I’m avoiding everything Zea just said to me. Avoiding figuring things out with Lily.
And I don’t want to do that.
I think about the party and how I thought we were having such a good time. But the truth is, I was having a good time.
A part of me noticed she wasn’t happy the moment we walked in.
But I made it about me.
Not about her.
And she went along, because that’s what Lily does. She goes along with me. Goes along with everything I want.
She chose me.
I never chose her.
I pull up her text, the one I ignored for over a year, and I read it, trying to really hear what she’s saying.
She’s just explaining herself.
At first, it doesn’t feel that heavy.
I set my phone down and look out the window. I see Zea walking to a chair, her hair wet, a towel wrapped around her shoulders.
I pick up my phone and read the text again. There’s something deeper there.
I read it one more time, and it clicks.
I thought she was blaming me, but she’s not.
She’s explaining how she felt.
At that moment at the club, I messed up. I didn’t defend her to Tank’s girlfriend. I didn’t go after her when she left. And I didn’t respond when she texted me.
I abandoned her.
It’s plain and simple.
I had her tagging along with me all the time. She was my plus one. I was never hers.
I never even imagined what it was like for her to order a rideshare, wait outside the club, get in the car, and leave alone.
But I do now.
And it hurts.
Because she was mine. She shouldn’t have had to be alone.
What Tank’s girl said didn’t seem like a big deal to me at the time. I thought she’d be mature enough to let it go.
But she wasn’t wrong.
She held a boundary.
And I disrespected it.
I’m going to be there for her now and make her life easier. My job is to make sure she knows she can depend on me by beingavailable and not expecting anything from her. It’s on me now to give her the soft life she deserves.
