My guards gave a shallow, reluctant bow before leaving us. The door closed, and all that filled the silence between us was the bubbling sensation of Em’s boiling resentment. It took all my restraint not to let his emotions overtake mine—they were so strong. So volatile.
Emmerick had lived here since he had become my guard as a teenager. Every ounce of this space was filled with him—from the burgundy quilts to the collection of wooden figurines that his father had carved for him, to the table in the corner where he cleaned his weapons. He had branded himself on the space. I’d never be able to enter this room again without thinking of him.
I wanted to run into his arms as I had so many times before. I imagined wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning in to smell the rosemary of the soap he liked to use. His embrace would be all the peace I needed, yet he offered me no comfort today.
I’d let him down in such a stupidly selfish way.
His lips drew into a taut line, and his jaw locked into a pained grimace. I knew that look.
He was angry, yes, but what I felt roiling off him was fear, too.
“Em…please,” I said, my voice cracking. I didn’t know what I was pleading for.
His breath deepened.In, out, in, out.I shut down my senses fully, not wanting to feel the claw of his disappointment. Unveiling whatever awful thoughts lurked behind that scowl would have been simple. But now wasn’t the time to wound myself.
He hated when I slipped into his mind and invaded his privacy, and I hated the thought that he might loathe me. I couldn’t bring myself to face that.
So, I stood and awaited his words—they would likely be sharp and cutting, but this man would never lay an unkind hand on me.
Emmerick had been my best friend since we were children. Even as we’d warmed each other’s beds in recent years, I’d clung to his friendship most. If he was never my lover again—I could handle that. The thought of not being his friend? That raised the hairs on the back of my neck.
“I am supposed to be by your side, protecting you. Let me go with you.” The vulnerability in his words lashed through any last shred of my defenses. He placed his hands on his head, fingers digging into the hair at his temples that he frequently pulled when his nerves ran high.
Fuck.
“Emmerick,” I whispered. “I don’t have a choice. I am not allowed Luz guards, and you are no longer my Constable.”
Normally, I would rib him, say that I didn’t need his protection even though I very much did. He’d prevented countless attempts on my life...and now I would leave him to enter my ancestors’ enemy’s territory.
“I go where you go, Syb. That’s always been the case.”
I shook my head. “This place—me and Luz—was always a detour on your path to greatness. You have been here for too long already.”
That had been my fault.
He took one step toward me. His jaw slackened, and a tear ran down his cheek, looking like a crystal on wet sand. It shone in that same eerie gold as his irises.
Closing the distance to him, I placed a hand over his heart.
“Youliedto me.” The word “lied” hit me with deliberate weight.
I tried to raise my hands to his cheeks, but he gently caught my wrists and pushed them back down to my sides.
The glass castle I’d fortified around myself was shattering one pane at a time. There had been so many chances to tell him who his father was. But to tell that truth would have been to lose him.To acknowledge that he was immortal and would long outlive me would have been to admit he deserved a love that could outlast my time.
So, I’d held onto the facade of his mortality. I’d never allowed him to grow into a King because I wanted him near me. Why would a King who could live forever anchor himself to a Queen who would grow old beside him?
“Em...I’m so sorry.”
Now that I was closer, his fear tasted coppery and metallic—it felt like suffocating on one’s own breath.
“Those words are empty. If you are truly so sorry, then don’t go—be his ally from here. Stay with me. Why do you insist on going with him?”
I sighed. “That prick has things I need.Weneed. You know it’s only a matter of time before every town in the Central Corridor looks like Kullworth—a slum. The magic in his land gives us leverage, hope.”
“Us?” Sounding skeptical, he searched for my gaze.
I avoided eye contact as Darvanda’s words echoed in my mind.Marry him if you must.
