As I quickly brewed a cup of coffee, I realized this would be the first time I had shared these types of feelings for anyone. Real feelings. Hell, it was the first time I felt them, let alone talked about them.
I nervously drummed my fingers on the granite countertop as the smell of coffee beans filled my kitchen. As much as I had tried writing the words out on the plane ride home from Vegas, and rehearsing them in my head all night, the words I had planned to say to Juliet didn’t seem like they were enough. Theyseemed so small. And maybe they would be. Maybe they would fall on ears that didn’t want to hear them. Could Iblameher?
There was a very good chance Juliet would reject me. Hell, she might have quit already, and I would never see her again. She had every right to after how I treated her. I had been cold and distant, flipping a switch right after we slept together again.
It had been more than just sleeping together though. I wondered if she had felt it too as we lay tangled in the carpet, our bodies moving as one, as if they were doing the talking. Saying words we never did. It was almost unfathomable how quickly I had fallen for her, and I was sure she had fallen too.
And then I had gone and ruined it all, giving her whiplash, I was sure.
I deserved for her to push me away. If she did, I would have to accept it.
I poured my coffee in a travel mug, the steam rising and circling my hand as I snapped the lid on. I pushed away from the counter with a feeling of determination. I strode for the elevator doors, not wanting to waste any more time.
If by some miracle Juliet showed up this morning and listened to me, maybe she could find forgiveness in her heart. Maybe we could figure out the steps of how to be together. If she would even give me that chance, I had decided it was best to keep business and our personal lives separate. And if she rejected me, we would still have to go our separate ways. Either way, shecouldn’t work there anymore. Things were too complicated. Too dangerous.
It pained me to think about. She didn’t deserve this. I hated the thought that her whole life had upturned because of me. It was the first time I felt any remorse about firing someone. I vowed to make the process seamless, with plans of setting her up with a generous severance package and giving my outstanding recommendation to wherever she applied to work next.
To think she wouldn’t sit across from me anymore made me miss her already, but I just hoped she would stay in my life. Not as my assistant, but as something more.
Chapter 29
Juliet
I was high above the city’s skyline, the buildings cast in a gray wash. The sky was black. The blackest I had ever seen it, without a star or a moon or a city light to illuminate it. I was standing at the edge of a rooftop, knowing I was about to plummet down and let the city’s dark abyss swallow me whole. I could hear a familiar voice behind me, but it was too far away to make out. I wanted to turn to it, see who spoke, but I was already falling.
I sat up quickly, slamming my hands on either side of me, desperate to grab onto something as my body was still in a freefall. My fingers met with cool, soft sheets, as my fingers gripped the fabric tightly. I let out a sharp gasp and opened my eyes to see I wasn’t plummeting down to the concrete sidewalk, but I was in bed. I was in my apartment, my bedroom still dark at the pre-dawn hour. Trying to catch my breath, I grabbed myphone from the wooden nightstand and checked the time. It was barely 5:15 a.m.
Happy to have woken up from the dream where it felt like my heart was in my throat, but desperate for more sleep, I groaned. It had been a restless night, combatting nausea, thoughts of Chester, and dreams about falling off a New York City high rise. Not the best combination for a restful sleep, and I needed it. Not just because of today’s meeting with Chester, but because my body felt tired. Exhausted really.
That was another perk of pregnancy.
I rubbed my eyes and peered out the window at the brick apartment building next door. It was a grayish burgundy shade, still under the night’s darkness. Only one apartment had their lights on. The gamer who stayed up all night and slept all day. He would probably be turning in soon, shutting off his monitor and hanging up his headphones on the wall, a signal to start my day. It was a small amount of comfort for the unknown of my day ahead, a constant I welcomed.
I yawned and stretched my arms up over my head, my college t-shirt creeping above my midriff. Soon, my stomach would be round and this shirt would be more of a crop-top than a regular sized tee. I placed my hand on my stomach, rubbing my thumb softly across the worn cotton fabric.
“Good morning,” I whispered, surprising myself with the greeting.
It was the first time I had really acknowledged the baby in a way that made it feel human, made it feelreal. It was the first time I had spoken to him or her. Sure, I had cursed the idea of being pregnant as I clutched the toilet and retched my brains out or flopped down on the couch completely exhausted from doing the bare minimum, but I had never spoken to the baby.Mybaby. In the darkness of my empty apartment, it made me feel less alone.
“Are you going to make Mommy throw up today?” I asked, raising a speculative brow as I looked down, a small smile spreading across my face.
A small wave of nausea rolled through me just then, answering my question.
“Greeaaaat,” I groaned, swinging my legs off the bed and rushing toward the bathroom.
After dry-gagging for several minutes, I started to get ready for the day. Since I had woken up so early, I could take my time.
I took an everything shower. This time, careful not to have my phone in the bathroom, just in case. As the hot water ran over me, I shut my eyes tight, remembering how it was just two months ago that my livestream went viral. Just two months ago I met Chester, mortified that he had seen the video. Just two months ago, fate would bring us together at that club.
It felt like time was in fast-forward, throwing everything life could throw at me in that short amount of time, like I was living three lifetimes at once. I would settle for one life, not even myold life. As terrified as I was to become a mother, I knew it was what I wanted.
Once I was out of the shower, I padded toward the kitchen with a fluffy, large towel wrapped around my body and a smaller one in my hair, finding a rare opportunity to throw together my current usual breakfast. Buttered toast, just slightly golden, lathered with butter and accompanied by extra crispy turkey bacon. Eggs were out of the question. The sight of them made me sick. The thought of them made me gag.
As I took a bite of toast, the crunch sounding in my ears, my phone rang. I picked it up curiously, wondering who was calling at this hour. It was Sadie.
“Hello?” I answered, slightly worried it was an emergency.
“Today’s the day,” she said, trying to sound chipper.
