Okay, maybe I should have accepted that when Josh mentioned the ring, but still, it seems crazy. Bethany getting a marriage proposal. She’s still more or less an infant. How is that possible?
“So, how did you react?” I ask Josh.
“Well, it took me way too long to realize what he was going on about,” Josh admits on a sigh, his head still resting against the sofa as he stares at the ceiling. “And then when he said he wanted our blessing… well, let’s just say I didn’t give it to him.” Another sigh, deeper this time. “To be fair to Ben, he took it in his stride. He said he knew we might be surprised because we were from New Jersey.”
I can’t help but laugh at this. “What does being fromNew Jerseyhave to do with it?”
“Well, do you know anyone in New Jersey who gets married at nineteen?” Josh asks, lifting his head to look at me.
With a grimace, I have to concede he has a point. I don’t.
“So…” I pause as I think through it all. Ben really wants to ask my daughter tomarryhim. How is that even possible? How can we be the parents of a child old enough to get married? “What did you say? Did you give him your blessing?”
“I didn’tnotgive it,” Josh says, then throws up his hands, even though I haven’t said anything. “I was blindsided, Abby!” he cries, which is fair enough, becauseIwas blindsided when Emmy told me. “I didn’t even know what he wastalkingabout first. So no, I didn’t give him my unadulterated, no-holds-barred blessing. But I said I was glad he’d asked, and I’d talk to you.” He shakes his head, rueful now. “I’ll be honest, I was struggling.”
“Oh, Josh.” I lay my head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I really should have told you.”
“Well.” He puts his arm around me and draws me close. “I guess I’ll forgive you. Just.”
“Wow, grace in action,” I tease.
He looks down at me seriously. “That’s something else I have to tell you.”
This time, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but his tone alarms me a little. “Something else?” I query cautiously.
“Pastor Todd came by to pick William and Jack up for bowling.”
“And?” I ask when Josh doesn’t seem inclined to say anything more.
“And he wants to meet with us to talk about membership,” Josh says in the same ominous tone. “Apparently, when you’ve been attending a church for a whole year, they want you to becomemembers. Or at leastthinkabout becoming members.”
“Oh.” I absorb this slowly, trying to figure out how I feel about it. It’s true we’ve been attending Grace Fellowship for a whole year. And I’ve been going to Bible study, the kids have finally started attending youth group, and the church is a big part of our lives.
And yet… I don’t feel like I’m personallypart of thechurch. If I’m honest, I feel like I’m far from a member and more like a fraud. We may attend church, I might have given the prayer at Bible study a few months ago, I might have a Bible verse taped above my sink…
But when it comes to actual, honest-to-goodness, putting-your-money-where-your-mouth-isfaith? Not so much. Not atall,if I’m honest. At least that’s what it feels like right now, when so many worries are swirling through me, and it rarely even occurs to me to look above for answers.
“Hmm,” I finally say, which isn’t much answer.
Josh nods like I said something deep. “My thoughts exactly.”
“Well…” I lift my legs to rest on top of his as I relax into the sofa, one hand resting on my bump. Baby girl gives my palm a welcoming—or warning—kick. It’s been a long day, and it feels nice that the house is quiet, the dusky light outside peaceful. “Maybe that’s a problem for another day.”
“Maybe it is,” Josh agrees. “We didn’t set a date for this meeting, anyway.”
“Well, that’s something,” I tell him encouragingly.
He lets out a short huff of laughter. “Yeah, I guess.” He shakes his head as he pulls me in closer, my head resting against his chest. “How did we get here?” he marvels. “Homesteading in West Virginia, becoming church members, our daughter possibly getting married at nineteen.” He turns to face me, a wry smile tugging at his mouth. “Did we become hillbillies without me realizing?”
“Would it be so bad if we did?” I ask teasingly.
Josh’s eyes crinkle. “No,” he says, pulling me toward him for a kiss, “I guess it wouldn’t.”
The days melt into one another, and no proposal comes. It’s getting hard to keep quiet about it because I’m pretty sure Ben wants it to be a surprise for his beloved, but every time Bethanywalks into the house, I spring to attention, half-expecting an excited “you’ll never guess!” as she lifts her left hand with its sparkly chip of a diamond.
So far, it hasn’t happened, and I feel just about equal parts disappointed and relieved. I really don’t know if I’m ready for this next life step, especially with a baby on the way.
I keep busy around the homestead, and we also head into Buckholt to visit Hooch and Jessie Mae. Their wedding is next month, and everyone is excited.
