I’m not embarrassed to admit the effect they have on me, but a girl can only take so much rejection before she starts to take it personally. It doesn’t matter that I know how they feel or the assurances they throw my way. Logic and reasoning sit in a different mental space than emotion, and I’m already struggling to differentiate what I feel, and whatshefeels. The biggest problem being that we both want to stake our claims and finish the tether that binds us as a flight, but I know firsthand what it feels like to have your choice in the matter taken away. I refuse to do that to them, to coerce them into something they honestly don’t think they’re ready for no matter how horny I get.
It’s just hard to tell if they’re letting their worry for how I’ll react overshadow everything else, or if they’re clinging to that as an excuse to put things off. But all of the conversations I try to have on the subject circle back to there being no rush, and that I should let myself acclimate before attempting it.
And I’m getting really sick of people telling me what I feel, or need to do to heal.
“Is it close to midnight?”
The music shifts to something new, more upbeat and less haunting, making my heart race. It gets my blood pumping, like we’re running out of time, so it seemed a good assumption along with my estimate of the time.
“Thirty minutes left,” he confirms, taking extra time to line up his shot before taking down four people, my plan working well.
“Should we get back out there, or just ride it out in here?” My skin starts crawling and I curse, grabbing Kaiden’s jacket to cover my arms before the off chance that anyone walking by manages to see their unfriendly, neighborhood mutant on the loose.
Kinsley looks at me with concern clearly etched on his face, so I hasten to shake my mood off before it turns into another worried debate. The entire point of this is to have some long overdue fun and I’m not about to ruin it with cynical self-deprecation.
After pulling my dragon back from the brink last time, I have more confidence that I could reason with her if it came down to it. Scales can be covered, and water manipulation would be something any water dragon female could access before a shift, so it’s just a matter of keeping my wings from making an appearance. And with as pitch black as it is out there, there’s far less open scrutiny.
“Could play it either way,” Kaiden states noncommittally, crouching beside his brother at the window to fire off a few shots. “Wait for the time to run out and pick people off from here, or run around in the rain and play along with more of the training aspect. What do you guys want to do?”
Kahl glances at me, but I just shrug. “I’m good for whatever. It was nice to get a short break from the onslaught of rain, but not much time left and I know you guys were really looking forward to tonight.”
He mulls it over for a minute. “Let’s head back out. If we get shot, so be it, but it’s nice being out in the open without anyone trying to pry Saige’s life story from her.”
“All the fun of not being cooped up in the house with the permission to shoot people. Can’t really pass that up.”
Stuffing my hair back under my hood, I retrieve my gun, following the guys towards the back door of the café. Kaiden slips out first to scan the alley before silently motioning for us to follow. The rain comes down just as heavily as before, if not even worse. Water pools around my ankles in spots, and I regret choosing an ankle holster before we left. Bending to remove my gun and tuck it in my coat pocket, I hope it hasn’t become damaged to the point of uselessness.
“Not my finest choice,” I admit to Kahl, looking contrite. “It can be salvaged, right?”
He steals my free hand, lacing his fingers through mine before lifting it to kiss the back. “You can help me when we get home. It should be fine so long as we clean and oil it, but we’ll test it out tomorrow to be sure.”
“And if not, we’ll set you up with a new one,” Kaiden casually states, like it’s no real loss despite how much they must have spent on their armory over the years. “Not like we’re going to leave you without a way to protect yourself.”
He misses my smile, adoring the way they insist on taking care of everything to try and mitigate my worries. But I don’t want them to have to constantly shoulder all of the burdens. We’re supposed to be a flight, yet they’re handling me with kid gloves, becoming overprotective to the point of coddling.
Things might not be conducive to me just getting a job at the supermarket, but I still need a purpose. I should feel beyond grateful for everything; them saving me, loving me, and trying to take care of me. But I want more, and I’m so tired of feeling guilty for wanting more out of life than survival. I need a part to play, a way to pull my own weight in this family.
As much as I don’t need to prove my worth, I want to earn my place, to feel like I deserve the looks they throw my way. I’m not some miraculous gift, I’m a hot mess, but I’m starting to let go of that guilt.
It was never my fault, and I’m tired of feeling like I have to apologize for simply existing.
There’s a pressure in the back of my head, but she doesn’t try to manipulate me or talk, just lets me know she’s there. Awake. Watching.
Waiting.
“Shit,” Kaiden curses, stepping in front of Kinsley and taking several shots to the chest.
Dropping Kahl’s hand, the three of us start firing in tandem, raining white globs of paint down on the two men peeking around the edge of the buildings. One loses his grip on his gun, slipping and falling out of sight.
“Oh, gods damn it,” the stranger gripes, voice steadily rising into a shout. “Who the fuck let their dog shit on the sidewalk!”
He comes into view a second later, tearing off his shirt and glancing at the back. Gagging, he balls it up and tosses it to the ground, frantically checking his arms rather than bothering to reach for his gun.
A startled laugh bursts from my lips that I can’t seem to rein in no matter my best efforts.
“Now that, I could get used to,” Kinsley comments, grinning back at me.
The red band is still tied to the latest victim’s upper arm, giving away his position, and he doesn’t see the small cluster of blue dots creeping up behind him. His friend abandoned ship shortly after he wiped out, leaving him to fend for himself as he slowly becomes surrounded.
