He sets the menu down and looks at me. “Is this a quiz? Are you testing me?”
I shake my head. “No. You seem to know me very well, so pick something that I’d like to eat today.”
The waiter comes over with googly eyes, and Javonte orders the salmon for me with sautéed spinach.
That is exactly what I would have ordered for myself.
I can feel myself softening, and I tighten it up.
I take the smile off my face and go neutral, giving him my HR face.
He can’t come in here, do everything right, and fix the past.
I’m not falling for it just so I can be sad and disappointed another six months from now, once we’re deep in the season and I come second or third or fifth to everything else.
“How’s work today?” he asks.
I refocus my attention on him. “Oh... I don’t know. It feels like a burden to come here every day. A burden on my life.”
“What do you mean?” he says. “I thought you liked your job. You’re good at it, aren’t you? You’re always getting compliments.”
“Being good at your job and liking your job are not the same for some people, Javonte.”
“I know everybody doesn’t get to play basketball for a living.”
“Right,” I say. “I have to mediate between adults. I have to deal with a boss who only cares about herself. I had to sit in on the firing of a single mom last week. It just isn’t feeding my soul.”
He nods, one hundred percent focused on me.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“Nothing really,” I say. “It kind of just is what it is.”
He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.
“You have a Lit with Lily event tonight, right? Where’s it at?” he asks, changing the subject.
“It’s at a pottery studio.”
He laughs. “Where do you come up with these places?”
“I really don’t know. I just need somewhere to paint, and I like to change it up. The pottery studio was open today, so they rented me the space.”
“Did you ever think about getting your own spot?”
“Sometimes. But then it wouldn’t be a pop-up.”
“It would be a lot easier for you, wouldn’t it?”
I think about all those tables and chairs, all the setup and breakdown.
It really would.
“I kind of am just a little bit lost right now,” I admit. “I don’t know what direction I want to go in. I don’t know if I want to make a big change, a small change, or any change at all. I’m just coasting.”
His eyes never leave me. This feels more right than I want to admit.
Chapter 11 Javonte
