“How are you adjusting, Elysium?” he finally asks after a short stint of awkward silence.
Swallowing, I contemplate the best answer, but figure honesty will get us to the point much quicker than lies. “Well, sir. I’ve never lived in a place as nice as this and appreciate it more than I can say.”
He takes another bite, drawing the conversation out as my eyes unconsciously flick over to the man in the corner and back swiftly. “And the others? I trust they’re making you feel welcome? If there have been any issues, I’d appreciate you telling me now so that we may address them before anything escalates.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I try to keep from giving myself away, but by the glint in his eye, I think he already knows. “Everyone’s been very kind and welcoming. It’s a nice change of pace not having to tiptoe around people and actually enjoy the company.”
He hums, dabbing his face with a napkin and rests his elbows on the desk, steepling his fingers. “Even Grave? Lord knows that boy is a loose cannon on the best of days. The other men here find themselves needing to ‘tiptoe around his moods’, as you so eloquently put it. You’re not finding yourself in the same position? Worrying if the moment he gets bored, he’ll bury a knife in your back?”
I swallow, grateful we’re giving up the pretense of eating as my stomach begins to churn, not sure what he’s trying to get at. “Not particularly. I think he just enjoys having someone to talk to that doesn’t already expect the worst of him.”
I bite my tongue a second later, but can’t call the words back. Or more alarmingly, the acidic tone that started to creep into my voice as I said them.
Julian grins, his light blue eyes as hard as ice. “There it is. Knew there was a bit of fire hiding behind that timid, innocent façade.” He folds his arms behind his head, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smirk. “You like him.” It’s not a question, and there’s no use denying it.
“I do. Not sure if he feels the same, though. He’s a… hard man to get a read on.”
The man in the corner snorts in amusement, but promptly goes back to trying to remain invisible.
“That he is,” Julian agrees easily. “He’s been with me longer than any of them, so trust me when I say that if he didn’t, he never would have brought you here.” His mouth tightens into a flat line, and some of his humor drains away. “Which adds yet another new set of problems for me. He defied my orders once for your sake before he even knew you, so what’s to stop that from happening again now that he does, hmm?”
I freeze, not sure what he wants me to say, so I keep my mouth clamped safely shut rather than dig my grave any deeper. His palms abruptly smack the desk and I jump, years of abuse training my muscles to expect a blow. Attempting to conceal my reaction, I tuck my hands under my thighs to hide the way they’ve started to tremble.
“And Everett; I need to be able to trust that he has his head in the game. It seems you’re becoming a bit of a distraction, Elysium,” he declares, and my heart starts hammering heavily in my chest.
“I’m sorry, sir,” I whisper before clearing my throat. “Maybe I can get a crash course on training this weekend so I can start working? If I’m out there on jobs with them, whatever those may be, their focus would likely be on finishing them quickly and without things escalating so I don’t get hurt in the crossfire.”
Julian pauses, narrowing his eyes and my heart lodges in my throat. “You’re not going to deny anything? Assure me you’ll steer clear of them from now on?”
Licking my dry lips, I take a leap of faith and shake my head once. “We haven’t done anything. If you think they’re distracted by me when I haven’t even kissed anyone, I doubt that will change if I start giving them the cold shoulder. We live together, eat together, so we’ll be running into each other constantly and they’ll just be more curious as to why I’m suddenly avoiding them. So unless you feel it’s necessary to terminate our agreement and kick me out, it’s the only thing I can think of that would immediately get their focus back on work.”
He strums his fingers on the wood, stretching out the silence until I can’t tell how he’s going to react. “And who do you mean to get involved with? That will have fallout as well, I imagine.”
Struggling to find my voice, I exhale slowly. “I’m not under any illusions, sir. There is no happily ever after for me. After five years of working for you, I’ll have seen too much for you to simply let me walk away without some sort of contingency plan in place. Likely another reason will crop up eventually to extend my debt and time here.”
Another slow breath as I meet his curious stare, and I start to feel a bit more confident as I face reality. “No getting married or moving away somewhere to start over; I’ve come to terms with that over the last few weeks. Still, I don’t regret my decision. I’d only last so long on the streets on my own, especially with as furious as my father must be when he thinks you screwed him over by accepting me as payment and then still seizing the farm.”
Slipping my hands out from beneath my thighs, I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. “This life is permanent, but nothing that takes place inside of these walls is guaranteed to be. I assume the chances of someone getting killed on a job are pretty decent. So I’m only looking at things one day at a time, because I doubt anything real can come from our situation. They’ll grow bored when the next shiny, new toy appears.” The words taste sour, but by the slight relaxing of his shoulders, I know they were wise to throw in, even if I don’t fully believe them.
I meet his cold glare, waiting for the moment that the other shoe finally drops and he kicks me out. But maybe that’ll be better before I actually see anything, when it’s possible he’ll actually let me go if it means getting rid of me before I become a thorn in his side. I’ll still need to find some way to pay him back I’m sure, all without starving to death; I just haven’t the faintest idea on how I could accomplish that, but one thing at a time.
He rises to his feet, grabbing both of our plates and setting them on a cart off to the side. He then flips his laptop closed, placing it on the shelf behind him. All the while I watch in nervous silence, waiting for him to come to a decision.
“Lie down, please.” He gestures to the now cleared off desk and I hesitate, not liking the direction this is going. He rolls his eyes and beckons the man in the corner over, only adding to my fears. “Elysium, this is Dr. Beckett.”
Still, I don’t move, not sure what’s happening. Dr. Beckett doesn’t stretch out a hand in greeting, instead holding a few tools in his gloved hands and gesturing for me to hop up.
“I’ll be supplying you with a contraceptive implant in your arm,” he declares, brokering no room for discussion.
I glance at Julian, though I’m not sure what it is I’m waiting for, since no one asked for my opinion in the first place. This is happening, whether I like it or not, and my stomach flips. It’s a good idea, and I never would be able to afford it without him arranging it, but the whole way it came about leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Though I clearly can’t even take care of myself and the last thing I want is to get pregnant, it’s more the matter that he doesn’t see me as a person.
I’m an investment, a piece of his property to do with as he pleases, and I practically begged him to be my keeper. My earlier upset at my fading bruises makes a reappearance as I start to understand what had me so off kilter today.
Julian King has the power to change my reality, erase my past, and create a future that suits his best interest. I knew what I was signing up for that first day, and would do so again in a heartbeat rather than starve to death on the streets, but I don’t have to like it.
Things we’re starting to become comfortable and I could even argue I’ve been genuinely happy these past few weeks. Yet my subconscious was aware the second I woke up that it could never last, that I don’t deserve that much.
As my father constantly reminded me over the years, a sinner doesn’t deserve to find peace. He beat the lesson into my flesh, reminding me of what a greedy bitch I really am, always wanting more.
