feels like something’s missing, so we never really feel completely whole.”
His attention becomes focused on his fingers pressing into my flesh as he gets lost in thought. “When I’m...me, I get overwhelmed by the sensations and sometimes need to let go, spend time in my other form where there’s less existential dread, and I’m more connected to nature. Things don’t seem so bad like that, when all of the social constructs and expectations of society don’t apply. I’m able to simply exist.
“Yet as a viper, I’m still not right. I have too much awareness, and not a soul to talk to, so I’m completely isolated within my head. Phantom itches that can’t be scratched, but knowing Ishouldhave the ability to do so, yet can’t.” His face tightens. “The identity crisis that comes from not fully fitting in anywhere, not knowing who you actually are anymore or what’s real-”
“Mason.” Bane’s voice is firm, snapping Mason out of his spiral. “You’re going to freak her out and make it ten times harder on her if you don’t shut the hell up.”
Blinking several times, Mason looks up at me, quickly withdrawing his hand and taking a step back. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I-“ he rakes a hand through his dark hair, looking wrecked. “I’m going to call it a night.”
With that, he heads back alone. Between the darkness and his long strides, it doesn’t take long for him to disappear into the trees, leaving an awkward silence in his wake. I’m left turning to Stryker and Bane, confused they’re still standing there.
“Aren’t you going to go after him? Make sure he’s okay?” I ask neither of them in particular.
“Sometimes he just needs to be alone, angel,” Stryker says, and while I know that’s a fact for some people, it’s not sitting right with me.
Bane’s face is tight with disapproval. “He needs a chance to get his head on straight. He’s getting his priorities mixed up; stuck down memory lane instead of realizing that you’re right here in front of him, needing our help.”
My mind keeps replaying that broken look on Mason’s face as he thought that he was sabotaging me, even though that couldn’t be farther from the truth. And each time, I’m more confident that they’re wrong, even though I have nothing to base it on. I’d rather know exactly what I’m walking into so that I’m not caught off guard when I’m forced to deal with the side effects he was talking about, thinking another thing was wrong with me when I did finally shift. Bane and Stryker make it sound so easy, like I simply need to get out of my own way and let things happen, but it’s not that easy.
Iwantto shift, if only to keep them from being so disappointed in me that they send me back because I’m defective.
“Just because I need help, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need it, too,” I state quietly, forcing myself to look directly at them despite my heart thundering with anxiety.
I don’t know what’ll happen if I piss them off, but I’m not going to finally have a second chance at life and end up in the same position I was in before. And if they’re the sort of people that will constantly be writing me off, simply placating me to keep me in check, I’d rather find out now. I’d like to imagine that they’re better people than that, but I barely know them. What I am sure of? There’s no better way to see a person’s true colors than when they’re stressed, or you tick them off.
“I’m not here to force anyone out. What kind of bitch would I be if I showed up and shoved someone out of the picture, especially in their own home? Yeah, I’m kind of high maintenance right now with all of the unknowns, and need some time to find my footing, but that doesn’t mean I’m more of a priority than any of you are. I don’t-“ I fist the fabric of my shorts, subtly drying my sweaty palms, hating confrontation with every fiber of my being. “I don’t want to be that kind of person; self-absorbed with an inflated sense of entitlement. How am I supposed to trust you guys if you’re willing to pick some chick you just met over your friend that’s clearly having a hard time?”
Before I can talk myself out of it, I turn away from their stunned faces, and start running. It’s like a physical stab in my gut leaving them like that, the bond fucking with my head. I can’t stay, leaving things as they are with Mason, but it’s hard to go, not knowing what I’m going to come back to when I face the other two again.
Bane and Stryker curse behind me and I sprint harder, dirt caking my bare feet uncomfortably. Despite my enhanced senses, it’s hard to see in the darkness, sharp twigs snapping beneath my feet and rocks slicing into my flesh. Focusing on the writhing pit of snakes in my chest, I follow the pull to guide my path, suddenly slamming into Mason’s chest as I round a bend.
“The hell are you doing?” he demands. Eyes narrowed, he glares down at me, but clearly still chose to wait when he sensed me chasing him. His pupils shrink to slits as his nostrils flare, similar to what happened to Stryker right before he shifted. “You’re bleeding.”
Ignoring him, I narrow my eyes right back, though the effect is ruined by my ragged breaths. “I asked you for help back there because I knew you’d skip the sales pitch and be honest. Despite them trying to make it out to be some great thing, I know this whole situation isn’t sunshine and rainbows. I’d rather be aware of the hard facts going in so that I can prepare instead of being blindsided in the heat of the moment. Or worse, think that I’m even more defective than we already know and too scared to ask.”
A low growl rumbles from his chest as he repeats, “You’re bleeding.”
Furrowing my brow, I shrug. “I’ll live. Super healing, remember? Not like I lost a leg, here, I’ll be fine in a day or two.”
Tightening the arm around my back to pull me closer, he lifts a hand to palm the side of my face, stormy expression unreadable. “I got carried away, and I’m sorry. I didn’t have the same support system that you do when I was turned, and it fucked me up. But just because I struggle, doesn’t mean you’re going to, so it isn’t like I was giving you any useful facts to prepare you. I’m hardly an expert. You won’t be alone like I was; you have us. So you’re going to be fine, I promise.”
The heat from his hands sears my skin, my breathing leveling out only to hitch in my chest. “Mason.” When he moves in like he might kiss me, I tap his chest rapidly, trying to get his attention without caving into my rising panic. “Mason!”
Over his shoulder, a stone’s throw away between the trees, a set of amber eyes catch the moonlight. A low growl emanates from the grey wolf, lips curled back in a snarl. Mason stiffens, cursing himself for being too distracted and caught up in his head to notice it approaching.
“I need you to shout for the others, okay?” Mason says softly, tracking the small step forward the wolf takes, testing the waters.
My voice lodges in my throat, knowing instinctively that the moment I break the spell of tense silence, it’ll attack. Whether that’s by screaming or trying to make a run for it, despite being the one to initiate a challenge, the wolf will wait until someone signals the game’s begun.
“Risa,” Mason whispers sharply. “Just do it. They’re trying to give us some privacy, and I’m not sure how far off they are. They’re more attuned to you than me, and more likely to pick up on your distress, even if out of hearing range. It’ll be alright, I swear, but you need to work with me."
His promise doesn’t ring false, and I latch on to his confidence like a lifeline. Licking my dry lips, I raise my voice a bit. “Guys?” The wolf takes a step forward, Mason matching it by taking one in front of me, pushing me behind him. I try a little louder, still finding it hard to draw a deep breath. “Guys!?”
“Do you remember the way back to the house?” he asks, and I shake my head in denial, already knowing what a stupid plan he’s come up with.
“I’m not going to make a break for it and leave you here to be mauled,” I protest.
“Have a little more faith in me than that, beautiful. It’s just easier to fight if I don’t need to worry about you getting caught in the crossfire.” The wolf slowly starts stalking closer, and Mason reaches a hand behind him, urging me back another step.
