My hands closed on her hips. Firm. I held her there and slowed her down, then guided her down again on my own count. Harder. Deeper. Where I wanted her. Her breath caught at the change. A small sound came out of her that was not quite a word. Her eyes did not leave mine.
"Look at me," I said again, even though she already was.
She nodded. Her hair was dark and heavy and dripping around our faces. Her mouth was open.
I slid one hand up the wet line of her stomach to her chest. I cupped her there and felt her breath catch under my palm. My thumb crossed her once, slow, and her hips stuttered on my next stroke. My other hand stayed at her hip, guiding her down on every beat now, harder, the way she was asking for without words. Her forehead came down against mine. Her hair, soaked through, hung around our faces like a curtain. Her eyes stayedon mine the whole time. That was the part I could not get over. She did not look away.
"Mine," I said, against her mouth.
"Yours," she answered.
The heat built. The steam closed in around us until the rest of the room was gone. I felt her start to tighten around me, felt her breath shorten down to small ragged sounds I knew the shape of by now. "Do not stop," I told her, low, mouth at her ear. "Stay with me." "Don't stop," she echoed, broken, half breath, half plea. "Daniil, please."
I let my own control finally slip the rest of the way. My hands locked at her hips and I drove up into her, once, twice, a third time, hard and deep. Her teeth found the place where my neck met my shoulder and she bit down. Not gently. Her nails dragged across my back and I felt the sting and welcomed it.
She broke around me, a long cry going up into the steam, her body clenching down on me in waves. "Only you," she got out, between gasps, the word ragged. "Only you."
"Mine," I said, and then I was gone too. I came with her, hard, deep, my forehead going down against her wet shoulder, my face against her neck where I could feel her pulse hammering against my mouth. I spilled into her in long pulls and my arms locked around her, holding her flush to my chest. Her aftershocks ran through her and through me both. I felt every one.
For a long moment neither of us moved.
The spray was still running. Her heart hammered against mine, slowing in small steps. My own breath came back to me one stretch at a time. I reached out without lifting my head, found the lever, and nudged the water back toward warm where it had cooled. Steam rose up fresh around us. I gathered her closer. I kissed her temple. I kissed her wet shoulder where my forehead had been. I kissed the bite she had left at the placewhere my neck met my collarbone, because she had earned the right to it. Then I just held her, and let the water run, and did not say anything for a long beat.
She tipped her head back against my collarbone. I felt her smile against my skin before I heard it.
"Do you like your present?" she said, low and smug and soft, all at once.
My voice came out quieter than I meant it to. Clean.
"I love it." Beat. "May I have more?"
She laughed. Quiet, into my chest, a warm small sound that I felt more than heard. Then she reached up, both hands on my jaw, and pulled my face down to hers. Her kiss came with the warmth of someone who had every intention of saying yes.
I had spent years being the man who could carry anything. The man who carried the family, the war, the bodies, the name. I had been good at it. I had never thought to ask whether it cost me anything, because asking was not part of the job.
I had not known, until this evening, how good it could feel to be the man someone else carried, just for a little while.
I let her carry me.
24
CHLOE
My phone rang from the counter while I was rinsing a bowl. The number on the screen wasn't one I had saved. Queens area code. I dried my hands on a dish towel and picked up.
"Is this Chloe Kim?"
The voice was professional. Older. Careful.
"Yes."
"This is Doctor Park, calling from the clinic on Northern Boulevard. Your grandmother put down your number a long time ago for emergencies."
The bowl I had just set in the drying rack suddenly seemed very loud. I went still against the counter.
"Is she okay?"
"She is fine. I wanted to say that first. She had a fall in her kitchen this morning. A neighbor heard her and brought her in. Bruised hip, a small fever we are watching. Nothing broken. Nothing serious."
