I focus on my shadows, calling them out in my mind. He said the transition should feel like a dark, velvety tingle up my spine, and I pour all my awareness into one singular point, chasing that telltale sign of an impending shadow walk.
Nothing happens yet again.
“Godsdammit! We’re running around in circles, Killian. Are you sure you’re not omitting a step?”
“I’m sure, menace,” he answers, annoyed. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
“Bullshit. It’s your double’s fault for keeping my shadows preoccupied with his stupid cock.”
Killian’s derisive laughter fills the training hall before he summons his crimson shadows and disappears in a bloody mist.
“Then why can I do it, umbra?”
His whisper caresses my earlobe, and his day-old stubble brushes against the side of my neck. A shiver runs down my entire body, and I take a step forward to put distance between us, while whirling around to face him.
“Not fair. You’ve been practicing for eons,” I say as I try to catch my breath. I hate that his proximity still has this effect on me. He doesn’t deserve the reactions he pulls from my traitorous body or my confused heart.
No.
He repeatedly treated me like dirt, and as such, I should be able to harden myself to his cunning presence.
I blame this muddled feeling on my idiotic shadows, still acting like horny teenagers in the corner.
“This is clearly going nowhere,” he sighs. “Maybe we should take a more hands-on approach.”
“What do you mean?”
His hand raises tentatively, bridging the space between us.
“May I touch you?”
No, he may fucking not.
“If you must,” I answer through gritted teeth.
He moves with fluid caution, his fingers barely grazing the sides of my arms. His touch burns, and I stand still, caught between an endless battle. I want both to recoil and to let the flames engulf me. Would it be so bad to let this fire consume me?
“Close your eyes, umbra. Think of a happy place. Somewhere you felt safe. Content.”
I follow his gentle guidance and envision the last place and time I felt such bliss. A wave of velutinous tingles, like the reverent touch of a long-lost lover, embraces my senses, and before I know it, my body disintegrates in a swirl of black shadows. For a mere instant, I’m completely free, unencumbered by flesh or thought. Then it all comes to a halt, and when I open my eyes, I’m in Killian’s bedroom.
The dark chamber is just as I remember it, draped in shadows and decadence. Killian’s fingers still graze my arms, and his wide-eyed stare is softer than I have seen it in weeks.
I pull out of his arms immediately and point an accusing finger at his chest.
“Why did you bring us here?”
“I didn’t,” comes his subdued murmur. “You did, little umbra. It seems this is your happy place.”
The intensity behind his dark gaze makes goosebumps erupt on my flesh. I wish I could refute his statement, call him out for his blatant lie.
But he’s not telling lies.
He never did.
No. Between the two of us, he’s always been the one standing in the light of his truth. Wearing his battered heart on his sleeve.
“I–”
