She nods, though her voice belies her confidence. “I despise being the center of attention, but if I’m going to pretend I belong here, I need to get used to it, is all,” she murmurs, craning her neck to ensure she isn’t overheard.
Kahl pivots to start walking backwards down the street, facing her as he swipes water from his face. “You do belong here, no pretending about it. No one’s going to hurt you. Even if we weren’t around, you’re not defenseless, Saige. First step to living your own life? Fucking own it.”
Kinsley grips her shoulder, whispering loudly enough for me to overhear. “I can take you back home if you aren’t ready for all of this yet, beautiful.”
Waiting for her reply, because as much as I’m looking forward to tonight, I’m not going to be able to enjoy it knowing she’s miserable or cooped up at home, I start strumming my fingers over her hip. It’s a spur of the moment idea that maybe the familiar tapping will help steady her nerves, but I vary up the pattern, using four digits to follow the song stuck in my head this week. Enough to be a comfort, but not so much as to fall back into the same habits.
Exhaling heavily, she shakes her head once before holding it just a bit higher, speaking with conviction. “No more cowering, no more jumping at every shadow. I have no doubt life will come crashing down on me eventually as it always does whenever someone’s been happy for too long, but until then? I want to have a taste of what it was like before the world fell apart. I want to walk down the street like I have every right to be here instead of lesser, to feel the sun and bask in its warmth instead of skittering back into the shadows for fear of being seen.”
Kissing the top of her head, I hope she can feel how damn proud I am. “There’s always someone out there wanting to take what we have. There are enough bloodthirsty people that keep trying to climb their way to the top of the world, even if all they end up king of is a pile of ashes. All we can do is strive to be stronger and smarter, to be a bigger threat than they are.”
Kahl cuts in, still easily walking backwards to be a part of the conversation while displaying to the others around us that they aren’t even worth noticing. “Just because the world has gone to shit doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to enjoy yourself when and wherever you can; it’s all the more reason for it. Keep your eyes open, but try to see beyond just the trouble you’re looking for.”
We finally arrive in the field beside a park, Cai standing on a picnic table and looking out over the crowd. Ezra, Vyrian, and Soren are passing out red and blue scraps of fabric that people are tying around their upper arms, getting divided into teams.
“Capture the flag?” Saige hazards on a guess, the heavy moment tapering away in light of the buzzing, exhilarated energy that saturates the air so heavily it’s impossible to ignore.
Kinsley adds an attachment to the top of a rifle before passing it her way. “Nope; paintball.” There’s a wicked glint in his eyes, an excitement that’s contagious and beginning to spread to our mate. “Ever play?”
Taking the blue marker and tying it off on her left arm with some help from Kinsley, she shakes her head. “Pretty self-explanatory, I’m good. Rules?”
Grinning, I gesture towards where Cai’s standing, looking the part of drill sergeant. “He’ll go over it all, don’t worry.”
I stretch my arms above my head and crack my neck, thoroughly soaked at this point. Lightning flashes in the distance and a loud clap of thunder soon follows. It doesn’t really faze any of us as more than an annoyance, but I worry about Saige getting sick. Dragons have a stronger immune system, so the only real use of the hospital is stitching us back together more than for a rare, actual illness.
Fuck, we really should have called it off. Her hair and eyes have changed enough that I don’t think Ben would immediately recognize her, but if he does...he’s going to have questions. He saw she was clearly human when fixing her broken leg and there’s no way he’d let this just drop. We might be able to spin it though, if we’re careful. He never knew her name. She looks different enough and it’s been a long time...
Shit.
Grabbing Kahl, I leave Saige with Kins while I drag him far enough to the side to spew the latest problem my mind’s conjured at him, so caught up with everything I’m pissed that we didn’t think of it sooner.
Kahl grits his teeth for a long moment before sighing in defeat, running a hand through his matted hair, the water darkening it to a bloody shade. “So either we wait to see how it’s going to play out, hope no one believes him if he starts talking, or we kill him. Motherfucker.”
Groaning, I share his pain. “Is it worth the risk, though? Of just constantly waiting for the blade to drop on our necks, or if people will just write him off as crazy? Sure, it sounds far-fetched saying it out loud so it’s possible, but...” I trail off, torn, yet trying to make a rational decision instead of one fueled by fear and desperation. That’s exactly what exacerbates situations instead of fixing them, and we have enough to handle without making more problems when they could just as well be avoided.
“Town doesn’t have a lot of good doctors,” Kahl relents, feeling guilty. “We kill him, we could be sabotaging ourselves later on if things continue to escalate with her. Whether that’s transition related or hell, say down the line she gets pregnant. He could be a good ally we snuff out just for some ‘what ifs’. It’s a hell of a gamble.”
Gritting my teeth, I stifle the urge to hit something. My stomach churns with frustrated rage, debating the merits of just killing everyone and using their corpses to build a wall around the city to keep the world at bay. As soon as the thought hits me, I feel sick for a new reason.
Because it sounds like a perfectly valid idea instead of dramatic, and my hand is already halfway into my pocket before I manage to stop myself, reaching for my knife.
“Kaid? Kaiden!” Kahl hisses, shaking my shoulder while looking at me with concern.
I have to physically shake my head to try and clear my distracted thoughts and focus on his words, pissed off at myself for letting my attention slip when we’re in public. “Something’s wrong,” I softly admit, the words akin to chewing glass. Struggling to explain my problem and the theory that accompanies it, Kahl actually looks relieved by the time I shut up.
“Thank fuck,” he murmurs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t want to say anything and put the thoughts in your heads if I was alone, but I’ve been having similar issues. I’ve had a ridiculous drive for days to polish and paint my grenades before gifting them to Saige.” His eyes remain shut as he shakes his head in annoyance. “It’s stupid.”
Huffing a laugh as I picture her face if he went through with it, I can’t help but give him a hard time. “I’ll make sure to pick up some glitter glue next time I’m at the store.” I don’t block the smack as the back of his hand hits my stomach, chuckling instead.
“Ass,” he chuckles on an exhale. “But seriously. Think it means rather than our dragons waiting to rise to the surface until we thought our mate was going to die, or whatever that ritual triggers, they woke up early or something? And because we didn’t actually need to shift to save her, are splitting into separate entities instead of staying merged like usual, since they can’t get out?”
Rubbing my temple at the growing headache, I groan. “This is above my pay grade, man. They didn’t branch into nearly enough of this shit in school for me to be able to make sense of it. Ez’s mates might have some theories, saw enough shit in their country with Yri’s dad working for a lab before escaping here. But that’s all any of this is; guesswork. Does it even really matter? We can’t stop it, whateveriteven is. Might as well just hang on for the ride and hope shit works out the way it’s supposed to.”
He doesn’t look convinced, not as willing to just give up the hunt for answers as I am. But we’ve already been robbed of so much time with our mate. I don’t want to waste more of it on a wild goose chase that won’t even change anything. It’s not like there’s a cure for something that hasn’t been seen before, and the more we make waves searching for answers, the more likely people will find out about her.
“And maybe this is a good thing,” I continue, not backing down. “None of us were willing to put her at risk to trigger our shifts, so maybe our dragons just got sick of waiting and are taking matters into their own hands.”
Kahl tosses a glance over his shoulder towards the other members of our flight, Kins introducing Saige to a few people. She’s biting her bottom lip, but that’s her only tell for being uneasy. Her posture is steady, and she stands at Kinsley’s side rather than cowering behind him, her eyes laser focused on the men in front of her and watching their every twitch.
