All the heartbreak.
All the pain of the past, and the reluctant hope of a future together.
All my fears, my daydreams, and aspirations.
All the searing hot, torrid adulation he wrings out from my body, and my love that knows no bounds.
We lie there, tangled in each other, in our own little cocoon of shadows and promises, until our eyes become heavy and our breathing slower.
As I fall asleep in his blissful arms, one thought plagues me in a loop.
The lies must end.
Tomorrow I shall come clean to Killian, finally trusting him with all my secret wounds.
I will unveil myself to him, hoping that the light of his love and acceptance will finally cure all my damaged parts.
CHAPTER 28
Aimee
Thewarmglowofa winter sun breaking through the cloudy canvas of the sky’s expanse wakes me up from my slumber. Strong, protective arms band around me under the fluffed up covers, and my legs rest comfortably against Killian’s. I hold my breath for a second, waiting for the telltale signs of a panic attack to appear, but nothing happens.
No prickles at the back of my skull.
No shortness of breath.
No unmistakable urge to flee.
On the contrary, I feel a featherlight blanket of calmness enveloping my senses, and I’m astonished to realize I’ve had a full night’s sleep with not one nightmare in sight.
When I crack my eyes open, the world seems brighter, sharper somehow. I feel the sunrays on my skin like a lover’s caress. I can hear each individual ember cracking in the fireplace. The silk sheets below me are decadent whispers, and everywheremy skin touches Killian’s is a fucking torchlight of heavenly awareness. It’s like a veil has been lifted from my brain, and I’m experiencing the world for the first time as I was intended to.
Is this how it feels to love and be loved in return? Gods, I’m struggling to remember why I fought so hard against this to begin with.
I shift in Killian’s arms, turning to face him, and he mumbles in his sleep, holding me tighter, as if I’d vanish otherwise. He’s even more heartbreakingly stunning when he’s sleeping. His tousled hair hangs on his forehead, wild and silky, and his long, dark eyelashes dust his cheeks like the kiss of shadows on delicate porcelain. He almost doesn’t seem real, more like an artist’s dream brought to life through vivid brush strokes, than a being made of flesh and bones.
My fingers itch to brush the contour of his sensual mouth, to run my fingertips alongside his stubbled jawline. But I’m rooted in place, afraid to move and break this reverie. We’re suspended in this perfect split second.
However, the moment he wakes up, I have to face my fears and embrace honesty in all its ugly, broken facets.
There can’t be any attempt at redemption without suffering, can there? I’ve hidden these parts of myself for so long, and from everybody around, that my brain can barely cope with this new reality. I must tell him mytrue story, harrowing as it might be. He deserves to know. He truly does! Then why does my heart shrink in pain at the mere thought of coming clean?
Guilt washes over me like dirty water, foul and never-ending. I’ve kept this ruse up for so long that it’s hard to untangle deception from facts. I look back on my duplicity since the first time we spoke, remembering every way I’ve distorted the narrative.
Will he forgive me for all my omissions, half-truths and white lies? Understand my need to cover my past, to keep my woundshidden from him, from the world? Will he finally see me as the fraud that I am? Will he still feel the same way about me once he realizes that the Aimee he fell in love with is erected on a wobbly house of cards, each lie stacked on top of another precariously?
There’s only one way to find out.
His confession from last night plays in my mind on repeat. He loves me.
He. Loves. Me.
Against all odds, againstprophecies, and whatever the fates had bestowed upon us, he chose me. Against everything my twin sister has ever drilled into my head about my unworthiness, about how unlovable and undeserving of goodness I am, he fell for me.
And by all the mighty power of the Gods above and below, I love him back with the same fierce intensity. I didn’t say it out loud last night, but I feel it deep in my bones. I’ve tried so hard to avoid this exact situation, and yet here I am, drowning willingly in his captivating magnetism and the sweet capitulation of finally admitting my own feelings.
I remember what Blaise had said to me a while back:
