Turning to face him, I just sigh. “I did, but I’m sure you’re well aware how many pompous assholes are out there, inflating their egos by lording their abilities over us so that they can pretend to have a semblance of control in this shitty world. It usually turned into brief stints to get some money before having to walk away. Though I’m in the position I should be grateful for whatever work I can get my hands on, I’m cursed.”
His face scrunches up. “What do you mean?”
A rueful smile pulls at the corner of my lips. “I respect myself too much to ignore all of the abuse and get treated like shit for the sake of a burger. Being desperate shouldn’t mean that people can be as cruel as they want while I’m forced to grin and bear it because I need to eat. I’d rather take my chances in the cold and be hungry than play their games.”
The heat is running full blast now, and Ian shifts gears, pulling away from the curb. “Just because they refuse to acknowledge your value, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I’m proud of you for holding tight to that, even though I know how much it cost you to do so. Jealous actually, if we’re being honest. I’m a sucker for validation despite hiding it behind sarcastic quips.”
Inspecting him slyly from the corner of my eye, I study his face while his attention is focused on the road. “Easier to keep people from looking too closely if they think you have your shit together,” I agree.
His face turns wistful, getting lost in his own head. “Don’t want to bother them by complaining when there isn’t actually anything wrong, or you get sneered at for seeking attention. Can’t be depressed all of the time, or people get sick of hanging around you. Just easier to project enough self-confidence to choke a billionaire.”
My face softens and I sink further into my seat, getting comfortable and offering him the only thing that I’m able to. “Oh good, you get me. Now I don’t have to hide what a hot mess I am around the house; you did this to yourself, really. Buckle up for some emotional whiplash, buddy, because you’ve got yourself a manic depressive, temporary roommate.”
Seven
Ian
“Looks like you’ve got yourself a mate, dumbass. She hot?”My heart stops with Gavin’s words and I zone out for a minute, trying to absorb the statement while he just keeps speaking, yet I don’t hear a word of it after that.
“If she was my mate, I would’ve known right away though... right?” I drop my voice, walking out the backdoor of the house so that I don’t wake up Esmerelda with the call.
“Hate to tell ya, man, but your magic’s smarter than you. If you’re not lying about struggling to keep it in check without doing any massive leveling up lately, that’s a surefire sign. It’s reacting to hers, trying to get out to mark her and merge your energies. Add in the way you didn’t get knocked out by that blast of hers, and I don’t know how you didn’t realize it yourself. What other reason is there for you to be impervious to her attack like that? Even subconsciously, she didn’t want to hurt you, and her abilities made sure of it. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has that level of control to send a shockwave through a person and have them be unaffected.”
My hands feel clammy as my heart restarts with a vengeance, racing with panic. “I can barely keep groceries in the house, G. There’s no time for a second job, and there’s no way Gretel can swing giving me a raise at the bakery, and-“
“Chill the heck out, Ian. You’re acting like you just found out you got your girlfriend pregnant; breathe. You told me you’d already asked her to stay with you, so you had to know on some level. And you weren’t worried about money then, so what’s the difference now?”
“Because I’m freaking out, okay!?” Running my fingers through my hair, I clench my fist, trying to rein myself in. Small currents of energy coat my arms like a second skin, and if I’m not careful, I’ll make the phone explode and burn half of my face off. “I like her, sure, but I don’t even really know her. How can the universe just decide that I’m supposed to be madly in love with a stranger? Especially one that’s likely going to vanish in the middle of the night? How am I supposed to put myself out there like that when I’m not sure how long she’s even going to stay?”
Gavin’s quiet for a minute, and I bite the inside of my cheek. For as long as I’ve known the man, he’s always been the sort to not give a fuck about what anyone thinks, to throw his opinions out there without caring how they’re received. I might actually be more alarmed about what’s about to come out of his mouth if he took the time to think over his words than I was when he first dropped the mate-bomb on me.
“You’ve just got to ask yourself if you could still sleep at night. Do you know how many people would sell their left nut just to meet their mates? To at least have a shot instead of spending their whole lives wondering? It might work out, or it might not. But if you’re not even willing to try, it definitely won’t. Opting out might be the safer option, but what good is being safe if you’re miserable and alone?”
“I like being alone, though.” The words sound pathetic, even to me.
By Gavin’s snort, he certainly thinks so too. “Grinch thought the same thing, and even children can pick up on the moral of that story. Easier to wall yourself off against everyone so they can’t hurt you, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you want. You’re just scared and too stubborn to admit it. Sticking your head in a hole while the world carries on around you is no way to live, you damn ostrich, so maybe instead of being a coward, you try growing a pair.”
My shoulders sag as I lean against the side of the house, vision loosely focused on the light snow flurries reflecting the blinding light of the morning sun. “You sure I can’t convince you to come out for a visit?”
He hesitates. Ever since I moved out here, I haven’t seen the man, and it’s been a source of tension we continuously gloss over. But as open minded as I may be, that doesn’t mean everyone is. They raise us with such disdain towards anyone outside of our species; the humans for using and abusing us, and the shifters with the bullshit propaganda that they’re barely more than feral beasts with no self-control. And seeing as they’ve forced the majority out of the cities, there are a massive number of people that have never actually met one. All they know are the stories and warnings ingrained into their beings, and with no need to travel this far from home, they can’t see for themselves what a load of shit they’re being fed.
Sure, there are a handful of places that live in the shadows where people can be free without discrimination, but they’re few and far between. The fringe towns aren’t as bad, more amicable the closer you get to the wilds, but city folk? It will take a huge display to give them a slap of reality and make them start questioning things.
“I’ll think about it if you give this mate thing a fair shot.”
He can’t see me flip him off, but by his chuckle, I’m sure he assumed as much just based on our history. “Deal.”
We hang up and I turn to head back inside, hand wrapped around the doorknob as I stand there nervous to go into my own damn house now. Licking my lips, I give myself a mental slap and push it open, getting out of the cold.
The bakery is closed today so we got to sleep in, but after so long on this sleep schedule, five a.m. was pushing it for me and I’ve been wide awake ever since. Esmerelda is still passed out thankfully, because I’m not sure what sort of idiotic stammering would slip out of my mouth right now.
Heading for the bathroom, I crank the shower up to ‘lava’ and let it heat up while I strip. Pretty sure I lose the first layer of skin when I step under the spray and I sigh in relief, combating the chill from outside and praying it washes some of that prickling sensation down the drain with it. Though if Gavin is right, it might get worse before it gets better, our energy turning volatile as it screams to be heard.
She didn’t even have a phone, and with the way she needs to stay off of some people’s radar, I doubt she has anyone to check in with like I did. So the real question is; how long until she realizes it on her own? Like hell I’m about to just blurt it out and tell her, because I have no doubt that will send her ass running to the hills before I can even finish the sentence. Putting down roots is risky for her with the position she’s in, and just convincing her to stay for a few days was challenge enough.
Lathering up, I take my good sweet time, well aware that I’m procrastinating. But what sort of plan can I really make? I’m not about to try and trick her into falling in love with me so that she’ll want to stay and then yell ‘Surprise! We were mates all along and I just didn’t tell you!’ because I’m sure that would go over as well as giving her a dead kitten for a gift.
Shutting my eyes, I take slow breaths, trying to calm my spiraling train of thought and break the problem up into manageable chunks that seem less insurmountable. Able to think a little clearer, I feel the tension finally ease out of my muscles.
