“What do you mean hurt her?” Atlas asks, tugging his shirt back on now that Dorian doesn’t need to use it as a barrier. “She’s the one that dropped those guards like it was nothing.”
Lucien mimics Dorian’s soothing action and answers Atlas in a level tone. “And a sudden, severe reaction like this stems from something bad happening when she’s done it before.”
“What makes you an expert on fae all of a sudden?” Atlas snaps nervously, pacing.
Lucien and Dorian share a look in silence, and just that small thing is enough for my breathing to start evening out. The fact that they aren’t judging me, that they understand on a deeper level, helps immensely.
Atlas picks up on their silence and stops his pacing, giving Dorian a repentant look as his face falls apologetically. “Shit, sorry, I’m a jackass,” he whispers. “I didn’t think before I said anything.”
Dorian murmurs sweet words, keeping the room from falling into awkward silence, and after who knows how long, I feel more like myself again. Although admittedly, a more embarrassed version than before.
“Sorry,” I whisper, so low I’m surprised they hear me.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Lucien states emphatically, jaw tight. “But we should grab some bags and get moving. Three dead guards are bound to draw attention, and I hate to say it, but you don’t seem to be in many people’s good graces in the first place.”
I fist the sheet to dry my sweaty palms. “They aren’t dead.”
He looks at me quizzically, so I press on. “I temporarily stole their abilities from them. It’s one of the reasons people don’t like me very much; it scares them.”
“And people lash out when they’re scared,” Atlas scoffs in indignation.
Dorian’s eyes are hard as he adds, “And the attention whore comment. You know that’s bullshit, right?” When I don’t say anything, he just seems to get angrier. He puts his hands on my shoulders, looking down with a stormy expression that I have to fight to remind myself isn’t directed at me.
“You are goddamn amazing and those assholes are idiots for not being able to see it. I may not have been here long, but even I can tell that the fae here are power hungry, jealous people. People blinded by greed and envy will always tear others down if they can’t claw their way up. So don’t listen to them, alright?”
I fight a new wave of tears for a very different reason. The fact that a human is going so far out of his way to be empathetic and console me is just all the more reason why I prefer their world to this one.
“Thanks, Dorian.”
Releasing a long, slow breath, I get to my feet, walking over to the door and pressing my palms against it. I release the pent up energy from the guards’ abilities back out of me, knowing that it will make its way back where it belongs. Rickon will be pissed off, but maybe it’ll be a good reminder for him to leave me alone for a few days. When it’s been so many years since I’ve used the ability, it’s easy for people to quit thinking of me as a threat. He spends so much time riding my case and browbeating me into a form of submission because he fears not having any power, that eventually I start believing him.
“Is that why we keep running into that same guard?” Atlas asks, mirroring my thoughts.
“Yep,” I sigh, starting to put away the groceries to keep my hands busy.
Now that I’m in control again, I shouldn’t be able to hurt them. Still, the thought of laying a hand on any of them while I feel so slimy and disgusting makes me internally cringe. So while it may be safe, that doesn’t mean a damn thing is okay. I’m not sure what would happen to a human without abilities to steal if I touched them while in that state, but these three are the last ones I want to experiment on.
“The Queen assigned him to ‘keep an eye on me’ when I left my family five years ago,” I scoff, stuffing things in the fridge. “But I swear, hetriesto goad me into fucking up. It was why I tried to diffuse the situation at first when he was being a shithead.”
I don’t look at them yet, just keep my hands occupied and head down so I don’t have to look at the disgust in their eyes as they realize they were saddled with the worst possible fae. While my emotions are still raw, I’m not sure I could stand seeing it.
“So what’s going to happen now that you did?” Lucien asks slowly.
I pause with my head in a cabinet. “Either he’ll report back to try and get me punished, be embarrassed I kicked his ass and try to sweep it under the rug, or make my life ten times more difficult to punish me himself.”
Closing the cabinet door, I stand up, stepping around the empty bags and keep my eyes on the wall. “Make yourselves at home, I’m going to take a shower. We should be able to head back tomorrow; I’m feeling better.”
I maneuver around them and close the door, stripping and stepping under the hot spray. Before long, I break down; unattractive, gut wrenching sobs tearing out of my chest as I relive just how shitty and unfair my life has been. All of the abuse, all of the suffering, just because I was born defective. I’ve gotten pretty good at smothering those thoughts over recent years, making a semblance of a life for myself, but things like this just threaten to undo all of the years I’ve spent piecing myself back together.
Hours later the water’s long since gone cold, but I’m still sitting in the freezing bathtub after turning off the spray. I don’t even lift my head from the wall I’m resting it against, staring up at the ceiling when a soft knock sounds out against the door.
“It’s open.”
There’s a slight rustle of clothing as someone sits down beside the bathtub, but I can’t tear my eyes away from the ceiling; staring, but not seeing. I just feel numb and exhausted, and I can’t seem to muster up enough energy to even dry off and crawl into bed.
“I didn’t realize things were that bad,” Lucien of all people states evenly. We sit there in silence for a bit before he continues. “I’m sorry. For acting like such an asshole and riding your case so much; I didn’t know. I was so caught up in what all of this meant for us and how it would affect my life, I didn’t bother to get to know you. I just tossed your need to come back here into the schedule rotation and kept disregarding what you wanted for what was convenient for me.”
I sigh, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my head on my knees, turning to face him. “You’re fine. Honestly, beyond that first night where you tried to lecture me on my poor money management, I haven’t looked too deeply into anything coming out of your mouth. It was clear you were struggling with all of this and I’m used to people lashing out. Besides, you needed to find the right place to put it so you could wrap your head around everything. It’s a huge change and a lot to expect, so really, Lucien, we’re okay.”
